Not in the Same Way

Ten

I wake up the next morning, slightly confused until my thoughts settle and I remember I've spent the night at Calum's.

I use the heel of my hand to rub at my eyes until they adjust to the light and I sit up.

My head falls forward into my hands as I think about the events of yesterday.

Being laid off, being all but evicted, not knowing what the fuck I was going to do and then, in the midst of everything, there was Calum.

Calum who had let me down before, but in this moment, had done everything he could do to help me and had created a plan on the spot that might actually work.

I yawn and stretch as I clamber from the bed and head towards Cal's living room. I find him already there, laid out across the floor with Ava beside him, Duke watching them from his dog bed near the wall. I lean against the door jamb, my arms crossed over my chest as I watch them.

Some cartoon plays on the television and Cal is mimicking the characters as Ava crawls over his stomach. He grabs her suddenly, surprising her and she squeals in delight as he holds her over him and makes rocket ship noises.

He adores her and it's obvious.

A flutter in my chest surprises me as I watch them. I quickly stifle it. There's too much at stake for me to give any thought to the idea of Calum and I ever resolving all of our issues.

"Well, aren't you two wide-awake this morning." I say quietly, stepping into the room and making myself known.

"Did we wake you?" Cal asks, his voice sounding worried, like he's scared I'll be mad.

"No. I slept better than I have in ages to be honest." I answer.

He nods and rolls up to a seated position, situating Ava Kai in his lap but she quickly crawls back to the floor after a moment. She pulls her self up to a standing position and toddles over to me, clinging to my leg until I pick her up.

"Wow. I feel abandoned." Cal says, obviously affronted.

"Us girls have to stick together. Ain't that right Aves?" I ask her but she only stares up at me in reply.

Cal stands, wiping his hands on his pants and gazing up at me nervously.

"You, um, okay this morning?" He questions, his eyebrows arched.

"Yeah?" I respond a little unsure of why he would ask me that. I guess I did show up bawling on his doorstep only twelve hours ago though.

"Just wanted to check." He says casually. "Last night you were pretty upset and last time you spent the night with me you went off on me the morning after so I wasn't sure what to expect."

I swallow as the understanding of his line of questions sinks in.

"I shouldn't have kicked you out like that. I'm sorry." I apologize, meeting his gaze until I turn my attention to Ava, and removing her hands from my hair.

"I was just confused... and hurt."

"I'm sorry." I repeat.

"I get it Darby. Okay? I get that I was selfish, and a complete asshole, and just generally an all around terrible human being for most of your pregnancy and the first three months of her life. I know what I did was wrong. I know I made mistakes, a lot of them and I wish there was anything I could do to take it all back. Looking back on it from where I am now, there an awful lot of things I would do differently."