Enervating Beauty (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Chapter 9- Mind Over Matter

They say when you hit your lowest point in life that it is essential for your personal growth. That it makes you appreciate the highs in life, or some other bullshit.

Well, I thought that was a lie.

I had been away from Kylo for three weeks. Three weeks without having him near me, without his body so close to mine. I hated it, every second of it. I knew that I was supposedly doing the right thing, but it didn't feel "right." It was even more difficult than I thought it would be.

In such a short amount of time, in such small, minuscule encounters with him, I was whipped. I knew that it no doubt was because of my inexperience with men or frankly being with anyone romantically, facilitating me latching on to him so quickly but I couldn't help it.

I missed him.

I had tried to keep myself busy with my duties, but that was easier said than done. My mind couldn't focus on anything it should have been. I was beyond stressed with the First Order's occupying of the planet and was ready for them to destroy something else, so my people and I were left alone. That sounded pretty selfish, didn't it?

I knew that my closest companions were starting to pick up on my different antics. I wasn't as open as before, requesting more alone time in my quarters. I just wasn't good at hiding my feelings and would rather stay locked away in my room than spill on my relationship with Kylo, or whatever it was.

    But it was affecting me. Dark circles surrounded the bright orbs that once were the highlight of my features. On top of no sleep, the stress of the situation was affecting how I physically looked now too.

Perfect.

I had continuously tried to make contact with the Resistance, but I was failing. I was starting to lose hope of freeing us from the First Order's reign. It was times like this that I wished so badly that the Jedi Order remained. Luke Skywalker's attempt to train a new generation was not a complete failure at least. There were rumors about a new Jedi in the galaxy.

That was however a mystery I would not be participating in.

I somehow found the courage to still get out of my bed for the day and followed a somewhat normal protocol. I tried to do my normal duties, ensuring the people's safety, trying not to upset any stormtroopers, and acting polite towards the First Order. I had learned my lesson about upsetting them the last time I was held prisoner and was not looking to get beat up again. They were always busy at work with engineers working on the Command Shuttle, TIE fighters, and any other ship that they had managed to destroy in the recent month. The stormtroopers were rotated every so often so different ones were on the field at their battle sites.

I had heard rumors about what happened before they landed here, why Ren was so injured.

While on Starkiller Base, supposedly the Resistance had intervened with their plans and "the girl" contributed greatly, the one they wanted to destroy so badly. I did get a fair bit of information from being prisoner but learned more from the spies my advisors had strategically placed around the city. The stormtroopers gossiped like a bunch of teenage girls, giving my spies a great deal of information that was relayed back to me.

They did inform me that Snoke was on another ship, somewhere deep in the galaxy and I was scared to death of him finding a reason to land here.

The absolute last thing we needed was that monster to join in on all the fun the First Order was having here on my planet. 

But with saying that, I also knew that he was the one who trained Kylo. And despite my wishes for Kylo to still be the old Ben, there was more of Snoke in him than I'd liked to admit now.