𝘙𝘰𝘣𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴 // 𝙍𝙚𝙙𝙙𝙞𝙚 {Completed}

✨i love you✨

Massive TW for this chapter- contains descriptions of a suicide attempt and self harm scar. If you are struggling, please don't be afraid to reach out to someone.

Crisis hotline for anyone who may need it, stay safe ♥️
⬇️

Samaritans

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~Elliot <3

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Blood. There was lots of blood.
He could feel it dripping, almost taunting him. It was like he was seeing himself in 3D, being forced to stand and watch as he destroyed himself, he felt like he was seeing himself for the first time. 

Richie stared, he watched as the blood slowly dripped down the side of the tub, he wanted to look away but his head was stuck in place. Richie felt his breath hitch as the bathroom door was slammed open, his dad running to him in a panicked, blubbering state. Richie saw the pain in his dad's eyes as wentworth clumsily tried to call an ambulance, his hands shaking. 

Richie wanted to reach out to his dad, wanted to pull him back and tell him to pull it together, he wanted to tell his dad to leave him, let him be, that there was nothing he could do...even though there was. He wanted to, and he tried, but his arms were stuck at his side and it felt like his mouth was glued shut. 

Richie scrunched his eyes closed as he heard the siren from the ambulance, the siren being almost deafening, he wanted to scream and shout and cry but he couldn't, he couldn't move or talk or even think, he was kind of just...there. like he always had been. 

****

Richie shot up with a gasp, the sound of a siren passing was all he could hear, well apart from the slight rustle of the air con. so that's where that breeze came from. Richie scanned his surroundings, it was unfamiliar to him yet he wasn't startled or panicked, it kinda felt like home. 

The smell of lemon and honey intoxicated his surroundings, he felt like he was breathing in the lemon and exhaling the honey. Richie looked towards the door that was cracked slightly open and, getting out of the bed he happened to be on, he walked through it into the main living space of an apartment. one he found quite familiar. 

"...Eddie?"

all of a sudden, the brunette appeared, walking out of the kitchen holding a mug. Eddie smiled at Richie.

"you're up! good. i made you the best hangover and sickness remedy...Lemon and Honey tea!"

Richie cringed slightly at the short man's bubbly attitude, his voice being a little too loud for Richie's liking.

"mhm...well thank you, it smells nice." 

Eddie giggled slightly at Richie's exasperated face as he sat down at the kitchen counter. 

"you look like shit." Eddie's face held a grin as he watched Richie sip the hot tea, the man really did look wrecked. puffy eyes, disheveled hair, pale skin. Eddie had to admit that he was concerned but he didn't think him obsessing over it would help Richie. 

Richie placed his tea down on the counter, wiping at the top of his lip. 

"Gee, thanks Ed's." 

Eddie smiled and sat down across from Richie. 

"Did you sleep well? you pretty much passed out instantly...kinda scared me, i thought you were dead for a minute, you fucker."

Richie snorted and gulped down the rest of his tea. Honey and lemon tea, he'd have to remember that for his next bender. 

"i slept fine, i guess. Hey, was...was my dad here last night or did i just make that up?" Richie creased his eyebrows, trying to remember the blurred events of last night. 

"oh...yeah he was...listen Rich, i'm sorry i didn't show up to the bar, i was going to, i really was i just-"

"That's alright Ed's." 

Richie looked up at Eddie's face, the two meeting eyes, staring into each other's souls, fears, regrets. it felt a little too personal but they couldn't look away. 

"no you- you don't understand. i need to tell you Rich."

Eddie kept staring into Richie's eyes, they had gone all big, like a puppy's, he thought. 

"when i was thirteen i was diagnosed with a panic disorder. I get these moments where everything goes dark and all the air is sucked out of my body and i can't move, and i definitely can't breathe, and it feels like i'm dying."

"oh wow," Richie grabbed Eddie's hands, squeezing them slightly. "I'm so sorry that happens to you."

Eddie was still looking Richie in the eye, those dark honey-pooled eyes. 

"it's okay, i've learned to live with it...plus when i'm around you..." Eddie paused, biting down on his lip, his cheeks tinting pink. "everything is that little bit more okay." 

Richie watched Eddie bite down on his lip, it wasn't in a sensual way but it was definitely doing something to the taller man. Richie reached out of Eddie's grasp and placed his hand on said man's jaw, slowly tracing his finger down Eddie's jawline. 

Eddie's breath hitched and he could feel his face tingling, Eddie looked down, feeling almost exposed. 

"you are so beautiful, little one." Richie's voice was soft and tender, it was the kind of voice that had the potential to cut you deep but then fix everything with a single plaster. it made Eddie melt. 

"i know a thing or two about the darkness myself. you shared a piece of your soul with me, Eddie, let me show you where mine died."

Richie removed his hand from the brunettes face as he shifted forward more towards Eddie, although the kitchen island restricted him to go further. Richie inhaled as he rolled up the right sleeve of the same shirt he had fell asleep in that night. The raven haired man Rolled it up to reveal a long scar running up his forearm, it was obvious the cut had gone deep by the way the skin welted slightly with the scar. 

"it's pretty ugly, i know. i wouldn't be caught dead wearing a t-shirt, not even in summer." 

Eddie observed the scar, a pit forming in his stomach, Richie had lost so much hope that he had gotten to the point of trying to commit suicide. He truly felt for the broken man. 

Eddie got off his chair and wandered into his bedroom...That was not the reaction Richie was expecting. Alas, the brunette returned, a sharpie gripped in his hand as he hopped back onto his chair and took a soft hold of Richie's right arm. 

Popping the cap of the pen in his mouth, Eddie started to doodle on Richie's arm as the ravenette watched in confusion and anxiety. When Eddie pulled away, a proud little smile on his face, Richie could see that the brunette had drawn at least ten little flowers going down the scar. 

"wha..."

"Recover is like a stem with a flower on each end. your scar, your past, is the stem, as you go through life you will hit milestones and achievements that you could've given up on when you decided to try and take your life, but instead, you get a flower." 

Richie looked up at Eddie, eye's wide and tearing up. He knew now he would never ever, ever be able to let go of Eddie. His Eddie, His Ed's, Ed's spagheds...his man. The man that had made him feel so safe and so warm, the man that had given him nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to fear but fear itself...not even that. 

"i love you." Richie was gripping onto Eddie's hands now, feeling the warmth between them morph into a new soul they share as one. 

"i love you too, chee." And Eddie really did, with all his heart, with all his broken and good pieces, he loved Richie Tozier...Apartment  402. 

AHHHHH i'm so sorry for the massive break in-between writing. i kinda went on a bender...ah yeaaaahhhh 

anyway, i hope everyone is okay and coping alright in these conditions, if not, that's okay too, these things take their time, remember to take yours. 

ily Lovelies ~ Elliot.