𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐮𝐞 - 𝐜𝐡𝐮𝐮𝐯𝐞𝐬

(FOUR)

Since that first incident when she was 14, Jiwoo had become accustomed to that sort of thing. She knew all the signals her friends would give meaning they wanted something from her. It had become a routine of sorts – it didn't matter what she was doing, if someone gave her ten minutes notice she was expected to drop everything and meet them... and she always did.

"Just being a good friend."

But by age 17, Jiwoo felt that she was no longer friends with any of them. They never spoke to her unless they wanted something. She was still invited to all their parties, where she was passed around between different people, never being asked what she wanted. Boys, girls, it didn't matter – if someone wanted her, they wanted her. It was the only way she could get anyone to pay attention to her. It was the only way she held any value to them. Of course she was bitter, and of course she hated herself for everything she let people do to her, but this had become her whole identity. People no longer saw her as a human being, she was just their toy. A frown or a "no" never made anyone see how much she hated all of it.

She knew she deserved better, but it had been more than three years since it had started, and it was all anyone knew her as. She couldn't change what they thought of her, she couldn't avoid the hungry stares from friends and strangers as she passed them in the hallways at school, and she couldn't ever unhear what they said about her. She's stupid. She's easy. Tell her you'll be her friend and she'll do whatever you want. Give her a time and a place and she'll be there. She's a slut. She'd fuck anyone who gets within 15 feet of her. Even her friends said it. They practically advertised her, telling new students and old friends, even teachers.

"It's a good thing she's cute," she once overheard a teacher say, "And the rest of us are lucky she says yes to everything. She may as well start charging; it's all she'll ever be good for." Jiwoo wanted to drop his class after hearing what he had said to her best friend, but if she asked to drop the class then she'd have to explain not only what the teacher had said but also why he had said it. She didn't want to make trouble.

She knew he was right anyway.