Not in the Same Way

Twenty One

I don't know what to think as I sit nervously across the room from Darby.

I'd kissed her, she'd kissed me back. But now things felt tense and I worried that I'd misjudged the situation and moved too quickly.

My goal was never to make her uncomfortable but I'd told her before that I had never wanted to be her friend and I meant it. I see a future with her and Ava and I want to make it a reality.

We don't talk about the kiss, instead we spend the rest of the day in some kind of weird in between type of space. She searches for a movie from the Disney+ app on my tv and settles on the couch beside me, so close our arms are touching and Ava ca hold her hand while still resting in my own lap.

It seems so natural and comfortable but at the same time we've left so many things unspoken that once again I am left completely clueless as to where I stand with her.

Does she want me back?

She had told me not too long ago that part of her would always love me, that she would always want me but that I had ruined our trust and any chance we had.

Had the past few weeks changed things? I had tried so hard to show her who I am, who I'm becoming. I could only hope she was beginning to see that I have changed and maybe she was finally beginning to soften her heart towards me.

"You picked Rapunzel?" I laugh, trying to break up the silence.

"Well technically this is called Tangled, but yeah, a story about a girl trapped in her house seemed appropriate given the current events."

"Sure, and it has nothing to do with the fact that it's your favorite." I smirk.

"You remember that?" She asks and I try hard not to be offended by how surprised she seems by the fact that I would remember her favorite movie.

"Um...well, yeah." I say sheepishly, repositioning Ava as she squirms to find a comfortable spot.

Her eyes linger on me as she ponders my answer before turning her attention to the television. Her shoulder is pressed against mine, the scent of her lavender shampoo flooding my senses until I'm unable to concentrate on anything but her.

•

The day before an album release is always strenuous but today has felt exceptionally so.

It's so strange being at home and not preparing for a show somewhere in the world.

I'm not upset at the extra time this quarantine has given me with Ava and Darby but it's definitely not what I'm used to.

"Ask daddy for the yellow." I hear Darby say, bringing my attention back to the girls beside me and our coloring pages.

I glance over at Darby's whose looks like a work of art and Ava who is looking to me expectantly before mumbling out "ellow."

I hand her the yellow crayon and resume my own coloring though my picture doesn't look much better than the one year old's.

My phone vibrates on the table and I furrow my eyebrows in confusion as I see our managers name pop up with a FaceTime request.

I shoot Darby a look and accept the call, stepping into the backyard, Duke on my heels to take the call.

"Hello?"

I'm again surprised to see I'm not alone on the FaceTime but that it's all of us along with our manager.

"Hi boys, I know you're all probably wondering why I'm calling you today since we've gone over the plan for today about a hundred times."