DIFFERENT

6 -- Knowing - Laurent

Dearest Readers !!  

Prince Larry is SO unwell ! And Prince Laurent is beside himself with worry and sadness.  But he is beside his love, and will be through everything ...... whatever "everything" is .......

Laurent could hardly contain himself as he sat waiting for the doctor in the relatives lounge at the hospital, pacing in front of the red chairs that were supposed to make you feel a little better, as if their bright colour alone could make any news less awful.  They had checked Larry in, and taken him straight to the Emergency Department, Laurent's last vision of him being surrounded by doctors and nurses giving each other directions, beeping monitors and I.V.'s being attached to his love's arms.  Now he had the almost impossible task of waiting ...... waiting for news, waiting to hear how Larry was, waiting to hear what was wrong, waiting to know what could be done.

There was still a war raging in his mind.  It was beating up on Laurent, accusing him of all kinds of horrible, unwarranted things.  How could you leave him like this, Laurent ?  You knew he wasn't well !  Why didn't you go back to New York with him, or at least, make him stay in London so you could at least keep an eye on him ?  But the worst, the one that absolutely broke him apart.  How could you let him be there for three days, to go through this alone ?  How, how could you ?  You promised him, YOU PROMISED, you would be there for him, you would go through the tough times together, and you weren't there for him !  Laurent's mind wasn't listening to any kind of common sense or rationale now, all he could do was blame himself for not being there for his love. 

"Mr Bourgeois ?" he was jolted from his admonitions, quickly wiping away his tears as he stood to greet the doctor.

"Yes, doctor, what do we know ?"  he asked, the professional, efficient, focused persona making itself known in his voice and demeanor.

"We know very little, at the moment, all we do know is that he has an awful flu virus, but we don't know what strain it is yet.  He also has an infection, which is the worst of the two for his body.  It has taken hold so fast, and is spreading at an alarming rate, that we've had to sedate him, a really low grade induced coma, so the brain can rest and let the body do it's own healing.  He's in the I.C.U. at the moment, and we're monitoring him round the clock.  The next 24 hours will be critical, and how and what medications we can safely administer will dictate how he recovers from this." The doctor was looking Laurent in his face, as it went from stoic, to partial acceptance, to heartbreak in a few moments.  His mind grasped the last thing the doctor had said, though.

"What do you mean, how he recovers from this ?  What does that mean, exactly ?"  Laurent's eyes were trying to read the doctors expression, but not getting very far.  The doctor looked at him with a pained expression, taking a few moments to choose his words carefully.

"Mr Read has a high grade fever, obviously caused by the infection. He's being kept cool to try to bring the fever down, but his temperature has already reached 105 degrees, that's dangerously high.  If it reaches 107 it could result in brain damage, but we're a long way from that yet"  Laurent was having a hard time catching his breath now, shaking his head quickly, blinking his eyes, trying to find some logic and common sense to what the doctor was telling him, but his heart was overriding his brain, wanting to scream that this wasn't possible.  The doctor continued.

"We have his medical records on hand, and I'm interested to note his condition, but it obviously complicates things "  he was trying to smile at Laurent, and he thought this was an odd thing to be seeing on the face of a professional who was giving him such grave news.

"Yeah, I know, but how does it complicate things, doctor ?  Does his condition require some kind of specialised treatment, medication ?  I don't understand  ...."  The doctor then realised something, which would change altogether how he broached breaking the news to this man, the man whose love was in his care ..... 

"Mr. Bourgeois, would it better if you sat down ?  There's something you need to know, that I'm not sure you may be aware of, if either of you are aware of ..."  he trailed off.   Laurent's tears were flowing again, not knowing for sure why, just that if he had been asked to sit down, it couldn't be good.  The doctor guided him to a seat, and he flopped down into it.  He looked at the doctor now, a look somewhere between bewilderment and devastation on his face, his mind racing, not wanting to hear what came out of the doctor's mouth, but knowing he would have to hear it, to endure it, whatever it was.

"Mr Bourgeois ...... Laurent ?"  He was asking if he could call him by his first name, oh God, it was worse than he thought.  He nodded his head.  "Laurent. " The doctor let out a huge sigh.

"We have to be very careful with the medication we can administer to Mr Read ..... Larry.  We have to contain and destroy the infection as quickly and efficiently as we can, of course, but we may not be able to give him the type, or the dosage of medication that we want to, as we don't want to cause harm...... to ...... "  he couldn't finish what he was going to say, as by the look on Laurent's face, he obviously had no clue.  Shit.  So that meant that Larry probably didn't have a clue either.

"What, doctor, I'm sorry, but for God's sake, please just tell me, harm to Larry ?!  What kind of harm .... "

"To the baby".   There was a long pause.  A really long pause.

"What ............  sorry, what ?"

"The baby, Laurent.  Larry is pregnant.  We don't want to cause harm to the baby.  Larry is strong, he can endure a lot, but we can't jeopardize the baby ..... You didn't know ......"  it wasn't a question, as it was so obviously a statement.  

He didn't know.  If Larry had known, he would have told him, surely.  The only other conclusion was that Larry didn't know either.  Laurent's mind was in utter confusion now, not knowing whether to believe the doctor or not, or to rely on his own gut instinct, but in this situation, the doctor was better equipped with the truth and knowledge than his gut was.  

"Sorry, what ?" he reiterated.  The doctor felt bad for having to give this man in front of him, a man he was familiar with from his wife's love of the ballet, this kind of news.  Everyone who knew anything about that world knew who Laurent Bourgeois was.  He was known and well respected as a caring, giving and kind man.  And here he was, the news that he was about to be a father, overshadowed by whether his life partner, let alone their child, would be fit enough to survive the next few days.  The words he had spoken were now forming themselves into reasonable sense in Laurent's brain.

"The baby ?"  he said, eyes wide.  The doctor afforded himself a smile now.

"The baby.  You obviously didn't know, Laurent, I'm sorry to have to break it to you like this, but yes, you are going to be a father, God willing.  But, listen, OK ?  Listen to me now"  he was sat right in front of Laurent, face to face, holding his wrists to make sure he paid attention to him, that what he was about to say sunk in.

"Larry is heavily sedated, so the baby is too.  We have to monitor both of them very carefully, 24/7, and we will.  But because we can't give Larry the high doses of medication we want to, to kill the infection, he is in grave risk, they both are, Laurent.  So, I have to ask you a question, and you may want to contact family or friends to be with you, OK ?  To help you, to support you through this.  Is there anyone nearby ?"  Laurent shook and nodded his head in circles, he wasn't sure who he could all, if he called anyone at all.  Hold up .....

"A question ...... what question ...... ?" He could only do this man the honour of being completely honest and upfront with him.

"If things get to a point where there is no choice but to save one or the other, because to try to save both might jeopardize both, which one do we save, Laurent ?  Larry, or the baby ?  I know this would be the hardest decision you would ever have to make, but I just need you to be prepared with your answer, OK ?  It will probably not come to that, and God, let's hope it doesn't, but if it does, we will have to act fast.  So call someone, take some time to think, to talk, and make a decision, OK? "  Laurent nodded, knowing, but not really knowing what he was nodding to.  "Do you need anything, Laurent, do you need one of the counselling team to visit with you ?"  No, he shook his head, not yet.  Not yet.  Never.

"What kind of a FUCKING CHOICE is that ?!"