Not in the Same Way

Fifteen

The weight of my guilt is crushing me as I lay in my bed in Calum's guest room.

I hate being in the wrong in a fight and it was a feeling I wasn't used to.

Calum's words from earlier eat away at me until I have no choice but to push myself off the bed and slip into the hallway.

I stand silently just outside the bedroom door listening for movement to tell me where he's at.

The daylight through the window is already quickly fading and I know soon it'll be time to get Ava settled for bed. I hear her giggles and the low hum of Calum's voice coming from the direction of the living room.

I follow the sound and stop in the door way, my hesitancy clearly in correlation with the topic I knew our discussion had to focus on.

"Hi." I say softly, hoping my gentle tone will help this conversation at least start off calm and civil.

He sits up from his position in the floor and looks at me, eyeing me curiously as he sits crossed legged and pulls Aves into lap. Duke yipping beside him trying to gain his attention and only settling when Cal reaches out to scratch the top of his head.

"Hi."

I bite my bottom lip and try to decide what to say first.

"I'm sorry."

An apology seems to be the best and most rational approach though the words taste bitter as they roll off my tongue.

He cocks his head to the side and look away for a moment.

"Let's put Aves to bed before we do this, yeah?" He asks and I nod, following after him as he grabs her a new outfit while I run a bath for her.

He passes her off to me and goes to make her a bottle as I get her cleaned up and into a pair of pajamas.

"Come here, bubs." He says as he takes her back in his arms and hands her her bottle, holding her close as he waits for her to finish, her eyes already sleepy. When she's done he's hold her for a moment, signing softly to her until she asleep.

"I don't get how she goes to sleep so good for you. It's not fair." I say a little miffed. Ava always fights sleep when it's just she and I and yet, for Calum, she drifts off seemingly effortlessly.

"Guess she likes me best for at least one thing." He says with a smile as he lays her in her crib, tucking her stuffed elephant beside her and removing the bottle.

I lean over the railing to kiss her goodnight, sweeping her messy curls from her forehead before turning for the door, Calum following right behind me, the baby monitor in his hand.

He bypasses me and moves to the kitchen, opening the refrigerator and grabbing a bottle of my favorite white wine before taking down two wine glasses from his cabinet.

He pours two large glasses and then gestures to the back yard.

I slip through the sliding door and walk towards the patio area, taking a seat on a chaise as he falls into the metal chair beside me.

"I'm sorry." I start after taking a large swig from my wine glass, my eyes trained on the dark sky above us, the city lights blocking out the stars I know lie beyond their glare. I just want to get everything in the open as quickly as possible. 

"I'm sorry that I didn't hear you out. Luke told me a story that basically corroborated everything you said about the Ashton ordeal. I'm sorry I stormed out. I'm sorry I didn't come home and I'm sorry I didn't warn you that I wasn't. Surely you have to understand why I did each of those things though, Cal. It's not like we don't have history."