Enervating Beauty (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Chapter 20- To The Sea

Trigger warning: Near death by main character's own doing

Four months later...

     The waves crashing startled me awake and I panicked before remembering where I was. I had taken refuge in a cottage on the shore, in a place so desolate no one could reach me. The stucco of the cottage peeled slightly; the cream-colored exterior having deteriorated over the years. The garden in front of it was slightly overgrown and struggled to survive on this terrain. The cottage was small but comfortable.

     I was finally beginning to heal.

     My previous attempts to ignore his leave were foolish. As strong as I thought I was, I was no match for the pain I was feeling. It still hurt as much as it did the day he left.

     The reality of the situation hit me like a ton of bricks as I was forced to confront what happened. The nature of how it ended, and how abrupt it all was.

     And of course, I still loved him.

     It often invaded my mind, the possibilities of us still together. The idea of me on his arm with the First Order bowing to us.

     The temptation of leaving everything and finding him still racked my brain every now and then. My mind betrayed me constantly and I was forced to take a leave of absence from my spot on the throne. I did not trust myself or my actions.

     The best thing I could have done for Chandrila and its people was to leave.

     Of course, Atlas saved me and stepped in taking temporary leadership. It would only last for so long though. He had finally found the woman he deserved when he went to assist the Resistance now, many months ago.

     Kateryna.

     She was petite, coming up just to my shoulder and was quite fiery. She was brought to our planet when Atlas and our troops returned following Kylo's destruction of the Resistance, just as he told me he would do. I only saw her once, but she was just beautiful. I knew that she was perfect for him, and his bravery would continue with their leadership in rebuilding the Resistance.

     I wasn't mad at him for following his dreams and finding his person. I couldn't possibly be upset at something I so desperately wanted myself. He helped me during this time of need, and I would always be thankful for that.

     Kylo continued his fits throughout the galaxy for months. I tried my very best to ignore all the anarchy he created but it was nearly impossible. Eventually I just couldn't handle it anymore, any of it. It was smothering, learning how cruel he truly was.

     So, I stopped receiving transmissions from home all together.

     Even moving to the cottage, sleep never came over me. Not like the days when he would stay, and I would be out like a light in mere seconds. No, my brain never stopped. Like clockwork, every night my brain would play on repeat the memories of us, of him, and every miniscule moment we'd shared together. It was these memories that I was hoping to forget and yet every night for the past four months I have lied awake with it on my mind.

     Did he regret it? Did he regret the impulsive immature decision he made? The cracking of my soul and very being as he walked out the door and shattered my existence? Knowing that I had never let someone so close to my heart and him not even bothering to find a doable solution?

     I wanted to scream and cry and let it all go. Track him down and make him apologize for doing this to me and leaving me this way.

       But the truth was, I would never see him again. He was the Supreme Leader now and I was the Queen of Chandrila. Two worlds that never should've collided and I would spend a lifetime trying to forget.