Competition in your heart! [YiZhan/ZhanYi FF]✔️

-34- Cohesion

-34- Cohesion

A/N: Fully eaten and tired at 10:13 pm, so do not expect too much. 😅😉

It is Saturday and next Friday is the big show finale. And as I have wished for, Uniq and XNINE will compete against each other in the final. I'm happy about this, because XNINE have truly become a real rival. So it will be even more fun when the opponent is strong.

Zhan and I talked on Monday night. We haven't found a real solution yet. But we are sure we want to stay together and stick together. We want to do our best to keep our relationship working.

For now, we will write to each other when we have time to talk on the phone and use every available opportunity to talk on the phone. We will also try to see each other at least once a month. Either I fly to Zhan or he comes to me.

Yes, this is not a permanent solution and I don't want to have a long-distance relationship with Zhan forever. But before I can plan anything else, I need to talk to my agency about something.

I tried to talk to my manager about it, but he just had this stupid line: "If you had kept your hands off each other, you wouldn't have to look for solutions now and you would have a clear head for the competition."

This is total bullshit. Because even if Zhan and I hadn't started anything together, I would have been thinking about him all the time and I would be constantly wondering what it would be like to be with him. I might be even more distracted.

After the rehearsals and all the training, Zhan and I always spent the last evenings together. We always went out alone, dinner, movies, walks, swimming. It didn't matter what we did, the main thing was that we were together.

On Friday night after the show, the production managers told us that they wanted to finance a party for us to celebrate our entry into the finals. And here we are. In a huge hall, with loud music, barbecue and alcohol.

But Zhan and I went a little bit apart from the rest. I would have much rather been alone with him. Because we only have this one week left before we have to say goodbye to each other.

I wish Zhan and I had not given away the coupon for the weekend in the mountains. We won it as a duo, but because we didn't plan to go back to the mountains again, we gave the coupon away to a couple who, like Zhan and me, met during the competition.

I would have loved to grab my Zhan now and be alone with him somewhere in the mountains. A weekend just him and me. Because who knows when we can see each other next time.

It makes me very sad when I think about our farewell and even if Zhan and I have found at least a temporary solution, it is not a good solution. Because I will still miss Zhan like crazy.

The funny thing is that I already miss him and at the same time I am holding him in my arms right now. We celebrated a little with the others, but because I wanted to be alone with him, I lifted Zhan on my shoulder and disappeared with him into a quiet corner.

I think this is probably the way it is and probably part of it when you love someone, from whom you have to say goodbye soon.

Oh yes, yesterday after the show Wang Han approached me and asked me how I planned my further career. I told him that I hadn't planned anything else but to make music with my group.

Then he laughed and shook his head. "I see. So this is your only dream? To make music with a music group for as long as possible and then?"

At first I didn't understand the question, but then I remembered what Seungyoun told me about the career length of boy bands. That every year, new groups come out and replace the old ones.

"Well, I might try a solo career if the group really has an expiration date."

"So what's going to happen with you and Xiao Zhan? Will you start a possible solo career in South Korea or come back to China where your family is, where your boyfriend is?"

That was a good question. I used to think that I'd make a breakthrough in Korea and come back here again only to visit, if at all. But since I've been here, aside from Zhan, I feel so good. I only realized now how much I missed the country and the language. The possibility to see my family anytime. And now with Zhan, would there be another reason to come back home.

But is it really so easy? Would I really be able to start a career here?

"Can I ask you something?" I wanted to know from Wang Han.

"Of course."

"How did you know about Zhan and me?"

"Well, I have eyes in my head. I saw how shocked you were when you saw Xiao Zhan and that you couldn't take your eyes off him from then on."

"I see. So it was very obvious?"

"Yes. I mean, I'm sure your fans noticed it too. They probably just didn't know who you were staring at so hard. I'm sure they figured it out when you shared a video of Xiao Zhan."

"Mm. I did this in the hopes that my fans would understand and choose him and me as a duo."

" Which they did. And because you took this risk that the wrong people would realize what you really wanted to do with your post, I wonder how much you're willing to do to stay with Xiao Zhan?"

"I can't put it into words. But I would do almost anything. Every free minute I have, I think about how Zhan and I can stay together. He and I looked for solutions, but so far we've come up with nothing."

"Well, you two should definitely stick together. Discuss everything with each other and try to think further than your own career. Just think about what you really want. Ask yourself what your future should look like and above all where you want to live. The best thing is to start thinking about where you feel at home."

"I will, thank you."

Wang Han tapped me lightly on the shoulder and told me that in my situation the most important thing is to know what you want. And when you know that, you should start to figure out how to achieve it bit by bit.

But I no longer have to ask myself where I feel at home. I mean Korea has been my home for the past few years. I lived there, trained there, made it to the top with my group and I felt very much at home there.

But my homeland, my home, is here in China. I told you, it was only when I came back here that I felt how much I missed being here. And I have never felt as comfortable in Korea, as I have in the past weeks here.

Maybe I should really think about coming back here. But it won't be that easy. Because I signed a contract and I can't get out of it that easily.

At least not without paying a huge contract penalty. And then no other agency would take me on so quickly. I can't just get thrown out, either. Because then other agencies wouldn't want to deal with me either.

Because who would sign a contract with someone who didn't keep his previous contract or was kicked out by the agency?

But for today, I want to put my mind at rest and focus on the here and now. Because in the here and now I have my boyfriend in my arms and we are alone and apart from the others at the moment.

So I shouldn't waste my time with too many thoughts or negative thoughts and kiss my Zhan. And who knows, maybe he and I can also go a little further, unseen.