ETHEREAL | OUTSIDERS

･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴛᴡᴇɴᴛʏ-ᴛᴡᴏ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

♪ : coaster — khalid

❝ you need to let it out sometimes. ❞

"COME ON ELLIE, you gotta get out of bed someday." Annie said, tugging on my arm. It had been about two days since I got to her house, and all I've done was sleep.

"Do I have to?" I mumbled into the pillow, trying to block her out. I didn't even care that I missed school, nothing mattered to me at this point. What hope do I have, I messed up everything. I don't even know why I got so mad at all of them, and I regret it so much.

"Do you feel satisfied with what you did to them?" Annie said, dropping my arm. I knew what she was doing, and so I went along with it.

"No, of course not. I regret it, and I don't know how to fix it." I said, turning my head to face her. Her face brightened, then she pulled me out of bed.

"Well, the first step is to go out there. You can't start thinking without initiating." I stood up, balancing myself out. She pushed me towards the bathroom, then smiled.

"Take a shower, you're going out there and I mean it. Even if it means locking you out until you go." Annie said, she then shut the bathroom door behind me, I avoided the mirror. I hopped into the shower, and turned to heat on, a lot. I could hear Annie come back into the bathroom.

"I put some extra clothes on top of the counter." She tells me over the sound of the water. I hum back at her, signaling that I heard her. As I finished up, I put on the warm, dry clothes. It was a pair of black jeans and a white hoodie. I dried off my hair, then took a deep breath. As I walked out of the bathroom, Annie came out of her room.

"See, you look great! Now go out there, get your boys back!" Annie yelled. I couldn't help but giggle.

"That sounds, weird." As I made my way downstairs, I opened the front door, staring out.

'I'm going to do this.' And with that, I was out. I was out, not knowing what to do, but out to fix something. Who should I go to first? I thought I should go to the two people I trusted the most, Sodapop and Johnny. First, was Sodapop.

I found my way around the streets and approached the DX. It was quite scary, actually. I reached into the pockets of the hoodie and found a piece of paper. Finally, walking into the DX, my breath was uneven. Sodapop was right in front of me. I took the pen sitting on the counter and wrote on the paper. The paper read, 'Can we talk?' Putting the paper in his hand, I walked out and sat on the curb, hoping he would come out.

Eventually, I heard the door open and someone had sat down next to me. We sat in silence for about a minute or two, and I finally started to talk.

"I'm sorry." I simply stated. Soda didn't respond, he just twiddled with his fingers.

"I know, I said some messed up things, things that never should have been brought up or that should never have come out of anyone's mouth. I'm messed up, and I'm not telling you to forgive me and throw me a pity party. I can't imagine what I would do, without the gang, without you. You don't have to forgive me, but I don't know what to do. I'm lost, and I'm just trying to find a way to fix at least one thing; and this is where I started." My voice quivered, hoping that he would respond. I stopped talking, and he took a deep breath.

"I saw the note, the paper you wrote. I couldn't really read it that well, but I know that you aren't okay." He said, staring at the ground.

"Oh, yeah. I should've known not to go off at you guys, though. I don't know what I was thinking, I wasn't even thinking." I stuttered, trying to turn this conversation back on the road I wanted it to be on.

"You know, I heard somewhere that you have this bottle of feelings inside of you. If you don't pour it out every once in a while, it'll explode, glass going everywhere. Your bottle exploded, the glass went everywhere. It cut me, it cut the gang, and though we all got hurt, we'll take some cuts for you." Sodapop said, giving me a sad smile. My feelings were warmed by his words.

"I forgive you." He finished. He pulled me into an embrace, hugging me tightly. God, how I missed this. After a while, I pulled away.

"I have to go apologize to some more people." I said, starting to get up. Sodapop stood up too.

"Go on, I can tell Steve if you'd like." Sodapop offered, smiling at me. I nodded.

"Yes, yes that would be nice." And so now, I was on my way to Johnny. The only other place I knew I could find him was the lot, so that's where I went. As I approached the area, I saw a boy, sitting on the curb with a cigarette in his mouth. Taking a deep breath, I stepped over and sat next to him.

"Hey, Johnny." I started, trying to be as gentle as possible. He didn't respond, but he continued to smoke.

"I'm sorry for what I said, a few days ago. I just blew up, and I shouldn't have let those words come out of my mouth, or even think it. I don't know why I let that happen, It just came out, and I wasn't even thinking. Now, I can't take it back, and it hurts. But, I can't even imagine how bad I made all of you guys feel."

Johnny still didn't respond, I must've hurt him bad. I was stressing, what if he doesn't forgive me by the time I finish?

"Look, I'm not telling you to forgive me. Just know I'm really sorry, and I always will be sorry. I don't know how I'm going to live with myself." I really couldn't lose Johnny, and I told him that.

"You know, I can't imagine what I'd do without you. I don't think I could handle everything, and I did something really stupid. I can't even handle everything right now, I don't really feel great but it's not about me- I get it if you don't want to see me, just know I care about you always, and I'm forever sorry." I sat there for a few seconds, hoping he would respond. A tear or two ran down my cheek, he said nothing so I got up and started walking away.

"Ellie-bear." His voice calling my name hit me hard. I turned around to face him.

"It's okay, I forgive you." My mouth opened a bit, smiling. I ran towards him and hugged him tightly.

"Just don't do anything like that ever again, okay Ellie-bear?" Johnny said.

"Promise I won't, Johnnycake." I said, giggling a bit. I blinked away my tears, wiping my face as well. I still had to apologize to Two-bit, Darry, Dallas, and Ponyboy.

"Hey, Johnnycake? Can you help me apologize to Two-bit? I need to apologize to everyone else, and I don't think I can make it in time." I said, hoping he would say yes. I didn't target Two-bit and Steve as much.

"Yeah, of course. Go on, before it gets dark." Johnny said. I prepped myself, asking where Dallas was. Johnny told me he was most likely at Buck's place.

"That's where I have to go, then."