How My World Changed Forever...Again

People Want Hugs, People Need Hugs

Annie's POV
At 8:30 PM, we're being whisked into Colleen's house. She immediately pulls Hayley and me into her arms. I suddenly don't feel so nervous about staying with them anymore. It's great to have someone other than your family hold you close in their arms. When she lets go of us, she starts telling us all of the arrangements. "So, we have a room upstairs all ready do them, it has a queen bed and an attached bathroom. The sheets have been washed since they were slept on and everything is all made. There's some closet space and even a few drawers I think. Here, lets all go upstairs so your parents can make sure you settle in."
We all follow behind Colleen. Upstairs, we come across Rachel in the hallway. There's a guy with her. Colleen says, "Oh, sorry. I forgot to tell you I think. I asked Rachel to stay with me to watch the girls since I'm all alone, and this is her husband (A/N yeah, lets just say Rachel and Matt are married at this point, completely unrealistic, but just go with it), Matt. He's very nice. They've been together for like, seven years, married for only a few months. If you talked to my brother or his wife, they'd both tell you Matt is great with kids and they leave their kids with him and Rachel all the time. I'm sorry I waited until now to tell you he was here with Rachel. Is that going to be a problem?"
My Dad says, "No! No problem at all!" Then extends his hand to shake Matt's. "Nice to meet you."
When Colleen shows us the room Hayley and I will sleep in, I am amazed. It's beautiful. Everything is white, lavender, and silver. The comforter is lavender and there are sparkly pillows on the bed. Colleen says, "So will this work?"
Before I can say anything, Hayley yells, "Yes!" excitedly.
We spend about half an hour organizing our stuff, but really I'm just stalling for Mommy and Daddy to leave. I don't want them to leave us.
Around 9:30, Mom says, "girls, we really have to go. I'm sorry."
I look around and everything is glossy. The tears building up in my eyes are distorting my vision. We walk downstairs together. First, Dad hugs me and picks me up in my arms. Mommy hugs Hayley. Then, when Daddy puts me down, I run over to Mommy and she holds me in her arms. I loose it all. Usually, I'm okay with being away from my parents but this time is different. I don't know why they're leaving and I just met the people who are watching us. I'm also kind of embarrassed to be crying in front of Colleen and Rachel, but I don't care. Daddy's phone rings from his pocket as he steps Hayley down. "The übers here."
Hayley and I both give each parent one more hug and Mommy says, "I'm sorry girls. We love you so much and we'll see you very soon. Bye everyone!"
And with that, they're gone. I stand, helplessly looking at the door. I feel someone behind me touching my hair. I look up and see Rachel. I turn around quickly and she pulls me into her arms. I wrap my arms around her neck and she lifts me off the ground. "Rachel!" I cry into her shoulder.
She holds the back of my head with her other arm around my back. She whispers calming sounds into my ear. "Annie, it's okay. It's okay honey. Shhh."
It feels great to have someone hold me and make me feel safe. Like nothing in the world is ever going to hurt me.

Colleen's POV
As Katie and Billy left, I held Hayley in my arms. She's crying. Annie's crying to Rachel. It's a mess.
We make our way to the couch, both carrying little girls. Rachel puts Annie beside her and then puts her arms around her. I lay Hayley down on the couch and carefully set her head on Rachel's lap. I go into the downstairs bathroom to get two washcloths and rub cold water. Back in the living room, I lay a washcloth of each girl's face.
Just 15 minutes later, we have Annie and Hayley pretty much calmed down. We gave them both some water and lots of love. Annie says, putting her hand to her head, "I have a headache!"
With that, I'm off the couch searching for ibuprofen or Tylenol or something. "Rachel!" I shout down the stairs, "I can't find any painkillers except Midol! Do you have anything?"
"I don't know! Go get my purse!"
I get her small, Vera Bradley purse from the kitchen island. "Rachel! Why on earth do you have entire bottles of pills in here?"
"I don't know Colleen!" She says, laughing.
I find a bottle of Ibuprofen, shake a tablet into my palm, get a glass of water from the sink, and walk back to Annie.  "Here, hun."
     She picks up the pill and swallows it with water. 
     "Is everyone good now?" I ask.
     Both girls nod.  I look at the clock, 10:30 now.  "Do you wanna go up to bed?"
     Hayley, rubbing her eyes, says, "Yeah."
     Annie stands up and I take her hand.  Rachel lifts Hayley off the couch and carries her behind Annie and me as we walk up the stairs.
     When we get into their room, Annie goes in the bathroom while Rachel and I sit on the edge of the bed next to Hayley.  "Are you okay, sweetie?  I'm sorry, I don't have any children's strength pain reducers to give you."
     "I'm okay."
     I don't really buy it, but as long as she has settled down, I just let it go.
     When Annie comes out of the bathroom wearing pajama shorts and a t shirt, Hayley goes in.  While she's in there, I say to Annie, "How are you?"
     "Okay."
     "You know, it's going to be okay.  Your parents are perfectly fine.  I promise you.  If you need anything, anything at all, just come talk to Rachel or me.  Seriously.  Don't be embarrassed and don't worry about the tears. Annie, you're allowed to cry.  I cry all the time. Just ask Rachel," I add, laughing, "but in all seriousness, you can tell us anything you want."
     "Thanks," Annie says, reaching up to hug me.
Hayley comes out of the bathroom wearing colorful pajama pants and a t shirt. She gets in bed on the other side of Annie. Rachel says, "You girls good for the night? If you need anything, even at 3 in the morning, go see Colleen," Rachel says, laughing.
"No, I would totally get up for you, but Colleen will be alone, which will make it a lot easier, and you won't have to face Matt," she says again.
We hug the girls goodnight and kiss them on their foreheads. I turn the nightlight by the door on and switch off the light. "Open or closed?" I ask.
"Open," they both say at the same time.
With that, I follow Rachel out of the bedroom.
We both go into my room, without speaking, but both knowing we need to debrief.
Rachel sits on the end of my bed, and I start putting my pajamas on; sweatpants and a Miranda t shirt since I have the possibility of little girls coming in at night.
"So, how do you think it's going to go?" Rachel asks as I fight with my skinny jeans.
I say, finally getting my pants off, "I don't know. I just feel so bad! I know there is nothing I can say to them to make them feel better. They don't know what their parents are doing, they barely know who we are, and they don't know what's going on. That must be so stressful. I just want to hug them and promise them everything is going to be okay. Like, Rach, Katie didn't even tell me what happened, so I can't really promise that everything's fine."
"Colleen, you're doing great. We're going to get them through this, it'll be okay. But we need to go to bed."
     I wrap my arms around Rachel.  "Before you go to bed, can you make sure the girls are okay, Rach?"
     "Of course. K, night. Love you."
     "Thanks, love you too," I say, as Rachel leaves, closing my door behind her.
     I lay down in bed and just cry.  So many things pent up in my head and my heart.
     The girls; they're so great and they deserve the world.  I want to seriously just hold them and love them and protect them from the universe.  And I can't do that.  Here I am, trying to make them feel at home when I've never parented a child in my life.
     Then there are other things.  I'm laying in a bed by myself. I've been "single" for going on three years. My little sister is married and has a better sex life than me, who is five years older.  She could be having kids in the next year.  I'm stuck all alone.  The problem is, I can't date.  Last year, I started to kind of maybe possibly have a thing with Erik Stocklin.  But, it just didn't work (A/N sorry guys).  Before it even started, it had to end.  First of all, I started getting super busy and realized again why I decided that I needed to be independent in the first place. Second of all, my heart just wasn't ready.  Erik did and still does make me so happy.  But to hold someone close to your heart as a friend and a boyfriend are two totally different things.  I couldn't take the happiness that Erik gave me out of my life because of a stupid date.  I couldn't watch our friendship be jeopardized by a potential relationship.  He agreed with me 100%.  I've seen it before, I can't watch it happen before my eyes again.
     With that being said, I so want a kid.  I've felt this before, but now it's so much more intense.  It's to the point where every time I get my period I'm secretly disappointed that I'm not pregnant even though I literally haven't had sex in years.  Every time I see a family with kids, I feel like I need that.  I have never wanted to have a kid more in my life; even when I was married.  Never.  So that's all been really frustrating.  Watching the girls makes me want kids even more.  I want a bubbly, innocent ten year old. I want a fourteen year old to have serious discussions with and teach everything I know about life so far.  But I can't have that, because I'm not ready.
     All those pent up emotions, I let it all go.  In my pillow, under my comforter all alone while my sister is sleeping with her husband, and two precious, little girls are soundly asleep in the room next to mine.  I live a great life.  I am more than happy to have the one I do.  I lie so many people and so many people love me back.  My sister, Erik, they've been so great at making me happy through all the hard sh*t.  I am so fortunate.   Sometimes, you just have to cry though. 

A/N I have no idea what that was, especially that last part with Colleen's thoughts. I needed some more words and could use a little more background so there you go.  Don't worry, this kind of made it sound like I'm going to have Colleen be depressed and or suicidal, but I'm not.  So don't let that thought of a dark theme steer you away because that's not at all where I'm going with it. Anyway, thanks for reading!