The Nanny

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Luciano's POV

It was cowardly of me I know. I panicked. My mind was frazzled with the idea that I cared and had compassion for a person other than my children. Especially a woman. Seeing her laying on the floor and knowing the pain I experienced when I thought I had lost her scared me.

I didn't want to feel that pain ever again and so when I stood in her hospital room a few hours later covered in her blood, I couldn't help but flea as I was told that I may loose her. A tumour a fucking brain tumour. I had never been one to show my emotions and so when I sat down in the chair next to her bed and held her hand watching a tear fall onto it I was enraged.

I let my walls down too fucking far. She was my children's nanny and no more and so I left the hospital with rage.

Yes I avoided her. Like a plague. I couldn't face knowing something about her mortality when she didn't. I struggled to face the children knowing that at some point I would have to tell them someone we I mean they loved was going to go through hell and back in the near future. That Loai could loose his mother. That they could loose their mother.

I muted her number, worked late nights, I did it all, I even changed rooms deciding it's not professional to share one. I was detaching myself from her but for my own sanity it was necessary. I know I missed her appointment but I couldn't handle sitting there as she received news that I already knew. It made me angry to think about it.

So I watched. I called my madre for a reason. If I wasn't going to be there for her someone needed to and I knew my mother would do just that. It was shameful and I felt tremendous guilt but I felt it was necessary. I have to focus on my kids and work nothing more.

I watched that tear fall down her cheek and the embrace they shared before rage took over again and I could not longer bare to watch. I felt pain at the thought of not holding her. I was going insane.

It was my punishment for wishing she would disappear from my life in the beginning. Now she might go for good.

She still doesn't know that I know.