Forbidden Sensuality

33

Jinyoung gently closed the door behind him, his eyes settling on Jaebum who stood in the middle of the room. The elder seemed a bit downcast, and his tone was pretty flat, which scared Jinyoung. He was already sweating quite a bit from nerves, and now he was even more on edge as he could tell that something was wrong.

"Are you okay, Jaebum?"

"Are you okay?" the elder countered.

Jinyoung swallowed hard before stuttering a response. "I'm... f-fine..."

"So, you really wanna be here with me right now?"

Jaebum wasn't making much sense so far, and Jinyoung was more than confused. He wasn't sure what the elder's problem could be, but he was sure it must have something to do with something he did or said. "Huh? What do you mean?"

The elder sighed. "Just... you seemed reluctant to want to switch rooms so... I can call Mark to come back if you really don't wanna stay with me."

"That's not... it's nothing to do with you necessarily...." Jinyoung responded, his head shaking at the mere suggestion of Jaebum being the problem; he was damn near perfect.

"If it's not me then what is it?"

Jinyoung frowned in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

Jaebum shook his head again, letting out a breath before elaborating. "It's just... no matter what I do, you keep pulling away from me. You act like you like me and open up a tiny bit, then immediately close yourself up again and keep me shut out. I mean, earlier you couldn't even say that we were simply dating."

Jinyoung was overwhelmed by Jaebum's honest feelings; he didn't even know what to address first. He had totally forgotten about the boyfriend thing earlier, but it must've been on Jaebum's mind ever since the incident. "W-Well, earlier was because I wasn't sure if we were at that stage..."

"Even if you were sure, would you have confidently said that you were mine? Like, aloud? In front of other people?" Jaebum cocked his head, waiting for an answer.

Though Jinyoung couldn't give him one, as he wasn't sure what he would have done. He refused the title 'boyfriends' out of panic and a sudden rush of embarrassment; he hadn't really thought too hard about it, but apparently Jaebum had. "I... um..."

Jaebum's shoulders slumped, his frown deepening. "Do you even think of me in that way? I mean... are your feelings romantic or just..."

"Of course they're romantic!" Jinyoung blurted out before Jaebum could finish his sentence. The last thing he wanted was the elder thinking that he only was interested in him for sexual purposes. The physical benefits of being with Jaebum were a great bonus, but he genuinely just loved the elder's company and quite literally everything about his personality; nothing could get in the way of those feelings that had rooted themselves deep within his heart. "J-Jaebum, listen, this is all new to me. I don't wanna make you upset but I just... I have a lot to learn still with like, relationships and stuff like that. It's not easy."

"I'm not upset, I get it." Jaebum ran his fingers through his hair, seeming slightly relieved, but also still a bit concerned about where their relationship stood. "Just... I don't wanna be your friend forever. I like you too much for that."

As nice and flattering as Jaebum sounded, his words still scared Jinyoung too much for him to graciously give in. "I thought you were willing to go at my pace?"

The elder faltered, taking a second to think about how he phrased himself so he didn't come across as too pushy. "I-I am, I'm sorry. But I mean... your pace is like a snail. We can definitely still go slow, that's not the problem, it's just... I really want to be able to proudly call you mine and be like... boyfriends... that's the only thing I really really want. To make us official."