Enervating Beauty (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Chapter 27- What Now?

• Weeks Later •

Leaving the castle behind is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

My advisors called my decision a mistake, a rash judgement and were sure I would return. But I refused. I wanted to make a very quiet exit from the throne in the most polite way possible but the kingdom wouldn't have it. The people were in uproar. Abraham left to go back to his home planet after the dissolution of the monarchy which was a small redeeming factor. But by providing no explanation for my departure, the people were still furious and felt betrayed. This would undoubtedly ruin Chandrila.

It broke my heart, there was no right thing I could say that could validate me leaving. I had run out of tears by the end of packing up all my things, but Kylo stayed by my side through it all. Every breakdown, every time I started overthinking, his support and love for me never faltered. It kept me sane as I watched everything go to ruin around me and had to watch Vera and Iylin leave to find refuge elsewhere. I had luckily convinced my former personal pilot Vican to accompany them and fly them safely across the galaxy. Kylo pulled some strings with the First Order and was able to provide discreet transport for them along with a ship for us.

In the wake of Kylo's own leave from the First Order, Supreme Leader Hux had taken over. Business carried on as usual for the First Order, most generals too engrossed with the idea of moving up in the ranks to care where Kylo disappeared to. Which was a blessing in disguise as I hoped they would never seek him or us out.

But Hux would not last for long in Kylo's position. Even with all the resentment and hatred Hux had inside him, Kylo and I both knew he did not have what it takes to lead an order of their size. But whatever misery he was going to spread across the galaxies was no longer Kylo's concern. Or even my own.

For the first time in our lives, the only people we had to worry about was ourselves and doing what's right for us. In the few hours of light we had left before we were to depart, Kylo and I had scouted a planet to potentially settle on far in the outer rim, a quiet and remote land that we could make our own.

I was so ecstatic to travel and see what this move could mean for Kylo and I but that did not change however, the uncertainty that remained for us. We were jumping in headfirst not knowing what the outcome might be. And that was terrifying. The feeling of boarding the ship knowing I could never return home made me physically sick to my stomach, but I could not let myself regret the decision to leave home.

I was making the right choice. For us.

"Please come sit up here, you haven't said a word since we left," Kylo pleaded with me.

I had sat in the cold darkness at the back of the ship since we took off. I was a ball of emotions, still coming to terms with the sheer intensity this all carried.

I could not come back.

I felt a piece of myself ripped away as I left behind the safety of Chandrila and the place I had called home all my life. Knowing how angry they were with me hurt even worse, I felt like the worst queen in the history of the galaxy.

"You know one day they'll forgive you," Kylo said while flying, desperate to reassure me. For as long as we had known each other, I still was not used to him being able to read my mind.

"Doubtful," I replied bitterly.

"Come on, please?" he asked again.

I begrudgingly got up and made my way to the copilot seat. I had been oblivious to the status of our journey but as I sat down, I realized we were traveling at light speed. We were still many systems away. I settled into my seat as we still had quite a while to go and curled my knees into myself. I watched him as he was flying, hands gripping the controls tightly, veins protruding from his hands up through his forearms. I curbed my attention elsewhere and we sat in silence as I couldn't be bothered to make any more comments on Chandrila.

"You know your father would be proud of you. You're a really good pilot," I quietly told Kylo hours into the trip after watching him fly for a while.

He shifted in his seat but didn't respond. I knew it was still an uncomfortable subject for him but at this point it had been a year since it happened. Which didn't change the pain and regret Han's death would still have on Kylo's conscious, but every day progress could be made.

"I'm sorry I know it brings up bad memories, but I think you should try to start talking about it, Ben."

"Don't. Don't call me that name when you're talking about him," he snapped, the anger seething through his voice. His knuckles tensed and his grip tightened around the control wheel.

"Shit, I'm sorry. That was insensitive of me," I replied apologetically, although hurt that he was reverting to a place of such anger.

"I just want you to have the option to talk about it if you want to, okay? Hey, look at me," I said softly, crossing over the middle dash to straddle him in the pilot seat.

I wrapped my arms around his neck as he switched the controls to autopilot. His arms instinctively went around my waist, hands inching downwards.

"I love you. So much. I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you. If you don't want me to bring it up again then I won't, that simple."

"It's not your fault. I just can't, I can't live with myself," he said frustrated, nodding his head downward in despair.

"No, no don't talk like that. You are worth more than that one decision you made. Look at you now," I said, pulling my hands across his face to have him look at me again.

"Yeah, look at me. I abandoned everything I worked for and made you leave your position and your home. How is that anything great?" he replied sadly.

"You're forgetting the best part of it all. We're free. Actually free. That's a feeling I wouldn't trade for anything in the world."

"There was a price to pay."

"Yes, there is always a price for freedom. And I'm not going to say that this is going to be easy because it's not. But this is a brand-new life for us, a life we can share together."

He gazed into my eyes with such an unfaltering love, it poured out of his soul. I dropped my hands to his sides and wrapped him tightly in a hug. I nuzzled my head into the curve of his shoulder and squeezed him lovingly. He traced figures on my back letting me sit there comfortably and at peace in his lap.

Every wall he had broken down, every time he left, all the pain and hurt and misery that we had suffered through was all worth it because of this.

This was bliss.

This was happiness.