Competition in your heart! [YiZhan/ZhanYi FF]✔️

-13- A silent day

-12- A silent day

And as if the knife in my heart wasn't enough, Zhan straightens up a little and says, "Maybe we better not go too far and stop before it gets too hard."

Can't he see that it's already too hard for me? That I am already suffering and I can no longer imagine leaving and not seeing him again?

"Do you think it's that easy?" I ask him and have to pull myself together to not let him notice how hurt I am.

"No, Yibo, I don't think so. But I think it will only get worse when you leave."

"But I can't turn off how I feel about you. I can't turn off the fact that I want you and no one else." And even if I tried it, now I could not hold back my tears. Too deep is the pain and too deep is the fear of losing Zhan.

Zhan wipes my tears from my eyes and caresses my cheek. "I already know what you mean. But I can't have a relationship with you, even if I want to."

"Can't you think about it again? Sleep on it at least one night and then decide? Maybe we can try to at least use the time we have? We don't have to have a relationship. But maybe we can still be together somehow."

"You mean a friendship plus?"

"Sort of. I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about the kind we used to have, cuddling, holding hands, kissing."

"I don't know Yibo."

"At least think about it, OK? Sleep on it for a night and then you decide."

"All right. I'll think about it. But don't cry anymore." Says Zhan to me and gives me a kiss on my cheek.

I pressed him firmly against me and turned my head towards him. I could see in his eyes that he too was sad. I put my hand on his cheek, closed my eyes and kissed him.

We kissed until we fell asleep and again and again I woke up in the night and checked if Zhan was still lying on top of me. I wanted him as close to me as possible and not allow an inch between us.

When I woke up in the morning, Zhan was already back on his feet. I heard him singing softly in the kitchen and I didn't know this song yet. I crawled out of bed and asked him who the song was from and he told me he had received it from Wang Han this morning.

I looked on my phone and I also had a song delivered by Wang Han. I listened to the melody and read the lyrics. I got real goose bumps when I put the two together.

After breakfast Zhan and I went to the rehearsal room and besides our song for the duet, we also sang our new songs. They sound like they're from a long forgotten time and yet they hit you right in the heart as if you were in that time.

The message from Wang Han said they want us to sing our duet and the other two songs in the show on Friday. A solo for Zhan and me.

And even though we were together the whole time, we hardly talked. Zhan often avoided me, even with his look. It was hard, but I tried not to let it show. Maybe he's busy thinking about us and I don't want to push him.

However, I hope that Zhan won't be like that in the coming days when the camera team is there to take some shots of us. Or when we're in the studio when the song will be recorded.

But most of all I hope that Zhan won't turn away from me now. The thought of that scares me the most.

Zhan looks at his watch and he looks at me and he says, "Hungry?" I nod and then follow Zhan into the kitchen where we cooked together.

This time we just put the camera on the table and filmed the two of us preparing the meal. "ZhanZhan?"

"Mn?"

"When are you gonna start acting normal again?" Do I ask him after I stop the recording.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, when are you gonna talk to me again? When are you gonna look at me again?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. This has nothing to do with you. I just found out this morning that my mother is in the hospital and I am a little worried. I called my father, but he said not to worry. My mom just got dizzy and she's feeling better."

"But you still worry."

"Mm. My mother got cancer two years ago and barely survived. So, naturally, there's a lot of fear that the cancer is back."

"I see." I say and I take Zhan in my arms. This silence all day long and I thought it was because of me. But instead, he's very worried about his mother. I can understand his worry, I would feel the same if my mother had survived cancer and suddenly she was not well.

"Next time there is something bothering you, tell me right away. Okay, ZhanZhan?"

"Yeah, okay, I will."

"Promise me."

"I promise."

"I thought you were like this about last night."

"Ah no. Sorry, I haven't had a chance to think about it."

"It's OK, I understand. Take your time."

"Thanks, Yibo."

I lift Zhan's chin and give him a kiss, "How about we don't rehearse tonight and just go see a movie?"

"Sounds good." Replies Zhan and smiles for the first time that day.

After dinner we chose a movie at Netflix and made ourselves comfortable under a blanket on the sofa in front of the TV. Zhan had put some snacks on the table before and got a call from his father shortly after.

Apparently Zhan's mother is fine, she just had a weakness attack because she overdid it a bit and underestimated her physical strength.

I spread my legs and pulled Zhan towards me so that he was sitting between my legs. After that he cuddled up against me automatically. And while he was lying on top of me like this and we were watching the movie, I stroked his back. It was just nice to spend the evening with Zhan like that.

We chose a second film, but we didn't notice much of it because we preferred to kiss instead. And I have to admit that every time it becomes more and more difficult to keep the control over my lust.

I don't think I've ever wanted anything as much as I want him. Yeah, winning maybe. But I don't think that even that's enough to satisfy the desire to get physically close to Zhan.

Again and again my hand slid under his sweater and stroked his soft skin. I think before I go to sleep tonight, I will need a very cold and very long shower!

The worst thing is, I can't hide my lust and Zhan must have noticed. But he said nothing and did not turn away from me. I don't know how to interpret that, but maybe he and I can have a relationship after all.

One with everything that belongs to it. But I don't intend to ask him about it again so soon. I want to give myself time this time to convince him how serious I am about him. Maybe he'll believe me and give us a chance.