Destiny Destroyed

Chapter 9 (1985)

I bounce up and down in the seat next to Eric like a five year old going to get ice cream. My parents are letting me go to the mall with Eric. We're going Christmas shopping. We both know this is a huge step. "We could skip the mall and make out in the back seat," I say with all seriousness. Eric turns to me and grins. "You're so bad Destiny." I give him a pout. "It's your fault you know. You make me want to be bad," I say. The disappointment of his refusal apparent in my voice. "Don't be like that," he pleads. "I want our first time to be special. Not in the back of my car or sneaking in your room." He has a valid point. "I know. It's just you really do it for me," I tell him as I try my best to give him a flirty look. He sighs. "Shit Destiny. You really do make it hard for me to wait." I grin and say, "how hard." My eyebrows raising up and down. He gets my meaning and just shakes his head. I can see his grin though.

I stare out the window as we drive. "You're awful quiet," Eric says as we pull into the mall. "Sorry just lost in thought." He doesn't push me. That is the one thing that I love about Eric. He totally puts up with all my mood swings and baggage. He is so patient with me. I turn to him and smile. I want to tell him I love him but know it's too soon. I know he loves me too, but I will wait until he is ready to say it. I need to wait for him to say it first. I need to be sure before I tell him. A brief flash runs through my head. It's me telling someone I love them. I gasp out loud and quickly cover my mouth. "You alright," Eric asks when he notices me struggling to breath. "I need air," I gasp. He quickly pulls into a parking spot. I open the door and nearly fall out. I take deep breaths. I repeat over and over again in my head that I am fine. I am fine.

Eric hurries around and pulls me into his arms. "It's alright," he whispers while stroking my hair. We stay that way for several minutes. When I pull away from him, he's looking into my eyes. "What happened," he asks concerned. I close my eyes. I can't tell him the truth. Do I even really know the truth. "I don't know. I had some type of flash. I don't really know what it was or understand it. I never do. It just always sends me into a panic," I tell him as I wipe away the stray tear that escaped my left eye. "Let's go inside. It's cold out here," he says closing the car door and wrapping his arm around me. I snuggle into him as we make out way to the mall. My mind is racing. I can't help but think it's all my fault. I'm the reason Seth is dead. I hurt him. I hurt us. That is why Seth and I chose to die. I hurt him and that was how we decided to fix things.

As soon as we enter the mall, I push all thoughts of the flash away. The mall is decorated and Christmas music plays through the speakers. A smile lights up my face. The past is over. I can't change what happened. I am living in the now. I have the most wonderful boy in the world holding me. Life is good. I look over and see Eric watching me. "I love when you smile," he says. My heart melts. I love him. With all my heart. He kisses the top of my head. I wonder how I got so lucky to find him. I will forever be grateful to the asshole that knocked my books down that day. It turned out to be the best day of my life.

I follow Eric into Macy's. He's looking for a cashmere sweater for his mom. He also mentioned he wanted to buy her a pair of gold earrings. "Since my dad's been gone, she really hasn't gotten anything really special or beautiful," he tells me as we look at the sweaters. "She's had a really rough few years. Before my dad died, I always thought I would go somewhere warm for college. Somewhere like Florida or California. I wanted to be somewhere that was fairly close to the beach. After he died so many other bad things happened. I just know I'm all my mom has left. I have to find a college that I can commute to now. It's funny how things don't turn out the way we think or plan," he says sadly. I can honestly say I know exactly what he means.

I find the most beautiful sweater and Eric chose a fuchsia color for his mom. I haven't met her yet. I keep hoping one day I will be free to go to Eric's house. I had asked Eric when we started to get serious what he told his mom about me. He said they have no secrets. He told her everything. I was disappointed that she knew what a nut job I was. Eric said she was worried about the relationship at first. Once she saw how happy he was she warmed up to the idea of me. I was waiting for the day I could finally meet her.

Eric follows me over to the scarfs. "My mom loves to wear these to work," I tell him as I look. I look through all of them and finally settle on a royal blue one. I find a multicolored pink one while looking. "Do you think your mom would wear this," I ask as I loop the scarf around my neck. "Sure. It's really pretty." I pull it off from around my neck and loop it around Eric's. I pull him to me and kiss him. "I want to buy it for your mom for Christmas. Is that alright," I ask him as pull the scarf from around his neck. He grins at me. "Of course it's alright," he says kissing me. Eric decides to look at the earrings at Macy's. His plan was to stop by a jewelry store in the mall. Since we were at Macy's he thought it wouldn't hurt to look.

I was browsing the jewelry area and noticed a spinning rack with charms. I used to have a charm bracelet. I thought about the bracelet. I hadn't seen it in so long. It had been a gift from my mom and dad for my thirteenth birthday. I was so deep in thought I didn't even notice Eric come up behind me. When he touched me, I jumped a mile and a half. "You scared the crap out of me," I said when I turned to see him. "Sorry. What had your attention," he asked me. I pointed to the charms. "I used to have a charm bracelet. I just realized I haven't seen it since ... since I don't know when." I picked up one of the charms and stared at it. "I'll have to ask my mom or Faith about it," I say as I put the charm back on the rack.

Eric and I stop to get ice cream and walk through the mall while we eat it. I try my hardest to push thoughts of the bracelet out of my head. I can't figure out why it's bothering me so much. It was just a bracelet. Eric and I swap ice cream cones once we are half done with them. We purposely got flavors we both liked so we could switch. We stop and get his mom a pair of earrings. I used to have pierced ears. The holes closed up from not wearing earrings for so long. Another item the crazy chick can't have. Eric chose a pair of gold hoop earrings with a dangle heart attached. I thought they were beautiful. After we finished shopping for Eric's mom we shopped for the rest of my family. I bought Faith a pair of suede boots. I settled on a sports jersey for my dad of his favorite team. He is a sports nut. He had played both high school and college football back in the day.

Our shopping complete we reluctantly headed back to my house. "It was so nice to get out without someone watching over me waiting for me to do something bad," I tell him as we drive back to my house. "Can you stay for a bit," I ask him when we reach my house. The fact that he hasn't turned off his car already gives me the answer. "I told my mom I would be home for dinner." I nod. He leaves the car run as he comes around and opens my door. I take his hand to help me out. He gathers my bags from the back and carries them to the door for me. He sets them down and pulls me to him. Our lips meet and I get lost in his kiss. When he finally pulls away, I feel scared. I can't tell him that every time he leaves me, I feel like I will never see him again. That would sound crazy.

I watch as he walks to his car. He gives me a wave. I know I won't see him until Monday since he works tomorrow. I give a wave back and watch as he drives away. I hurry to gather my bags and rush inside. I drop them in my room and hurry to the kitchen. Mom is busy getting dinner ready. I sit and tell her all about the mall. I use every ounce I had to push away the dark feelings that want to return. It's waiting for an opening, but I refuse to let it in. I am getting better. Things are good. I will see Eric Monday. I will talk to him tomorrow. It's all good I tell myself.

I remember about the bracelet while we are eating dinner. "Do you know what happened to my charm bracelet from you and dad," I ask my mom while trying to finish everything on my plate. I had picked up some weight recently and it did look good on me. My mom stops eating and looks at me. "I don't think I've seen that bracelet in a couple years," she says. "Any idea what might have happened to it," I ask her. She shakes her head no. I can't stop thinking about that bracelet. I ransack my room looking for it. I grill Faith about it. No one has seen it for a long time. I give up looking and decide to read. I look through the books on my shelf and pull out a book I don't remember reading. I open the cover and freeze. Inside sketched on the cover is me. I stare at the pencil sketch in my likeness. It's good. Really good. I run my hand over it closing my eyes. "You're so beautiful Destiny. I can't wait until everyone knows you're mine," he says.

I fall asleep with the book next to me. I don't dream about the sketch or the book. Instead I dream of Seth. He's yelling at me. I'm scared of him. He's in my face. I can't breathe. I try to focus on what he's yelling, but I'm too scared. I need to get away from him. I don't where I am. I try to focus on what's around me, but all I see is Seth's angry face yelling at me. My head hurts and I can barely stay standing. I slide to the floor. Everything goes black and I finally sleep.