How My World Changed Forever...Again

Some Days are Just Hard

-5 months time skip-
Katie's POV
Everything has been going pretty well at home. I've been home for three months straight, only being in the hospital before that for four nights. It seemed like I had been doing so much better; walking around more, being able to focus on school, and all around more energy. The chemo still makes me sick, but that was expected. But in the last few days, I've been getting headaches. My mom has been calling my nurses everyday, but they said just to monitor them because they think it's affects of chemo.  Today, when I complain again of a pounding in my head and my mom calls in, they say I need to come in.  I have to have an MRI done on my brain.
They say they're just being cautious. They say it's probably just the chemo. They say I'll be fine. They know otherwise.
     I finally think I get a break; the chemo seemed to have been kind of working and I had been home for months.  Now...now the cancer might've spread to my brain.
Nobody will ever know how hard it is to be just 14 years old and be told you are probably going to die.
I make the walk across the parking lot that I've made many times before. From diagnosis to treatment this parking lot is where it all began.
We sit, waiting, my hand in my moms. In just a few minutes, the rest of my life could be determined. I wrap the hair from my wig around my index finger. That's one thing I'm thankful for; the hair makes me seem more normal. It makes it so I don't have a constant reminder that I'm sick.
"Katie?" I hear, before I look up and see the smiling face of the MRI specialist I've seen many times.
The test takes forever yet it seems to go by in a flash.
My mom and I are asked to wait. We sit on chairs and I have to wear a mask; not to protect people from my germs but to protect me from theirs.
Thirty minutes pass. Then an hour. After an hour and 15 minutes, my primary treatment doctor and the radiologist come to get us. We sit in a small room and my doctor looks me in the eyes, still, half smiling. She says, "the cancer, it has spread to the brain."
My world crashes down upon me. Why me?

Jill's POV
I try to keep it together since Katie looses it immediately. Dr. Adams continues, "I know, I know this really is the worst possible thing you could hear right now, but I am confident we can get this under control. It will take intense rounds of radiation to eliminate the traces in the brain. Also...the chemo hasn't been working, and, what we have to do now is a stem cell transplant."
That's always something we've known we might have to do, ever since the beginning really. Once we came so close to having the procedure, but Katie's levels calmed down and we ended up avoiding it. It was so close that we had people tested for matches. Brennan is a perfect match and was gonna be the donor.
The next thing out of Dr. Adams' mouth scares me again. She says, "here's the next thing. We...we can't do this here. The best option for Katie at this time would be to be transferred to the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia Pennsylvania...again."
     "So you're telling me we have to essentially move back to Pennsylvania for how long?" I say.
     "Well, you're looking at at least a month, for the radiation.  And remember, anything can happen, so it could even be longer. And it would be...in exactly three days.  We don't want to start treatment here and then transfer in the middle, but we also can't let this go, obviously, for more than a couple days.  I assure you, this is the best possible option for Katie right now. Philadelphia is the third rated pediatric cancer treatment center in all of America."
     "How will they transport me?" Katie asks.
     "More than likely by ambulance, with one of your adults.  Anyone else we recommend flys up."
     "Okay." She says quietly.
     I play with Katie's hair, kiss the top of her head, and say, "aww, Kate."

Katie's POV
     We've barely left the hospital and my mom is already on the phone; first with my dad.  That's a hard conversation.  Then with Miss Katie.  Then Ryan's school and Brennan's school, were going to pick them up now.  Brennan had to come to Philadelphia with us for the STEM cell transplant.  My mom just wants Ryan at home today.
     This is all so insane to me.  I never in a million years imagined myself walking out of a cancer treatment center right after finding out that all the endless hours of chemo I was doing wasn't working.  That I have to go live in a different state for weeks.  That I be officially diagnosed with stage four leukemia. That cancer would spread to my brain.
     As we pull into the lot of the middle school, Ryan is already outside with an administrator.  I slide down in the front seat in an attempt to avoid the school staff I once knew.  I really hate what people see me and feel bad.
     At the high school, my mom texts Brennan and he comes right out.  Normally, my mom would've had to sign both boys out, but the school had been letting them leave without her even going inside lately.
     Back at home, my mom is frantically trying to pack for both of us as I lay on the couch exhausted from my trying day.  I hear my mom in my room crying.  Sadly, that's become normal around here.  I build up all my strength and get up just long enough to peak around the corner.  She's holding a picture frame whilst being surrounded by my clothes.  I know the picture; it's me at my last gymnastics meet, probably the last one I'll ever compete in. I was sick that day. We didn't know how sick though. I pushed through it and did really well, but that was the day before they finally got my diagnosis right. Little did we know I could've died right then and there.  Nothing was ever the same after that meet.
Through this process, I've learned just to let my mom cry.
I slowly move back to the couch and the next thing I know my eye lids open less and less as I fall asleep.