Enervating Beauty (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Chapter 15- Enervating Beauty

The Finalizer was gone the following day.

It quite literally disappeared before I even got to see Kylo again.

I had no goodbye, no warning, nothing from the man I held so close to my heart.

I woke up to the field being cleared out where the ship once took its place and that was it.

That was now weeks ago.

Everything felt different without him here. The few stormtroopers left behind were more relaxed without the presence of their leaders and let us have much more freedom. Things almost felt normal, to before he ever came back to our beloved planet.

There were many rumors circulating as to why him and General Hux left so abruptly.

Most had dwindled it down to orders from Supreme Leader Snoke, but I had a feeling that it also had something to do with that girl. I had found out through my personnel that she was helping the Resistance. The Resistance was now quite small following Ren's recent attacks and unfortunately were out of luck with help from other systems.

Our planet was in no place to send help itself though, which killed me considering that General Organa had been doing everything in her power to hold it all together. I missed her dearly. I could tell that Kylo missed her too when one of the only ways to keep her memory alive was to take the pins out of my hair.

Stop thinking about it!

I was desperately trying to let go of what we shared before he left. Being reminded of those moments we shared together only confirmed to me how much I was drowning with him gone.

I hadn't even realized how much I had closed myself off again until those around had started questioning if it was something they did. Anywhere I went my face was solemn, my appetite had ceased, and my skin was a ghastly color. The depression was sinking in again.

Any remaining beauty of mine had been drained.

Enervated.

I couldn't help but feel like a complete fool in the way that I had reacted to his departure. But it had struck me deep in my soul. I had tried to hide my emotions and feelings for him for so long that now without him, they only intensified.

It was like in the sudden absence of him, what I felt only grew stronger.

I needed him back, even if admitting that made me feel like I was weak. I wanted the security only he could make me feel and the comfort he brought.

I missed him so much.

My advisors couldn't care less if he was still occupying my mind, I was going to become queen soon and had to remain concentrated on my duties. The droid I had taken from Colonel Akana's military academy was quite an intelligent one. He was nearly as helpful as my handmaids, and I enjoyed his company greatly while I had been taking time to myself.

I had taken more meetings in my castle again, limiting my appearances still until my leg was done healing. My dresses had been ironed neatly and hung in my closet by Iylin that morning. She was timid around me now and I couldn't help but feel guilty for pushing her out.

"Iylin?" I called gently. She turned from what she was doing and her pretty ivory dress twirled with her.

"Yes, Your Grace?"

"How about we message Vera, and all go down to the lake near the edge of the city. What do you say?"

Her eyes lit up and she showed me a real smile for the first time in days since I had shut out my friends. Her young face showed a childlike glow to it, and I was glad I could try and turn things around for us all.