Destiny Destroyed

Chapter 12 (1985/1986)

I sit with Eric at the small cafe near his mom's work. She's meeting us for lunch. I can feel my hands sweating as we wait. I'm so nervous about meeting her. I have her present sitting on the empty chair next to me. Eric is sitting across from me. His mom will mostly take the seat next to him. He had wanted to sit next to me, but I thought it might be better if he were across from me. I wanted to be able see his face and read him. I try to focus on the conversation Eric is trying to have with me but can't. I keep thinking, what if she doesn't like me. What if I say or do something stupid? What if I have a panic attack. "Destiny, stop. Just breathe. It's just my mom. She's not going to bite you. "I just really want her to like me." I know how important it is for a future mother in law to like you. I keep that comment to myself. This lunch could be the end of us if she didn't like me. Would Eric stop seeing me if she hated me. I wanted to ask him but decided not to.

"Here she comes," Eric says reaching across the table to take my hand. Now I was wishing he was sitting next to me. I watch as a petite blond woman slips out of her coat and sets it over the back of her chair. The chair next to Eric. She smiles at me as she sits. "Hi sweetie," she says looking at Eric. "Mom this is Destiny," Eric says with a huge smile. I smile back. "It's so good to meet you Mrs. Williams." I reach across the table to shake her hand. "It's good to finally meet you to Destiny. And please call me Angie." I smile at her. The waitress seeing our party of three was now complete came over to take our order. I'm surprised by how easy the conversation is. Eric's mom is super nice. She loved the scarf I got her. She never once asked me about my issues. She didn't try to seek out the jagged scars that covered my wrists. I didn't usually try to cover them. I learned in therapy to accept them. It didn't bother me when people stared or judged me. I didn't worry about what other people thought.

When Angie's lunch break was over, she stood and gave both Eric and I hug. "It was very nice to finally meet you Destiny," she said. I was surprised when she whispered in my ear "You make my boy very happy. Thank you." With those words she gathered her stuff and left. Eric and I both sat back down. "She liked you," he said beaming. I smiled back. "Thank goodness for that. I don't know what I would do if she didn't." Eric looked at me and said, "Even if she hadn't, I wouldn't stop seeing you." He reached over the table and took my hand. I nearly melted when he brought it to his lips and kissed the palm. "I can't image you not in my life," he says. "Neither can I," I say. Later I would wonder more about that lunch. I would question why me. Why was I the one to make him happy? He was a great person. He was sweet, funny and attractive. He could have his pick of girls if he wanted. Why did he choose me? I'm so damaged.

JANUARY 1986

Christmas break was over, and it was back to school. I had to admit my life was going well. I was finally in a good place. Ryan didn't hover as much, and I got to spend time with Eric. Though I was limited on what I could do, I was doing things. No matter how small to some, it was big to me. I was making a life for myself. I hadn't had dark thoughts or thoughts of hurting myself for some time now. I also hadn't had any recent episodes of the boy with the green eyes and soft voice. While it made me slightly sad, I was more than happy to put whoever he was behind me. I knew there had been someone besides Seth. I also knew whoever this person was, he was no longer in my life. Whether it was by my choice, his choice or mutual. The only boy I cared about was Eric.

Since I wasn't allowed a hall pass to go to the bathroom, I was permitted to be late to class at times. As long as Ryan was with me, I basically got a hall pass being late to class. I hurried inside the bathroom closest to my next class. I had gotten my period during the night so my bathroom break was a bit longer than normal. I finished taking care of my problem and was washing my hands. I noticed smoke coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. I bent over to look for shoes. There was nothing. "Hello in there," I said or maybe it was more of a question. No one answered. "I know someone's in there." I sighed. "I'm not going to tattle that you're smoking. Just so you know the assistant guidance counselor is outside waiting for me." The toilet flushed and the door flew open. There in a cloud of smoke stood a very short girl with green hair. The new girl. I had heard there was a tiny new girl with green hair running around.