Snowflakes & Fireweeds

1. In Loving Memory

Taehyung's eyes fluttered open. He turned his head and squinted at the bright numbers on his alarm clock. It was 5:36 AM. Again. This has been going on for years now. Everyday he woke up at the same time, the exact minute the accident had happened. 5:36 AM. He turned his head and stared up at the ceiling. It was still dark outside, only the moonlight was illuminating the house's surroundings.
When he first saw the house he had immediately loved the trees surrounding it, how they shielded the house from the outer world, the only way to reach it being a dirt track of 1000 feet that led to the main road. Now the branches of the trees were casting their shadows on his bedroom walls. They looked like skeleton fingers reaching out for him. Tae closed his eyes.
He wasn't afraid of them or the loneliness this house provided. He wasn't scared of the dark of the woods or the creaks that sometimes sounded through this old house. He wasn't anything. He didn't feel. He just existed. The accident had almost killed him physically and destroyed him mentally.
About twenty minutes later his phone vibrated on the nightstand. The ghost of a smile crossed his face and disappeared as quickly as it came. It was possible that Yeontan, the little Pomeranian that was observing him from his dog bed next to the door, didn't even notice. Tae opened his eyes and reached for the phone. It was a text from his childhood friend Jimin, his soul mate, and one of his two only friends.
Every morning these two texted him to make him feel that they were there, although they lived about 50 miles away in the next bigger city. Taehyung squinted his eyes against the phone's brightness and read: "Hey beautiful! Rise and shine, the weather is supposed to get a little chillier up where you're at, so you better prepare your flowers. Hobi and I will arrive at around 5."
Oh, right, he thought. These two were coming over. It was Friday, which meant the last day of work for them, and also the day they came over every other week. When Taehyung first moved to the house, Jimin and Hoseok wanted to visit him every weekend. They knew he was still hurting and they thought they could help him to forget.
However, it had soon become too much for him and he asked them to not come as often, as he had not only enjoyed, but actually needed the solitude this house provided. It let him think, let him remember and also live through the moment over and over again. And that was all he could do to somehow compensate for the things he had done wrong back then. Remembering and reliving the accident were his baby steps to getting closer to the unreachable purpose that was forgiveness.
Taehyung was about to put down his phone when it vibrated again and the lit up screen indicated another message. This time it was Hoseok, asking how he was, rambling about not wanting to go to work and rejoicing about the upcoming weekend and their trip to his - Tae's - cottage.
Hoseok ended his texts with a set of sun emojis that represented his nature perfectly. Again, Tae felt a light twitch in his face as the idea of a smile crossed his muscles' memory. He put the phone down quickly and closed his eyes again. Pictures flooded his mind of the night of the accident and he let them be, as they were proof that he was a bad and dangerous person, not deserving of the warm feeling his friends tried to spread inside of him. He fell asleep again after some minutes, the last memory coming back to him being his sister's scream before his body shut down.

Jungkook pushed the room key back to the receptionist of the little run down motel. His night hadn't been particularly bad, but it hadn't been a good one either. He had been woken up several times because the neighbors couldn't tone down their moans while apparently having the best sex ever. After two hours of non-stop porn sounds he had gotten up and gone for a walk.
Of course he had taken his camera with him. His favorite, the Leica M6 that used to be his father's and now belonged to him. Jungkook took it everywhere. Not only because the camera took beautiful pictures, but also because it had belonged to the man that had loved and that had raised him so well, showed him all the things he needed to know and never uttered a harsh word.
Then, about six years ago, something seemed to have happened as he had changed drastically. His bright and happy self had gotten darker. In the beginning it was only a little, just some crinkles here and there where there should have been smiles. Then his laugh had become quieter. It wasn't the loud and addictive booming sound anymore, but rather a lifeless cackle.
Finally, one and a half years ago, just some months before his accident, he had started drinking. It wasn't the occasional beer on a weekend anymore, but rather a daily drink of whiskey or vodka. Sometimes Jungkook had come back home after his classes and found his father alone in the dark living room, an empty bottle of whiskey on the floor, a bottle of vodka already in his hand. His mother had already went to bed as she couldn't stand seeing her husband like this and not knowing what had changed him so much.
Many days like this one had followed, until one day he had come back home to find his father gone and his mother sitting on the couch, crying her eyes out. She had once again tried to get to know what had happened to her husband. They had fought and his dad had stormed out of the house. He was gone for two days when the police had showed up to inform them that his father had crashed into a tree, about 300 miles away from their house. He had passed away two days later due to his injuries. Jungkook and his mother merely had the time to get to the hospital before he was gone from their lives. The following weeks were a nightmare. Jungkook's mother was devastated, she couldn't cope with the loss of her husband. She stopped talking to everyone, barely ate anything and was lifeless in every aspect of her being.
Finally, her sister moved in with them to support them and give Jungkook the chance to go back to his studies. He had been around his mother 24/7 since his father's death and therefore had halted his studies in photography. After his aunt moved in, he immediately picked studying again and finished the master's degree within six months. During that time his mother became better and started to come back to life again.
Only then did Jungkook realize that he wasn't better at all. He had buried his sadness by taking care of his mother and then finishing his studies. He never got the chance to mourn. Upon realizing that he felt such guilt towards his father that he was on the verge of falling into a depression. He had consulted a therapist who had helped him a great deal with coping with his sorrow. The doctor had also suggested that he would take this trip he now was on.
Jungkook and his father used to go on road trips when he was younger. Each summer they would get in the car and drive to another landmark they hadn't been to before, be it the great lakes or the mountains. It was always only them, his mother never joined on that "men trip", as they used to call it.
So this was how Jungkook had come to the motel's reception where he now returned his room keys. He wanted to feel closer to his father again, so he had gotten into the car and driven north towards the mountains and the place of the accident.
He had driven rather slowly and had decided to take the country roads rather than the highway. He had also stopped several times on his way, to take pictures or just enjoy the landscape and indulge in memories. That was also why he was only about 100 miles from home. He had another 200 miles to go until he reached the scene of the accident.
The receptionist, a guy who was probably still in college and worked to pay his tuition, lifted his gaze from his phone, gave Jungkook a nod, and put the keys back on the keyboard. Jungkook said his goodbyes and stepped out of the stuffy building. He squinted his eyes at the sun that was shining bright, but nevertheless couldn't heat up the air. Due to the forced night walk he had slept in and now it was already around noon. He went to his car, threw his bag on the backseat, and jumped in, immediately turning up the heating after the engine started.
It was already late November and some freezing 22 degrees outside. It was a miracle it hadn't snowed yet, however, the weather forecast was already predicting heavy snowfall for the next days. Jungkook just hoped that he would make it to the scene of the accident before heavy snowfall started. He had been at the scene before, shortly after his father passed away, and he only remembered that there was nothing for miles, just woods and mountains. Getting stuck there after the onset of winter could be deadly.
Jungkook put his car into reverse and backed out of the parking lot. It was Friday and he wanted to the spot by Sunday noon, so he would have enough time to stay there for one or two hours and then head back to the closest city for the night.
The first tunes of Alter Bridge's "In Loving Memory" played from the radio and Jungkook turned up the volume while turning into the road that would bring him further north.