Destiny Destroyed

Chapter 21 (1982)

I wake up Tuesday happy. I can't wait to see Lucas. I have an internal battle in my head about what a horrible person I am. I had lied to Seth. There was someone else. I tell my head to just shut up. I dig through my clothes looking for something extra nice to wear. Normally on Tuesday's and Thursday's I wear more casual clothes. That way if I get paint on them it won't matter much. I decide on a jean skirt with my black knee-high boots. I find a black sweater that fits me snug. I walk down the hall holding my breath. Will Seth be waiting for me. I am relieved to see there is no one at my locker.

When I get to the painting area behind the stage, Lucas is already there. He is pulling paint. "Hello," he says and then adds "I pulled your colors for you." I smile at him. "Hi and thanks." I walk over to where he is standing and start looking through the brushes. "How was your Christmas," he asks. I turn my head and look at him. He's only a few inches from me. My heart quickens. His green eyes sparkle. He looks happy. "It was nice. How was yours." I turn away and reach for the same brush Lucas is reaching for. Our hands touch. Neither of us pull away. I stand staring at his hand on mine. He softly runs a finger over the back of my hand. I close my eyes. When I don't pull away or object, he does it again. A door closing startles both of us. We quickly pull away from each other. I look towards the door, but no one is there.

"My grandfather stayed with us over the holiday," Lucas tells me as we paint. I look over at him. He's concentrating on something he's painting. I smile at him and go back to my own painting. Being here with Lucas is so relaxing. I feel so comfortable with him. "He wakes up the first night there and can't figure out where he is. I guess he was looking for the bathroom but couldn't find it in the dark. He peed in my mom's banana tree plant." I look over at him to see if he is serious. He looks at me and bursts out laughing. I join him. "How did you know," I ask between laughs. "He hit the wall too." We laugh harder.

When we finally calm down, Lucas adds "My mom smelled it." This sets us both off again. "My mom made me drag the plant out to the garage," he laughs more. I'm practically on the floor laughing when I realize I am wearing a skirt and Lucas can probably see right up it. I hurry to sit and fix my skirt. Lucas's eyes follow my movements. "You look really pretty today," he says. I blush and say thanks. "So did your mom say something to your grandfather." "No. She told him the plant had bugs." We both break out in giggles.

We go back to painting. "I broke up with Seth yesterday," I blurt out. Lucas drops his brush. It bounces off the black AC/DC t-shirt he's wearing. He takes a rag and tries to wipe the paint off. He doesn't look at me when he asks why. I think about the why. I'm not sure what to tell him. Do I tell him that part of it is because I have a crush on him. What if he really doesn't feel the same way about me. But he must. The little moments we have shared have to mean he likes me too. "It's something I have wanted to do for a while now. He's just so possessive. He makes it hard." Lucas sets the brush down. "He makes what hard." I look down at the floor and then back to him. "Everything. Hard to stay with him. Hard to leave him," I say as the bell rings.

Lucas stands and comes over to give me a hand up. I look at his outstretched hand. I place my hand in his and he gently pulls me up. I am so close to him my chest is nearly touching his. His hand is still holding mine. I look into his eyes and say "Lucas." He closes his eyes for a brief second and when he opens them, he steps back and releases my hand. "I'll clean your brush," he says taking it out of my other hand. Disappointment spreads through me like a wildfire in a drought. "Alright thanks. I guess I will see you Thursday," I tell him as I gather my things. I can hear the sink running. I steal a glance in the sink room. Lucas is standing by the sink chewing on his bottom lip. He looks lost in thought. I turn and leave.

I stand looking at the lunch table unsure what to do. The only seat open is next to Seth. He's busy talking to Henry across from him and doesn't see me. My eyes travel to Lucas's table. He's watching me. I can't sit with him. I look down at my tray. I walk over to the garbage and take the turkey sandwich and milk off the tray. I dump the rest. I hurry out of the cafeteria and to the stairwell. I sit on the steps and eat my lunch. After a couple minutes the door opens, and Lucas stands there. He slips inside. "You alright," he asks me. "I'm fine thanks. It was just a bit awkward. I'll ask someone to sit next to him tomorrow." Lucas watches me. "You could sit with me if you wanted," he finally says. "Maybe eventually. Not yet though. I need time." He doesn't say anything more but takes a seat next to me.

It's a risky move. If Seth was watching, he could show up here. Lucas reaches out and touches the bracelet on my wrist. "I noticed you wear this all the time," he says admiring it. I smile. "It was a birthday gift for my thirteenth birthday from my parents. They buy me a charm for it on special occasions. This one," I say showing him the 13 "is from that birthday." The next one is 14. "Fourteenth birthday." Then fifteen. I point to the crown. "Daddy's princess." Lucas smiles. The last one is a heart. I hesitate. "Seth got me this one for Christmas," I tell him. "It's a very beautiful bracelet Destiny," he tells me as he stands. "I better go," he says. He turns, gives me a smile, then leaves me alone in the stairwell.

I am surprised Seth is giving me the space I asked for. This morning Gabby and Tara are waiting by my locker. "So is it really true," Gabby asks. "What." She rolls her eyes at me. "That you and Seth broke up." "We're taking a break. I need a little space," I say as Gabby stares closely at me. She's looking for something else. She's looking for Lucas. I won't give it to her. He's all mine and I don't plan to share my feelings about him with anyone. He's my secret. "I am so happy," she finally says giving me a high five. I don't feel the happiness she does. I feel bad. I feel bad for the entire situation. Seth doesn't deserve me crushing on another guy. Lucas doesn't deserve someone who is already sort of in a relationship. I feel selfish.

I walk down the hall with Tara and Gabby for the first time in a long time. Gabby and Joey already went their separate ways. We are three free girls. Seth is nowhere to be seen. I can feel the kids watching us. Staring at me. The whispers start. It won't be long now before the entire school knows something is wrong. I ignore everyone and focus on what Tara and Gabby are talking about. "So are you in Destiny," Gabby asks. I look at her and she immediately knows I didn't hear a word she said. "Sorry," I say trying to focus on her and only her. "My sister is going to a party Saturday night and I've been invited to tag along. Tara already planned to go. What about you." I think about this for a minute. "I don't know Gab," I finally say. Am I ready to go out? I haven't been to a party for a long time. Usually Seth declined party invites.

Gabby sighs. "You're a free woman Destiny. Have some fun and live a little." I think about what she said. "Your right. Count me in," I tell her with a huge grin. Both Tara and Gabby squeal with delight. "This is going to be awesome." I wish I was as sure as she was. Instead I'm worried. I'm worried about Seth finding out I went to a party. He would be so mad. I'm worried Lucas will think badly of me. Here I am flirting with Lucas and dumping Seth. Now I would be headed to a party. I didn't want to get a reputation for being... being what. I guess the word I am looking for is easy. Loose. A slut. A lot of people think I've slept with Seth. They might think I'm an easy mark. I shake all thoughts out of my head. I overthink everything way too much.

Thursday, I beat Lucas to the painting room. Instead of gathering stuff to paint, I pull out the journey tape I got for Christmas and put it in the cassette slot on the radio Lucas and I found. I flop down on the mat in the corner and close my eyes. This is what I want to do today. I want to listen to Journey for the next forty minutes. My head is a jumbled mess. I don't trust the decisions I am making. I feel Lucas slide onto the mat next to me. Stone in love is playing. I don't have to look to know it's him. I can smell the laundry soap his mom uses. I feel his hand bump mine. I slip my hand into his. We lie there holding hands and listening to Journey. It's one of the most perfect moments of my life.

When the tape clicks off, we continue to lay on the mat. I don't want to get up to flip it over. Where I am at is where I want to be. I know our time will end soon. I turn over and look at Lucas. "I like you," I tell him. He rolls towards me. "I like you to," he says. We lay there staring at each other. He reaches out and brushes back some stray hair that has fallen across my face. I lean my face into his hand. "I like you a lot Lucas," I tell him nervously. "I like you a lot too Destiny." I smile at him. "So now what." He slides a little closer to me. "We take it slow," he says reaching out to take my hand in his again.