Not in the Same Way

Seven

"I know that face." Lin, the Cabin Director for my flight tonight says to me as we busy ourselves preparing the plane for boarding.

I chance a glance over to the woman, she's in her mid forties, her brown hair just starting to grey near the roots. Her eyes are kind and she comes off motherly, something I find myself in desperate need of often with my own mother living across the country.

"Is it baby daddy?" She asks, she's not trying to pry merely concerned. She's heard my venting sessions about Calum for long enough to make jokes.

"That's not his name, Lin and you know it." I laugh as I continue filling the warmer with meals for the flight.

"Yeah, yeah. Is it Calum?"

"Isn't it always." I sigh, looking up at her. Her kind, knowing eyes find mine, their deep brown coloring reminiscent of the man in question himself's.

"What's he done now?" She questions, leaning against the counter next to the jump seat, her arms crossing over her abdomen.

"He's just," I search my mind for the right words to explain how frustrated and confused I'm feeling but the words won't come to me. "Ughhhhh" I groan exasperated by the mere thought.

"That bad, huh?" She asks.

"He showed up to my apartment last night drunk. He was saying everything I would want to hear from him. 'Darby, I miss you.' 'I love you.' 'I'm here for you and Aves, we could be a family.' Like I'm just going to forget how he treated us after she was born."

Lin clicks her tongue.

"So you sent him home?" She asks, avoiding my eyes and pretending to be far more busy doing last minute checks than she is.

I feel the heat rise in my face as I ignore her question.

"Uh-huh." She says simply.

I glance at the clocks on board the plane, passengers will be able to board in only five minutes.

"Fix your makeup, Darby!" Lin calls behind her as she moves to the door to greet passengers, her boss voice taking over and I sigh heading back to the stewardess area to apply my mandated mascara and lipstick.

Passengers begun to come aboard and my conflicted feelings about Calum and last nights activities will have to wait.

I welcome the passengers on board and assist with carry ons and finding seats until everyone is settled. As we prepare for take off I take my seat in the back of the plane with the other flight attendants, resting my pounding head in my hands.

"For what it's worth," Lin says. "All the stuff you're holding against Cal is a year old. You guys have, from what you've told me, been making your friendship work and I've heard it from your own mouth that you still have feelings for him."

"So what's your point?" I ask.

"My point," she says with a chuckle, "is that if you both admittedly have feeling for each other, if there is potential that you could be good for each other, why not risk it?"

"Because we have a child involved." I say incredulous. She's a mother herself so I'm shocked she's even asked me this question.

"I get that, but just hear me out." She says reaching her hand out to rest on my knee as she angles her body towards me. "You both have feelings for each other and you both adore Ava. You've been hurting yourselves separately fighting these feelings. To me it sounds like you're reaching a point where not pursuing what your heart wants is causing more of strain than giving in would. I'm not telling you what to do, just giving you my unsolicited advice."