ETHEREAL | OUTSIDERS

･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴛᴡᴇɴᴛʏ-ғᴏᴜʀ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

♪ : all the kids are depressed — jeremy zucker

❝ please listen to me for just one moment more. ❞

( warning ; mentions of suicide )

E L E A N O R

I WAS DONE, I am done. There's nothing here, I couldn't do much. I obviously couldn't bring myself to go to Ponyboy, it was too hard.

Laying in Annie's bed was the only thing that I could accomplish, the easiest thing actually. The only thing I had to do was sleep, and think about how shitty of a person I am.

A pit in me was being dug deeper and deeper, it was so painful that there was no pain. Was there something, or someone, just one small thing or person that cared for me? That missed me? Lord knows who would.

I don't know how I could bring myself to do this, I never thought of me as, how I turned out. But here we are, alive and in reality. Honestly speaking though, everything would stop, or disappear, wouldn't it? That's what I wanted, something to stop, everything to stop. I never got that, though, at least one thing was going on at the time.

I remember thinking, I'm not a sad person. I'm not a depressed teen, how is it now? How am I doing now? I had nobody to cope with, my mom was basically not in my life, or not even my mom. I couldn't bring it up to Annie, I just couldn't. I could barely even say it to the people that I lived with, and I didn't even say it completely.

I'm going to get up, out of this bed. This hellhole. I'm going to do something about this, either plan that I used, I was going to stop this all. I stood up out of bed, steadying myself. Walking to the bathroom, I brushed out my hair and brushed my teeth. Annie would never let me out of the house without looking somewhat okay. I changed into a pair of leggings and a hoodie, then slipped on my shoes.

"I'm going out for a bit, okay? Bye, Annie." I called out, but I didn't care if she didn't hear me. I heard Annie hum an okay back to me, so then I left. Walking down the streets, I left to my last destination.

I told myself this one thing all the time, everyday and every moment.

'One day, I'll be happy with myself.'  It was something I always told myself, something that I basically held onto. But, you know, I lie to myself all the time.

P O N Y B O Y

I pulled the note out of my pocket, examining it carefully. She stated that she would be where she was okay with,and where water ran. She didn't verbally explain where she was okay with, and where water ran, but I knew. I remember, she likes the park, quiet places. She likes comfortable, cozy, and warm feelings. A warm house with comforting people. She hated a setting of cold, almost emotionless people. Who could blame her? What place would that be, a bridge, a body of water.

Slipping on my shoes, I threw the door open.

"I'm going out for a bit, be back soon!" Then, I was on my way. I headed to Annie's house, to make sure if Ellie hadn't went yet. I ran as fast as I could, which is pretty fast since I am a pretty fast runner. Approaching the house, I knocked on the door. Annie answered, wondering why I was there.

"Oh, hey Ponyboy, what's up?" Annie asks, tilting her head. I struggled to put together words because of the rush I was in, and because I was out of breath.

"I- is E-Ellie here?" I put my hands on my knees, bending down. Annie looked back, trying to remember.

"No, she's not. She left but didn't tell me where."

'Shit.'

"Oh, okay- I, I gotta go, see you around." Turning around, I ran quickly to the bridge. I never thought my life would come to something like this, to a person I loved. Did I not show that I cared for her? That I loved her? I know I never said it out loud, but I tried to show it. Whatever it is, it's too late now. Not too late to save her, hopefully, but to prevent all this. Although she said some bad things, I couldn't forget about her in a blink of an eye.

Was it my fault? Was I that bad at reading the signs, the hints that she may have dropped. The thoughts in my head were going crazy, causing me to run faster. I even almost got hit by a car, but I couldn't stop. This was between life or death that I had on my hands, and I had no choice because I would never forgive myself, knowing that she could've been here if I ran a bit faster.

I saw the bridge in the distance, it wasn't a huge bridge that people drove on. It was more like a small road with a sidewalk so that you could pass the lake underneath. Let me tell you, it was one hell of a drop too. I saw a small figure on the bridge, which the lines became more defined as I came closer. I couldn't see much, because the person had a hood on, but I know who it is.

All of a sudden, it started raining lightly.

'way to set the mood.' I thought, running closer. As I got in the distance that she could hear me from, I called out her name.

"Ellie! Ellie, Eleanor Collins!" I yelled as loud as I could. It was almost like she couldn't hear me, like she was blocking everything out of the world, and I needed her to see through for just one moment. To let me into her head, or that I could run faster.

Ellie, please listen to me for just one moment more.