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drowning. obviously, no one was underwater but the weight that was pressured all over her body was enough to make her feel like she's drowning. she didn't know why she felt this way. why this sudden sadness washed all over her. she finally got herself to get up from her bed and head downstairs. the heaviness in her body only grew once she realized her mother was downstairs.
her mother was sitting on the couch, putting on shoes since she was getting ready to go to work. she heard y/n heading down and quickly got up.
"you finally decide to get up, huh? god you are so annoying, what time did you sleep?" once again pestering her. y/n quietly answered back "not late" and headed to the kitchen to make herself breakfast. she felt her mother's stare, the uncomfortably unnecessary stare.
once she stepped out the house, y/n let out her breath, not even realizing she was holding it. she grabbed her waffles and sat on the couch, turning in the tv. y/n began thinking. thinking about anything that could pop in her head. her reason for sadness became more obvious to her. she began thinking of her relationship with her mother. her siblings. her family. her friends. tears started streaming down her face causing her to turn off the tv and go to her room.
grabbing her phone, she began to play music to try to drown out her thoughts. 'fine line' by harry styles echoed in her room. playing it on almost full volume on her speaker she sat on the floor. tears freely falling along with the sobs she couldn't keep in. her mother never saying anything positive to her. her friends never bothering to check up on her. her siblings picking at her insecurities. her past lovers using her, treating her like she's a piece of meat. everything just replaying in her head.
maybe it's what i deserve. i don't deserve anything but to rot and cry. i don't deserve happiness. i don't deserve to smile. i deserve to hurt.
repeating and repeating. 'we'll be alright' harry sings. this causes her to cry more. will i be alright? will everything be alright? 'we'll be alright'.
her phone rings which causes her music to fade-away. she picks it up to realize that one of the only friends she has text her.
mike :) : hey y/n. can i come over? miss you.
looking at her reflection she sees how beat up she looks. she knew she needed the company so she text back a quick "sure!" and got ready. should she tell him what's been going on? if it gets bad, she'll tell him. he has some of the best advice and really knows how to help her due to knowing each other for years. what if she's bothering him like always? she makes herself stop thinking like that to get ready faster.
she hears a knock on her door and she quickly runs downstairs. she opens the door to see the bubbly curly haired boy. to say they're polar opposites in their personality would be an understatement. she let him in and hugged him since it's been a few days since they last saw each other.
"hey bub, how are you?" she asked as they walked up the stairs to her room.
"i've been pretty okay. missed your cute ass! sorry i've just been helping around the house and you know how much of a perfectionist my mom is." she laughed at his statement since his mom IS a huge perfectionist. he plopped on her bed and listened to the music playing in the background. 'fine line' was still playing since she had it on repeat.
"fine line? what's wrongggg?" he asked her as he placed his chin on his hand. she sat on the floor below him and sighed.
"just life, y'know? i cant handle being here anymore." she breathed in deeply in order to not cry. he sighed and went down to sit next to her. he grabbed her delicate hand and let her rest her head on his shoulder.
"here at your house or here here?" he softly asked her. she stayed quiet, too afraid to answer.
"y/n you'll be alright. you're one of the strongest people i know. after everything you've been through, you're still here. breathing. living. being strong. you deserve the world and so much more. don't let anyone tell you otherwise. you bring light to peoples lives. everything's gonna be okay. listen to harry, we'll be alright." he ended with a little laugh. she smiled at him and leaned in to hug him. she started crying on his shoulder which he showed was okay by patting her back.
"i'm sorry mike, everything just hurts. i hope i didn't ruin your mood." she got off him and he wiped away her tears.
"no, you didn't. i'm always here for you, you know that."
"yeah, of course."
"we'll be alright y/n."
"we'll be alright."
sorry luvs this sucks ass AND I HAVENT UPDATED IN YEARS???? AND THANK U FOR 24k WTF!?!?!?!?!?!?!!! i might make a part two for this tbh. i'm so sorry i haven't, so much has been happening in my life. this was sort of a rant, stuff i wanna say but cant. i hope you are all staying safe! STAY HOME! QUARANTINE! SOCIAL DISTANCE YOURSELF! STAY INSIDE! STAY SAFE! love u all <3
