𝘙𝘰𝘣𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴 // 𝙍𝙚𝙙𝙙𝙞𝙚 {Completed}

✨A little bit more okay✨

TRIGGER WARNING: PANIC ATTACK AND SMASHING PLATES

Eddie shut his apartment door, the ghost of a smile lingering on his lips. He soon came to realise just how haunted ghosts are as he felt his chest constrict at the sudden darkness of his apartment, the loneliness creeping up on him again. Eddie thought once again, even after that party, 40- Richie still had someone there. Eddie had no one, sure he had Bill and Mike but they were more interested in other things, not that Eddie wanted them to only care about him but it would be nice to be noticed every once in a while. The two only ever talked to Eddie if he was the once to initiate the conversation in the first place. they didn't care.

They didn't care. In reality, they did. They always have, the three forming the undefeated trio the moment they met, But Eddie wasn't living in reality. He only found home within his own head, sure it was an unstable and scary home but he couldn't stop it.

And once his breathing turned shallow and his hands started to tremble, he knew he couldn't stop it. Tears sprung to the small man's eyes causing his honey pools to spill over into the reality he was so afraid of. Eddie felt his knees buckle beneath him, causing his small body to slide down his front door, folding in on itself.

It was happening again, it always did. Eddie would find a way to get out of his head but it would only last for so long before he was back at square one. He knew how this would end, him sobbing on the kitchen floor, surrounded by whatever outlet he smashed. He knew it and he couldn't stop it. Eddie contemplated calling in sick for work but he knew that Bev would instantly know what was happening and he couldn't stand the pitying looks. besides he'd probably be okay in time for work anyway. he hoped.

Eddie glared at the phone across the room, his mood swinging dangerously. He was angry, angry at the world for making him this way, angry at the world for taking away his happy childhood, angry at everything. Eddie could feel the heat swell in his stomach, his face burning red and cheeks swelled from the tears that had slipped. Why him? Why did he have to be the one burdened with this anxiety? he'd rather die.

in a flurry, Eddie lifted himself up, pacing towards the kitchen, he hated himself for his unhealthy outlets but he really felt like there was nothing more he could do. furiously wiping his eyes, cursing his easy emotions. Eddie grabbed a plate from the kitchen cupboard, practically throwing onto the kitchen island as he leaned forward, gripping the sides of the island until his knuckles turned white, eyes clenched shut. He tried to even out his breathing but his asthma didn't help him, and although it had gotten better with age, Eddie still felt his lungs screaming protest at him.

Finally snapping, Eddie gripped the plate he had retrieved in his hand, launching it across the room, only for it to shatter in pieces on the floor. Eddie felt shame in the satisfaction the chaos bought him, he was always bought up to be neat and up to standard. But in this moment, Eddie very much felt like the pieces scattered throughout the the floor leading into the living area, sharp and jagged, each piece disconnecting from itself creating a broken puzzle. that's what Eddie was, a broken puzzle.

Eddie's chest was heaving up and down, his breaths coming in shallow. the more he tried to swallow them down, the more it hurt. Eddie hurriedly dove into the fanny pack adorning his waist, a habit he hadn't been able to grow out of, finally feeling the smooth plastic of his inhaler, Eddie shook the small container, hearing the medicine swish around before he bought it up to his mouth in two shaky puffs.

Eddie breathed in, feeling air run smoothly into his lungs, his mouth lingering with the taste of battery acid. "fuck" Eddie breathed out, the days events reeling through his head. He felt okay when he was with Richie, in fact, he felt more than okay. he felt good. That was a first, Eddie let a small smile slip onto his face at the thought of the curly haired man that provided him with, quite frankly, the most delicious breakfast he had ever had.

Eddie felt his mind rest, at ease with the subject of Richie slipping through. It felt weird to him that the man he had hated but just a night ago was causing him to smile. Richie was annoying at breakfast but Eddie could tell it was more just his personality by the way Stan rolled his eyes at the seemingly familiar attitude of the taller man. Eddie felt warm and maybe he had Richie to thank for that.

Eddie peered over at his clock to see that it was now 1:45, he looked over at the broken plate pieces sprawled across his floor. Letting out an exhausted sigh, He started to clean the pieces up, Eddie knew that he had time to shower and compile his thoughts before he had to head to work.

He hated having panic attacks so early in the day, it left him groggy and tired for the rest of the day but as Eddie remembered that Richie would be working beside him for a while, everything seemed just a little bit more okay. However, everything lately seemed to be a little bit more okay around Richie. There was just something about him that he had missed at the party, Eddie felt lucky that he got to witness that side of him this morning, and who knows, maybe he was making a friend.

maybe he won't be so alone anymore.

A/N: Hey! sorry this chapter is a bit shorter than usual but i feel like Eddie in this chapter and i am just about reddie to smash a plate over my head. Hopefully i can make the next chapter extra long but we'll see :)