How My World Changed Forever...Again

Kick Cancer's Butt

Jill's POV
     I stand, completely taken back and utterly embarrassed by my daughter.
     "Katie, you need to calm dow-" I say, reaching out to her.
     She pulls away, looks me in the eyes, and says, "what the hell is wrong with you?"
     I don't even know what to say.  I shake my head and say, "I know you're scared, Kate.  Listen to me-"
     "No!  You listen to me for once!  I'm not scared, Mom!  Well, I mean of course I'm scared but not the way you think I am!  I don't expect things to be normal!  I don't even want them to be normal!  Chemo and treatments and radiation and all that are supposed to make it so I can live.  Until now, I've been living for all that, dosing myself with high amounts of drugs just to avoid conflicting with birthdays and holidays and vacations.  I'm done with that.  I want to take my meds so I can live."
     I can't even process all that Katie says.  I don't want to hear it.  It's too real too fast, maybe more real than her diagnosis.  I take a breath and walk away.  I don't storm, but I don't look back either.  I feel like I've totally failed as a mom.

Katie's POV
     I don't feel good about getting in a fight with my mom, but I feel like a weight is lifted off my chest.  After my mom walks off, I face everyone, smile, and say, "okay, let's do this."
     Miss Katie comes up to me cautiously and says, "are you sure you're ready to be on this livestream?"
     "Yeah!" I say enthusiastically.  "I feel great!"
     Colleen chimes in and says, "if you don't want to do this, you really don't have to, hun."
     I look around and say, "there is nothing I want more in this world right now than to raise a bunch of money to kick cancer's butt."
     Miss Katie says, "okay, then let's do it.  Your mom will come around.  For now, let's get moving.  Come here," she says, wrapping her arm around my shoulder and walking towards the kitchen island, laughing to herself.
     I smile too.

Annie's POV
     "T minus 45 minutes!" Colleen says as she sets up the live stream equipment on the kitchen island.
      "We're gonna go grab the last of the prizes from the hallway upstairs," Katie says, grabbing my hand and pulling me away.
As we walk up the steps, she whispers to me, "I'm fine, Annie. You know that right?"
"Yeah," I say.
She goes on as if she didn't hear me. "Because I don't want to give up on treatment. I want to do whatever we can. I just am done planning treatment around life. Let's do treatment and live life when we can-"
She rambles on like she's trying to defend herself. I grab her wrist and say, "Katie! I said I believe you. I agree with you."
"Oh." She says looking down. "I'm not used to people actually listening. My moms always too busy trying to fix everything and she simply can't. Thank you."
"Of course! And your mom loves you. She needed to hear that from you."
"I know. I love her too. So much," Katie says softly.
"Now, let's go Kick Cancer's Butt!" I say, picking up a box in my left hand and high fiving her with my right.  She holds on just a little longer.

Colleen's POV
      This morning has been nothing that I expected it to be.  I know Annie and Hayley and Katie had a rough night with Rock Your Hair.  I know Jill has had a rough morning with doctors.  I don't know what really happened with any of that.  The only thing I'm sure of is the fact that Katie is rocking it.  You could tell she wasn't lying about what she said.  She is on top of the world.
     Rachel helps me set up sound and video equipment while Erik helps my mom get the twins down.  We're hoping they'll sleep through the first half of the fundraiser then wake up happy.  Annie and Katie, with Hayley as their assistant, have been great at managing all the prizes, organizing them in my dining room better than I ever have before.  Katie LeBlanc is doing a great job keeping me sane.
     I step back, leaving Rachel with the equipment (I am really bad at it anyway) and walk around, admiring how many people are invested in this.
      It makes me a little emotional to see how far this has come. When I started live-streaming for childhood cancer in 2015, it was just Kory and me, and my ex-husband helped a little, but that was it. We had my old clothes thrown about in the living room and a laptop balanced on pillows. Now it's like this whole operation with moving pieces and good prizes. It's my fifth year doing it, and it most certainly won't be my last. And I hope it continues to grow, but it's really amazing to think about how far we've come with this crazy idea of mine.
I snap back into reality when Annie comes running down the steps with makeup in her hands. "How long?" She asks me.
I look down at my phone and say to her, "20 minutes." Then I announce to everyone "20 minutes, guys."
Annie sits down at the island, quickly putting on some mascara and blush.  To me, she looks like a full blown adult; like a working woman on a mission.
     Katie [LeBlanc] comes down the stairs and says, "the girls are asleep. Erik says he's jumping in the shower and your mom will be down in a few minutes."
"Okay, thanks!" I say. "Are all the labels ready to mark prizes?"
"Yep!"
Then Rachel says, "you need to come sit down here, Colleen, so I can make sure the frame is right."
I go sit in front of the laptop and peak into the dining room. The girls are so cute. And there are a lot of prizes. Which means a really long livestream.

Katie Donnelly's POV
As I'm standing in the dining room organizing probably hundreds of items, I see my mom walk past. I don't run up to her. I don't call her name. Right now, I am focused on doing what I can control and that is making this fundraiser go smoothly. I need to have my head all here because this is something I've never done before.
Sure, we've vlogged every single day since my diagnosis, every high and every low, but I've never spoken live about childhood cancer. I've never been an advocate for other kids. I am so excited to know someone who has the platform and experience to do this because it really has been a phenomenal experience already and we haven't even started the live. I've gotten to read hundreds of stories of kids just like myself, carefully choosing ones to be read.

Colleen's POV
At noon pacific standard time, we're starting, right on time, which I don't think has ever happened before. I watch the view count grow nervously. I'm always terrified that one of these years people are just going to decide not to watch, and the stakes are so much higher this year. Katie is one hell of a kid, and if I screw this up, she'll be watching.
With hundreds and then thousands of people watching, I relax. I chat for a few minutes, giving people a chance to get on. Everyone's tweeting the link for me too.
"So, guys," I say to the live, "you ready to get started?"
     And so it goes.  The girls bring me prizes, and Kory helps me choose winners, keeping track on his phone of who we pick.  Then Katie and Jill, with guidance from Rachel, organize the physical prizes to make sure we know where everything is going and that we don't give something away twice.
     I keep special note of everyone's attitudes.  Annie, Katie, and Hayley seem to be having a lot of fun.  I'm sure it's hard because it is so real for them.  Jill seems like she's in a much better place than earlier but Katie is not exactly talking to her mom again.  But I know they'll work it out.
     With about 30 minutes of prizes left, my mom and Erik bring the babies down, my mom setting Violet on my lap.  "I gotta head out, Colleen," she says, gathering her stuff.
     "Okay, Yeah, thanks so much for your help today!"
     "Of course, hun.  You know I love it."
     I work through remaining products and merch until we get to the final prize which a guitar my brother made for Katie's campaign "Katie will flip again."
      As I search through, my whole team stands behind me. I pass Violet to Annie and Katie takes Hazel from Erik. Hayley stands eagerly, right between Kory and I, watching our screens. I look into the view of the computer and all I see is love. I couldn't have done today without every single person here.

Jill's POV
I decide to wait for Katie to approach me. I'm done pushing myself on her.
Sure enough, after the livestream is done, she comes over to where I'm labeling and falls into my arms. "Kate," I say, stroking her head, "I love you so much."
"I love you too," she says, burying her face in my shoulder.
As she backs away, I hold onto her hands and say, "I'm done trying to fix everything. We're going to do this your way, okay?"
She nods. "Thank you for letting me come and stay here. I've had so much fun."
"You deserve it, baby. You deserve to live your life. You know, I saw something in you today that I haven't seen in a long time, Katie Elizabeth. You were smiling. You were hopeful. And you were just living. I want you to be spontaneous."
My mom is right. This trip has given me back something that was taken away a long time ago; the ability to do things because I could. I am far from healthy. My white blood cell count is far from good. But I'm living. And when we get back, I'm going to be ready to kick cancer's butt.