ETHEREAL | OUTSIDERS

･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴛᴡᴇɴᴛʏ-ғɪᴠᴇ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

♪ : listen before i go — billie eilish

❝ don't be scared ellie, i'm right here. ❞

( warning ; mentions of suicide )

E L E A N O R

I COULDN'T THINK straight, I climbed onto the ledge of the bridge, balancing myself out. Looking down at the view underneath almost made me want to throw up. It was raining but I never put my hood up, my tears blended into the rainwater falling onto my face.

I heard something faint in the distance, something calling my name. I couldn't quite make out the voice or if the voice was saying something else, but it didn't matter. It was going to be done in a while, but the voice then made me think of everyone. What would they think of me?

All of a sudden, I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist and pull me down quickly. Turning around, I saw a person standing behind me. My vision was blurry from the tears, but as I rubbed my eyes, I saw him. Ponyboy. I stood still for a second, looking up at him, then all of a sudden I hugged him tightly, digging my head into his chest. He wrapped his arms around my neck, pulling me closer. I sobbed into his chest, not saying a word. He didn't say anything to me either, we just stood there in the rain.

"Don't be scared Ellie, I'm right here."

After a while of this, we walked to the closest park with a shed area, so that we could sit down and talk a bit. I guess this is when I have to tell somebody. I took a deep breath, preparing myself.

"You smile, but wanna cry. You talk, but you wanna be quiet. You pretend like you're happy, but you aren't. I know now Ellie, but please tell me, what happened, what made you like this?" He asked, he was still hugging me tightly, warming me up.

"You know, I never was the type of person to let someone see right through my feelings. I tried hiding everything, which obviously didn't benefit me. I just wanted to feel again." My tears were still running.

"I just, don't want to cry anymore. I want to feel loved. I know I just tried to, you know, but I don't even want to die anymore. Just this once, I wanted someone to someone to worry about losing me."

I pulled away a bit to look at his face, and he was in shock. I could see he was tearing up a bit, and in disbelief.

"Ellie, I care about you. I care about losing you, and I don't want you to feel this way. The other boys care about you, they love you. Shit, I love you, with all my heart." Did he really mean it? Like the way, I love him?

"Like, in that way?" I ask, looking into his eyes. He smiled at me then nodded.

"I do too, Ponyboy." I smiled, hugging him again, he held me close and whispered into my ear.

"I don't want to let go of you." We held each other like that, sticking as one. And I thought I was going to end my day by jumping off a bridge, but this outcome was much better.

I became tired in his arms, so I closed my eyes for a bit.

"I think we should start going back." He said again, so I nodded. I tried to get up but I was so tired, that I fell backwards, but Ponyboy had caught me. He ended up carrying me back to his house. I fell asleep, resting my head against his shoulder. I stirred a bit when he walked into his house, but I pretended to still be asleep.

"Hey Pony, is that El? Is she okay?" I heard a voice, guessing it was Darry.

"Yeah, she's alright. Just a bit... shaken up." Ponyboy had said, he then set me down on the couch, and I opened my eyes.

"She's awake!" Two-bit said, looking towards me. Ponyboy turned his head towards me, then came closer to whisper in my ear.

"Can I tell them? They need to know, we can't help you if you keep it to yourself again." I gulped, this was a lot to tell. Frankly, I didn't want to say it, so I agreed but asked if Pony could tell them instead. He said okay.

Their facial expressions went from shock to sadness in the time being that they were informed. We all got into this big hug. As we dispersed, Johnny sat next to me.

"I'm glad you're here, Ellie-bear." His words warmed my heart, I really needed those words. I hugged him, starting to tear up again.

"Sorry to break the moment, but who wants chocolate cake?" Darry said from the kitchen, I guess he made one big enough for everyone. I heard rings of agreements and them saying, 'me!', walking over to Darry.

"You gonna have some, Ellie?" Ponyboy said, looking at me.

"Yeah sure, why not." I smiled, walking over to Darry as well. We all sat down and ate chocolate cake. The boys were all talking at joking around, and I didn't say a word.

"You okay?" Sodapop asked, nudging me a bit.

"Yeah, I'm great. I just want to take in the moment, witness the great things I would've missed." I said, looking at everyone. The sight of this warmed my heart. I couldn't believe I was about to miss out on this.

——

Everyone gathered in the living room, watching TV, playing games, talking, even fake-wrestling. Ponyboy whispered in my ear.

"It's sunset time, want to go out there?" He asked, I looked at him, and giggled.

"Of course, let's go." I stood up, then walked out to the backyard, sitting on the swinging chair. Ponyboy sat next to me, staring at the sky.

"Wait, I never apologized to you. I'm sorry Ponyboy, I just-" He shushed me.

"Sh, I forgave you a long time ago." He then continued to talk.

"You know, whenever I looked at the sunset, I always talked to it, hoping you were on the other side of it. I loved the thought of having someone else to be interested in sunsets too. There was this special light inside of you, that light never blew out. Although you were sad, and that light started dimming, it stayed strong. When I was with Tessa, I tried convincing myself that she wasn't a cold soc. That was completely useless, because when I looked at her, I didn't feel the warmth radiating off of her like it did when I was with you. It's because I really liked you, and still do." I had no idea where he was going with this, but I let him continue.

"So, Eleanor, Ellie, El, whatever I call you, will you be my girlfriend?" He said, looking at me dead in the eyes. I was surprised, and taken aback. This was the good surprise, though.

"Yes, of course, Pony." I hugged him tightly again, smiling, ear to ear. That's when I finally realized it.

This is the comfort I wanted, and I found it.

One day, I'll be happy with myself, and that day is today.