Not in the Same Way

Twenty Five

I wake up before anyone else the next morning. Cal snores softly beside me, his arm thrown over my stomach and heat radiating off of him.

I carefully replace myself with a pillow under his arm and tread quietly from the room.

The coffee maker whirls to life as I make myself a cup and take it out back to the patio to sit and enjoy the morning while I contemplate the events of last night.

I want to have my thoughts together before Calum wakes up and comes looking for me. I know he is going to want to talk about everything that happened and I need to have my head on straight for that conversation.

The birds chirp in the trees that border Cal's fenced in yard and I slide my phone open and click on the boys new album.

I put it on shuffle and lean back against the chair listening to the lyrics as the songs play through. Some of them hit a little harder than others, the ones that are more closely related to Cal and I helping me work through the many thoughts and emotions that swirl in my mind.

I'll never give you away
'Cause I've already made that mistake
If my name never fell off your lips again
I know it'd be such a shame
When I take a look at my life
And all of my crimes
You're the only thing that I think I got I right

"I meant that, you know." Calum says from behind me. I jump startled and pause the music.

"I didn't hear you coming." I say, my hand clasping at my chest where my pulse races as I try to lower my heart rate.

"Sorry to scare you." He mumbles, stepping out onto the patio but pulling the screen door shut instead of the glass one so we can hear Ava if she wakes up crying.

"It's...it's fine." I say as he walks over to join me, sitting in the chair opposite me. His careful eyes scanning my face as he tries to decipher my thoughts.

"Why're you up so early?" He questions, his voice in the incredibly sexy raspy form it always is when he has just woken up.

I shrug my shoulders and drop my gaze.

"I don't know. I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep so I came out here to think."

He accepts my answer and silence fills the void between us.

"This whole album is beautiful." I say, gesturing to my phone.

He nods and bites his lower lip, I can feel that he has something he wants to say but whatever it is, he stays quiet.

"Look Cal, when I agreed to come here, when all this virus shit started, I really thought it was going to just be a few weeks. I was desperate, losing my job was terrifying and I didn't want to be apart from Aves. I just, I thought we'd stay on opposite ends of the house and pass her off and it wouldn't be much different than our typical relationship."

"But.." He says, his voice full of hope.

"But everything is changing so quickly. I didn't think we'd even talk aside from stuff that related to Aves, I definitely didn't think we'd try to work out our issues and I especially didn't think that talking to you would change anything about how I feel."

"So have you?" He asks quickly.

"Have I what?"

"Have you changed the way you feel?" His eyes are a smoldering golden haze as he stares at me awaiting my answer.

"Cal, I have told you before I am always going to love you. I like the way things have been going. I like not fighting with you, I like that we have re-established effective communication and that we're working out our issues. You told me you loved me last night and I couldn't say it back because right now I know how you mean the words and how I mean them, and they aren't the same, at least not right now." I admit and he looks at me like I've punched him in the gut.

"I'm not saying I can't get there. Now more than ever I really think we might could actually sort all of our shit out and find a way but, when I say it, I need to mean it in the way you want me to."

He considers my words carefully, a spark of hope shining in his brown eyes as he looks up at me and nods.

"I can live with that, I think." He says. "I just... I want this so much Darby. I want to be Ava's dad and I want to be your boyfriend and I want to be a family and that used to absolutely terrify me but it doesn't now, not anymore. I ran and pushed you away in the past because I was a stupid fucking kid but I'm not the same now and I think maybe you're starting to see that. I'm gonna keep proving it to you, whether that's while we're stuck in this house or after. I'm not going anywhere Darby, I'm not going to make the same mistakes again."

I hear Ava's faint cries from her nursery and he stands, heading inside quickly to get her.

I follow behind him and watch from the door way of her bedroom as he lifts her from the small crib and she settles against his chest, her head leaned into the crook of his neck.

"I hate that I missed the first bit of her life."

"I could never understand it. I get that you didn't want to be with me at the time but I don't know how you could look at that sweet little girls face and then just... leave us for whatever it was you were getting in to."

He holds Ava noticeably tighter.

"I was being stupid. There's no excuse for it all I can do now is try to make up for lost time. And I've got a few ideas of how I can start that."

"Oh, do you?" I ask amused, eyebrows raised.

He smirks and nods.

"Go on a date with me." He says with a wide smile.

"Calum, in case you've forgotten, we're in a pandemic. We can't leave the house unless it's an emergency."

"Who said anything about leaving the house?"

I tilt my head as my eyebrows raise again and I stare at him.

"I'm serious Darby. Just give me a chance, all I need is a chance. Get dressed up, I have to do a live with the boys again, it'll be short but I'll handle getting Aves to bed while you get ready, and then I'll show you what it could be like to be with me again."

My head leans from left to right as I weigh the pros and cons. The Calum I've seen the last few weeks is closer to the one I'd met that night two years ago than I'd seen in a really long time. I wanted to get to know this Cal, I wanted to give him the chance he was craving.

"Okay."

"Okay?" He asks, the smile growing on his face as I nod.

"You get one more shot, Hood. Don't blow it."

AN: What should Cal do for their date since they're stuck at home?

Did you expect Darby to jump right back into a relationship with him after they slept together?

What do you think is next?

ILY
Sav🖤