Destiny Destroyed

Chapter 18 (1981)

The next time Lucas and I are painting, I feel him staring at me. I turn to him and ask "What." His mouth turns up in a grin. He looks so cute. I grin back at him. "What," I ask again. He stands and walks over to me. He kneels next to me and takes my face in his hands. Butterflies set sail in my stomach. "You have paint on your nose," he says. Before I can respond, be reaches out and wipes my nose with his thumb. When it doesn't come off, he licks his finger and wipes again. His face is close to mine. I close my eyes. I can feel his breathe on my face. My breathing quickens. I want him to kiss me. I really want him to kiss me. I open my eyes and he's looking at me. He swallows hard. "It's gone," he says in a whisper. I watch disappointed as he stands and goes back to his spot. "Thanks," I say and try my best to continue painting.

My thoughts are a mess. I can't understand why Lucas is having such an effect on me. I can't believe I had wanted him to kiss me. I wonder what it would be like to kiss someone other than Seth. Would it feel different. Would I feel different. I steal a glance over at Lucas. He's wearing a blue plaid flannel shirt. His sleeves are rolled up to his elbows. I think about his thumb brushing over my nose. I felt his touch. I felt it from the top of my head to the end of my toes. His touch affected me. I can't help but want to feel it again. The bells rings and I stand. Lucas comes over and takes my brushes. "I'll clean them," he says motioning me to the door. He turns away and I reach out and grab his arm. He looks down at where my hand is touching his arm. "Thank you," I say to him. He slides his arm up so that my hand is resting in his. He briefly closes his eyes. He lets go and says "Sure."

I wake up Monday feeling sick. I take the day off school. Seth is pissed when I don't show up. He uses the pay phone to call me. I don't feel well and plan to stay in bed all day. I use the day to rest. I watch a couple movies on the couch. I listen to music. I sleep some. My mom comes home early and brings me soup. Seth calls me again at lunch and then once he's home he calls me several times during the evening. My mom takes messages once she is home. They are all the same. I miss you. I hope you are feeling better. Please call me.

I finally call back later in the evening. "I was worried about you babe," he says when I finally call him. "I was sleeping most of the day Seth. You knew I was sick. My mom would have told you if I was near death," I bark at him. I'm a bitch. I know it. I feel bad, but don't apologize. I just want some space. It's not like I am messing around on him. Seth ignores my outburst and proceeds to tell me about his day. As usual it's all about him. I cough a few times and tell him I need to go. "My mom is making me tea," I tell him hoping he will end the call. "Alright babe. Enjoy your tea and dream about me. See you tomorrow. Love you," he says and waits for me to say it back. "Love you," I say hiding my sigh of annoyance.

I still don't feel well the next morning but head off to school anyway. My mom insists I eat a piece of toast before I go. Seth is waiting at my locker. I avoid his kiss by telling him I am still sick and don't want him to catch it. I breathe a sigh of relief when I walk into the back room behind the stage. This is my time. I remember as I close the door that it isn't exactly all my time anymore. I have to share this time with Lucas. I'm finding it more and more appealing. I like being around Lucas. He's nice. We've been talking more, and I am starting to feel like he is becoming a friend. As usual he beats me to the room. I guess you can be prompt if you don't have a boyfriend clinging to you between classes.

I take the paint over to my spot and lay it down on the drop cloth. I open the paint and immediately get sick. I race to the small room and just make it to the sink before I throw up. I grip the sides of the sink and just as another wave of nausea hits me. I feel someone pull back my hair. I throw up two more times before my stomach is somewhat happy. I turn the water on to wash the mess I made down the drain. I use my right hand to scoop water into my mouth. I swish it around and spit. I repeat this a couple times before my mouth feels better. I lift up my head and turn towards Lucas, he lets my hair go. His green eyes are full of concern.