Good For You

(Chapter.47) Chloe

For the next few days we didn't really speak. Instead we both focused on recovering. We were finally well enough to go home. 
"Okay we are both feeling better and we've been home for a few days. Can we please talk now?" Ace asked.
"Of course we can. What do you want to talk about?" I asked. 
"We need to talk about the baby." Ace said. 
"I think my phone is ringing out could be important,  I'm going to go check." I said I then exited the room.
I'm still not ready to talk about it. I don't know if I ever will be. 
A couple hours later Ace asked me to come into the living room. When I got there my mother, sister, and Ace were all sitting there.
"Hey guys, what are y'all doing here?" I asked. 
They both said nothing and looked at Ace.
"Alice they are here because all of us are worried about you. You won't talk about the baby at all. It isn't healthy to not deal with things. So please talk to us." Ace said.
"You all are fucking unbelievable, I'm out of here. " I then grabbed my keys and left. I had no destination in mind. I just needed to get away from that terrible nightmare. So I drove for a few hours. All three of them called me repeatedly.  I didn't answer. I just needed time. Once it got dark I decided to go home. When I arrived my mother and sister were gone. 
I went straight to bed.
The next morning I woke up feeling brand new. I patiently waited for Ace to wake up as well.
"Good morning. I'd love to talk if you have a few minutes before work." I said.
"Yes of course. Go ahead talk to me." He said.
"Alright I've been doing some thinking. Let's start trying to have a baby!" I exclaimed. 
"Wait what?" Ace asked in confusion. 
"You heard me. Let's start trying for another baby. You've been wanting to talk so much about what happened before. I figured out that it's been a hint. That you are ready to start trying too! So we can start now if you want to." I said I then pulled at his boxers.
"No, absolutely not. We are not going to try for a baby right now. "He said.
"So what did you change your mind? You don't want to have kids now? That's really fucking great. I thought you were excited last time we got pregnant. "I snapped. 
"Alice no, you're taking this all wrong. When you got pregnant last time I wasn't sure if I wanted kids. But once you told me we were having a little girl there was nothing more that I wanted then to be a father. I definitely still want to be a dad. I definitely want to try to have another baby, but not yet. The reason I refuse to start trying now is because you are still refusing to talk about what happened to our daughter. You aren't dealing with what happened. Due to that I don't want to bring a baby into this world when we have all of these things unresolved, it isn't healthy. Once you actually sit down and talk to me about what happened then we can try again. You have to stop running and avoiding it.  But you aren't going to replace her with a new baby." Ace explained.
"I can't believe you think I'm trying to replace our little girl with a new baby. I would never do such a thing. You want to talk about it? Fine let's talk. I got so excited to become a mother. You have to remember I knew about her months before you did. Instead of enjoying her I was stressing about your reaction to her. Ace we painted a room. We picked her name and had a registry. We bought a ton of stuff for her. You know we picked her name and you still haven't said it out loud since she died. So you can't be doing but so much better than me. I couldn't wait to hear Chloe cry. I couldn't wait to see her look up at me. I couldn't wait to hold her and put her in adorable outfits. When the doctors said that the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck and she basically suffocated to death my heart dropped and broke all in one shot. I could feel the doctors taking her out of me. I then felt so empty. No I haven't wanted to talk about it because it hurts knowing we will never get to be parents to her. I want to try for another baby because since it all happened I have felt like a piece of me is missing. I feel like I'm meant to be a mother. I want to plant some kind of flower bush that blooms every year. That way Chloe will always be with us and we teach our other children about her." I explained while crying. 
"You're right, I'm sorry for even thinking that. I know I never say her name. It's because it hurts so much to think about her. I love the idea of the flower bush. I do want to try for another baby now. Thank you for opening up to me. I think I really needed it as much as I thought you did." He said.
Next Ace just held me tight. We cuddled and cried. 
After that we ate dinner and decided we would start trying for a baby. We went and bought a butterfly bush and planted it in honor of Chloe. We put it right outside the front door. 
For the next few months we tried for a baby and had no luck. Things seemed to get better in the bedroom once we were both fully healed. We decided not to tell anyone about us trying for a baby incase it didn't go well.