Not in the Same Way

Six

I wake up early with a smile on my face. Darby sleeps peacefully beside me and I roll out of bed quickly and quietly in an attempt to not disturb her.

I breathe a sigh of relief when her chests falls in perfect time, unbothered by my exit from the space beside her.

I watch her for a moment, memories of last night flooding my mind. The way so felt around me, the way she sounded screaming my name, the way it felt to be so connected to her again after what feels like an eternity.

I grab the baby monitor and pad as softly as I can out of her room, shutting the door behind me and wandering down the hall to what I know is Aves' room.

She's still laying in her bed but her eyes are open and she smiles when she catches sight of me peering down at her.

"Hi, bubs." I whisper as she rolls over and pulls herself up on the rails of her crib.

"You ready to get up?" I ask her. She responds by holding her arms out and I grab her, cuddling her against my side and heading for the kitchen.

If she's confused by my being here she doesn't show it, instead tapping happily against the tray of her high chair while I hunt up something for her to eat.

I pour out some cereal puffs for her and turn my attention to the refrigerator to find something to make for the adults for breakfast.

I take out pancake mix and set to work making them, several completed before I hear a soft voice from the door of the hallway.

"Calum....what are you doing?" She asks and I turn around, confused by the inflection of her voice.

Is she upset with me?

"I'm...I'm making us breakfast." I say simply. She stares at me momentarily as her face begins to fall.

"Wh-what's wrong?" I ask, flipping the last pancake onto a plate and turning off the stove top.

"Why are you still here, Cal?" She asks and I feel myself deflate.

"What? I'm confused." I admit. "Last night we-"

"Last night was a mistake, Calum." She says flatly and I have to grip the countertop to hold myself up from the impact of her words.

"What? Darbs, no it wasn't. How can you even say that?"

She can't honestly believe that. We were so good together. We are so good together.

"You don't believe that." I say firmly after a moment when she still hasn't responded.

"Calum, we cant do this." She says avoiding my eyes and crossing her arms over herself.

"Darby, stop, don't do this." I cross the floor between us quickly my hands resting on her shoulders, trying not to be offended when she flinches as I touch her.

I dip my head, desperately trying to meet her eyes.

Her eyes are black, cold and unwavering in her words as she tells me again that last night shouldn't have happened.

How can she believe that? How can she look at me and not feel all the things I feel for her?

"Darbs, I'm not the same person I was a year ago. I want this, I want us. I thought.." my words trail off as I see the look of shock and disdain on her face.

"You thought you showing up here late at night, drunk, and begging me for sex would fix everything?"

"Did you, did you not want it too?" I hear myself ask her. I feel like I'm having an out of body experience. Was she present for the same thing I was last night?

"Calum.."

"Answer the question Darby." I demand. If she wants to say she doesn't want me then I am going to make her say the words.

"What do you want from me? Do you want me to say I still want you? That I love you? That I'll always love you? Of course I do Calum, but it's different now. It's not just you and I and all of our shit. There's another person involved and we can't keep making irresponsible decisions like this."

As if on cue Ava begins to pout in her high chair, feeding off the forlorn energy passing between Darby and I at the moment.

Darby huffs out a sigh and brushes past me, removing the infant from her seat and covering her forehead in kisses as tears cover her little cheeks.

"Why are you so afraid?" I ask her gently. "If you love me why are you pushing me away right now."

She gives me a puzzled look.

"Are you serious?" She scoffs.

I sigh.

"You tell me, Cal. Why would I push you away? I don't know, who was the one who all but abandoned me, abandoned us, after Ava was born?"

"Darbs," she holds her hand up to stop me.

"No, Calum. You wanna talk? Let's talk. Let's talk about how you disappeared after she was born. How I spent the first few months of her life alone and waiting for you to come home, while you lied about where you were. While you went out and partied and landed yourself on pages of shitty tabloids doing God knows what with God knows who. So excuse me if I'm not exactly pleased with myself about last night. Ava comes first, Cal, at least to me and last night was a mistake. I need you to go."

Her chest heaves as she finished her spiel. Her monologue obviously things that have sat on her chest for too long and I hope now she's gotten everything out.

"I'm not the same man I was a year ago Darby. I was young and stupid and not ready for this responsibility and I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you and Ava but I'm here now. I want to be here now. Please just, just say you'll consider it." I plea.

She turns away from me and I purse my lips feeling myself beginning to grow frustrated with the situation.

I need to get out of here before I say or do something I'll regret, as if I haven't done enough of that already.

"Can I say goodbye to Ava at least?" I ask, hoping she won't seriously deny me a moment with my daughter.

She turns and allows me to take Ava, clutching her to my chest, my hand on the back of her head as my hand runs through her dark curls.

"Dada has to go baby. I'll be back for you tomorrow, okay. I love you so much, bubs. So, so, much." I whisper as I press a kiss to her cheek, my eyes feeling the sting of forming tears as I hand her back to Darby.

"You mean you'll be by to get her tonight, right?" Darby asks confused.

"What? I thought I got her tomorrow night."

"I have to be at the airport at eight tonight. I'm working an over night and a red eye I'll be back to get her by eight tomorrow morning." She says slowly, obviously annoyed that I had mixed up her schedule. "Can you handle that or should I get Ben?"

"I'll make it work, I'll be back at six." I say curtly, squeezing Aves hand one last time before I turn and head for the door.

I don't look back as I climb in the car I've ordered. I stew in my thoughts until I'm dropped off at the restaurant where last night began, tipping the driver before climbing behind the wheel of my own car.

I rest my forehead against the wheel for a moment before leaning back against the seat, my hand slamming against the wheel repeatedly as I try to get out my frustration.

"FUCK!" I yell, thought no one can hear me.

An: so we're starting to learn a bit more about what went down between Calum and Darby.

Is she right to want to protect Ava? Should she give him a chance?

Let me know your thoughts!

Ily
Sav 🖤