All I Want | Miniminter fanfic

Chapter 26

Liana's POV

Everything around me hurts. I just can't tell the guys. I feel guilty if I tell them. They just seem really busy.

Today is my 4th therapy meeting. It doesn't feel like it helps at all. I had an episode last night. Voices in my head just keep telling me to do stuff which I don't want to. They also tell me that if I speak about my feelings then they will kill everyone I love which is all the boys so i don't speak to them. I don't choose to ignore them.

My meeting was at 2 and now it was 11. Simon woke me up early because he said I need a bath. Simon always helps me in the bath. I just physically can't be bothered to move my arms to wash my hair. I usually just stay in bed all day watching the clouds.

I like watching the clouds, the voices go away and I like to spot the different pictures in the sky.

Anyways back to now. I'm in the bath and Simon is washing my body. It kind of bothers me how he's just washing me but I don't mind it that much. And plus he gives a nice head massage.

"Are you ready for today? Your therapist said me and Josh can come in with you. Would you like that?" He asks me. I nod my head. The voices can't tell me off if I nod.
"Come on then honey". He says and we go downstairs.

Josh comes downstairs and I give him a hug.
"Hiya Liana you ok?" He asks. I hate it when they speak to me. I just nod my head. And we get ready to leave.

I'm about to get into the car when I hear "if you tell anyone we will do what happened to your mum to them two". A car crash. Now I refuse to get in the car.
"Come on Liana we're going to be late" Simon says. I look at him and shake my head.
"Do you want me to sit in the back with you?" He asks me. If he sits in the back then they have more of a chance of killing me as well. I nod and we get into the back while Josh drives.

We get to my therapist and Simon and Josh introduce themselves. I just sit back in my chair listening to there conversation.

"Liana how are you feeling today" I don't tell her. It's annoying because I feel like they think I can't help it.
"What I think is wrong with Liana is that her episodes tell her not to tell anyone what's happening. It happens a lot with people who suffer psychotic depression. Is that right Liana? Do you not speak to protect your friends?" She asks. I nod and begin to cry. That's the only way I can tell them how I'm feeling.

"Right so is Liana washing herself regularly?" She asks the boys.
"It's not really the case of Liana washing herself, it's me washing Liana" Simon says.
"And are you ok with that Liana?" She asks me.
I just nod again.

"Has Liana done anything aggressive yet?" She asks. It's like I'm not even there.
"She made me swallow an ecstasy pill once" Simon says. He looks at me slouched in the chair and I just look at him with sad eyes.
"She made you? How? And where were they even from?" She asks shocked.
"She put it in my mouth and the throw a load of water in my mouth. She wouldn't let me open my mouth until I swallowed it. And she got it from her old drug dealer. We did hide everything but I guess she found it. She's been doing really good recently though hasn't she Josh" Simon explains.
"Yeh she's not drinking or doing drugs anymore which I guess is good but now she won't leave the bed unless we pick her up. She doesn't eat much anymore, she had some cereal this morning but that's probably what she'll eat all day." Josh says.

I grab a piece of paper and a felt from the desk and write down I'm sorry. I show both Simon and Josh before putting it down.

"Liana do you wanna draw us a picture of what you like doing the best" my therapist says. I smile and grab a different piece. I start drawing clouds and a blue sky with me, Josh and Simon lying down on the ground. I show her and she shows the boys.
"You love watching the clouds don't you" Simon smiles. "We have a projector that we use for when it's raining or at night and we put the clouds on the ceiling." Simon says

"It helps me lose the voices. And it helps me focus." I say to all of them before shutting up.
"It's ok Liana, I promise you the voices can't hurt you, you can tell us more." My therapist says.
"I know they can't hurt me. But they make me do things that hurt me." I say. She just reassures me that I can't stop them but I just stay silent. Just to be safe.

——————— time skip

We finish talking to the therapist and the boys promised me a smoothie if I was good. We get to the smoothie place and i point to the one I wanted on the board and Josh orders it.

We get back into the car and I'm left at the back drinking my smoothie.
"Everyone treats me like I'm a baby and I'm not there" I say to them. Josh turns off the radio.
"What do you mean?" Josh asks
"I mean my therapist was speaking to you two before like i wasn't in the room." I say.
"That's probably because you weren't speaking" Simon says. I just ignore him and look out the window at the clouds.

Clouds make everything so much better in my life.