Not in the Same Way

Eleven

I tried not to let myself get too emotional as I packed away all of mine and Ava's things. There wasn't an incredible amount of things in the apartment as we had lived here for less than a year.

For all his faults during my pregnancy, Calum had allowed me to live with him when I needed someone and I had left on my own accord when things fell to shit when Ava was a month old.

The outcome of the last time I had lived with Calum adds to my apprehension about this move but at this point I don't have much of a choice. I sigh as I finish packing away the last of Ava's clothes, the sound of a knock on the front door of the apartment catching my attention as I stand and move to let the person in.

"Hey." I greet my brother, Ben, as he steps through the door.

"Hey, Darbs." He says wrapping one arm around my shoulder for a side hug. "Where's my niece?"

"She's in the living room. I was letting her watch a little television while I got a jump start on some packing." I reply and gesture to my left at the door that leads to the apartment's small living room.

"Is it just going to be us moving you?" He asks, his eyes narrowing and his voice pointed.

"No." I say with an exasperated sigh and a quick roll of my eyes. "Calum, the boys, and their girlfriends, are all coming to help. They had a band meeting this morning and they're supposed to all be on the way now. It hopefully won't take too awful long. I tried to pack as much as I could myself this morning."

He grunts and moves past me, lifting Ava off the floor and saying hi to her quickly before following me to my bedroom to help me with the packing.

"Please be nice." I say to him, my eyes closed as I hope he is listening.

"No promises." He says gruffly, beginning to remove the drawers from my dresser.

"Ben.." I start and his eyes cut to me, a silent exchange of words between us as I plead for him to not cause problems.

"He really fucked you up, Darby. You're my little sister and it's like unspoken law that I have to hate him for it." He reasons.

"He's been trying lately, Ben. Just, can we just try to move on from the past? I'm trying to forgive him and move on from it myself. I think it'll be what's best for Ava in the long run and I'd like you to do the same."

"I'll do my best Darby, but I just don't know if I'm ever going to be able to get the image of you showing up on my doorstep in the middle of the night, crying your eyes out because he got so drunk he brought a girl home with you there, out of my mind."

His words feel like a punch in the gut. The vivid images of that night, everything I had felt taking over my mind and rendering me incapable of any other thoughts for a few minutes.

"You okay?" He asks after a minute.

I look over to him and process for a moment. Am I okay? I mean, I was. Now with these flashes of a blonde haired girl wrapped around him as he walked right past me like I didn't exist are tattooed on the front part of my brain and it feels like my chest is so tight that it could explode at any moment.

"Fuck, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have even brought it up."

"No, no. It's fine. I just have been trying to see the best in him and I guess it's only fair I give myself a reality check about the worst of him as well."

"I promise I'll try to be nice, okay?" Ben asks, obviously distressed from upsetting me. "You guys could always come stay with me."

I tilt my head as I look at him.