Today is Sunday, at ngayong araw na din uuwi sa mansyon si Noah, di ko alam Kong susunduin ba siya ng daddy niya, or we will be the one to bring him home. Ngayong araw na rin naka schedule ang chemo ko, seeing my son this near at halos abot kamay ko lang ay nag bibigay na ng kakaibang lakas sakin.
Tatlong araw siyang namalagi dito sakin at sa tatlong araw na yun ay Malaki ang pinagbago sakin, sa pamilya ko at samin ni Tristan, is this a good sign?
"Mommy, daddy told me that if you want to visit me, you can go to our house" naka ngiting turan ng aking anak. I am now helping him in changing his clothes.
" Talaga?"
Now I'm confuse Kong bakit biglang umiba na Naman ang pakikitungo sakin ng ama nito.
"Sorry baby, if I need to take you home this early, may pupuntahan Lang Kasi kami Nina Lolo at Lola, at Hindi ka pwedi don" matalinong Bata si Noah, kaya Alam kong naiintindihan Niya ako.
"Besides, I think you Mommy Trishella also wants to play with you" nagbibigay konting kirot parin sa pagkatao ko Ang lahat ng mga salitang binibitawan ko.
Noah smiled at me, it resembles Tristan's smile.
"Dad, also told me to stop calling Tita Trish,as mommy since ikaw Naman talaga ang mommy ko"
Sandali akong napahinto, ngunit nag kibit balikat Lang Ang aking anak.
"Mommy?" Maya Maya pa'y mukhang balisa na ito, mukhang may gustong sabihin ngunit nahihiya Lang.
"Yes baby?" Maligayang tanong ko sa kanya.
" I'm sorry for telling you before that I want Tita Trishella as my mom-- it's just that I'm supporting daddy whoever he want to be with" napayuko ito, pain is evident in his eyes. Oh Noah, don't be like this please.
I smile to him, trying to erase his regrets and pain. You're too young para maipit samin ng daddy mo.
"Don't worry anak, mommy's not mad. I love you so much na walang Sino man Ang makakapagpa bago non, na iintindihan mo ba? "
Ngayon mas klaro na sakin, mas naiintindihan ko na lahat Kong bakit Ganon siya sakin noon.
"Mommy, gusto mo ba malaman Kong ano Ang wish ko noong birthday ko?" I don't know why I'm feeling this way, masaya ako I'm sure of that, ngunit may konting pag aalinlangan pa ako, I really want my Noah to be happy, gusto Kong bumawi sa lahat ng pagkukulang ko.
"Okay, if you want to share your wish to momma"
" I did wish na Sana po, Hindi ka na aalis, na Kong aalis ka ulit po, pwedi sasama na ako? I miss you mommy, I really miss you so bad" Hindi ko na napigilan Ang maiinit Kong luha, wala akong ideya na ganito ka lalim Ang hiling ng aking anak.
Sa isang iglap Lang,gusto ko ng umayos ang lagay ko, I want to be with my son, I want to see him growing up, finish his school, having a job and having a family, I want to take care of him, his family, his children.
" I promise not to leave you again Noah, just hold on anak, magiging maayos din ang lahat" tumango din naman Ito na tila na iintindihan lahat ng sinasabi ko.
"Aren't you going home with me? Nandito po ako Kasi sinusundo Kita"
What the? For real?!
Gusto kong isipin na nag bibiro Lang Ang aking anak, ngunit ngumuso Lang ito sakin tila nag hihintay sa isasagot ko.
"Hmmn,baka kasi magalit ang daddy mo anak---
" Bakit po magagalit? Eh siya nga po ang nag sabi sakin na sunduin Kita"
Now I'm out of words, they really know how to surprise me, at ano na naman ang pinaplano ng lalaking Yun? Sana kong Hindi pa kami annulled siguro nag lumpasay na ako sa tuwa, but this? It makes me think even more, at paano si Trishella? Is this a joke? Dahil Hindi na talaga nakakatuwa. I know I've been longing for them, pero sana hindi Niya gawing rason Ito para paglaruan ang nararamdaman ng mga tao sa paligid Niya.
Isang oras pa ang lumipas, we're done with our breakfast, nakabihis na rin lahat, we're seating on the couch, waiting for Tristan. He called earlier na susunduin Niya na Lang si Noah, but he need to finish his meeting at Wala Naman itong binanggit maliban don. Hindi ako pinapatahimik ng isip ko, I am now confuse mas nadagdagan pa dahil sa sinabi ng anak ko. Did Tristan really ask Noah to do this? But why? I want to keep it as a secret, ngunit madaldal din pala ang anak ko, Kong ano ang sinabi niya sakin, ay sinabi din niya kina Mommy, Daddy at Arin. Heto na Naman Ang nakakainis na mukha ng pinsan ko, Ang sarap palitan ng mukha Niya.
"I can smell a big comeback" it's Arin holding a magazine, Hindi nakatuon Ang kanyang presensya sakin ngunit Alam Kong ako Ang pinuponterya Niya.
" This is what I'm trying to say anak, you need to focus on your treatment, your family needs you" Segunda rin ng aking Ina. Binigyan ko sila ng makahulugang tingin, Noah might heard them, at Hindi nga ako nagkamali dahil nag tanong na Ito.
" Are you going to hospital mommy? Are you sick? " Sunod sunod na tanong nito, this is why I don't want to tell him the truth, he's too young for this.
"It's just a headache baby, momma will be fine. Don't worry"
Gusto ko pa Sana siyang kumbinsihin ngunit biglang umiba Ang pakiramdam ko. I heard daddy is saying something ngunit Hindi ko maintindihan, Hindi klaro sa pandinig ko, things get blurry. I am having a hard time in breathing. I want to ask for help ngunit walang lumalabas sa labi ko, Noah is staring at me. No! I can't. My son! Hindi niya pweding Makita to.
I need to focus! I need to breath normally. Pilit Kong inabot Ang bag ko, my medicines!
Ngunit bago ko pa mahawakan ang bottle ng gamot ko ay nagkagulo na silang apat.
Now I'm loosing my breath. Sorry baby, mommy can't save you from seeing this.
BINABASA MO ANG
T O R M E N T
General Fiction"The most painful goodbye's are those which never said and never explained. "
