Competition in your heart! [YiZhan/ZhanYi FF]✔️

-40- The decision/ final chapter

-40- The decision/ final chapter

What can I say? I returned to Seoul the same day and pretended that nothing had happened. I pretended to Seungyoun and the others not to not have seen Zhan and not to know anything.

I neither called nor wrote Zhan. I needed time, much time to think and make a decision.

And even after another three months, I had no answer. I completely broke off all contact with Zhan. I just couldn't look him in the eyes anymore. I didn't want to have to admit to him that I was to blame for all his grief.

After these three months I returned to Beijing. I got my own apartment, visited my parents from time to time but as soon as they approached me about Zhan, I immediately blocked.

I know it was wrong towards Zhan, because apart from keeping the truth from me, he had done nothing wrong. He wasn't guilty. And yet I punished him too.

He had tried to call me many times back then, he wrote me. But at some point I just blocked his number. I couldn't handle it. It was all too much for me.

And now Zhan's birthday is tomorrow. He's turning 20, and I have a big decision to make. Will I marry my best friend from before, the man I've loved for over three years now? Or do I let the day pass and live the rest of my life knowing that he, the man I actually really wanted to marry, could have been my husband and I was just too chicken to take that chance?

***

On the morning of Zhan's 20th birthday

I've been up all night. I was thinking back and forth about what to do. And now I'm standing here, in front of this hall where a wedding is to take place. Mine and Zhan's wedding.

Nine months have passed since I last saw Zhan. And I have made a decision. I will marry Zhan, but only if he wants me too. I want to ask him again. But first, ask for his forgiveness. And I hope he can forgive me.

I open the door of the hall and I see Zhan standing at the altar. Thin and weak he looks. Sad and tired. I walk towards the altar and Zhan looks at me with big eyes. He asks me what I am doing there and I ask him to listen to me for a moment.

I take Zhan by the hand and lead him out of the hall. I told him the whole story that my mother told me. I explain to him why I have withdrawn. That I never wanted to leave him, but was afraid to look him in the eye again when he learned that I was to blame for all his anger and stress.

When I finish my explanation, Zhan looks at me angrily and says, "I remember that. I remember it because I went for help. Because I wanted to know what had happened. Who I was engaged to and why. And when I found out, I tried again and again to call you and write to you and tell you everything. But you never answered.

I'm not here today because I want to marry you. I'm here because my family forced me. Because after you gave me up, I knew you didn't want me. So I finished with you, Yibo. You say you love me, you want to marry me. But I can't forgive you. I'm sorry, Yibo. But I can't."

Zhan shook his head and walked past me. I grabbed his wrist and asked him to stay. But he pulled away and left the town hall.

"You should run after him, little brother. Don't let him go." My big brother said to me and I ran. I ran out of the town hall and I looked around in all directions. Until I spotted Zhan. He was sitting on a bench near the entrance and crying.

I ran to him and put my arms around him. "ZhanZhan, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to hurt you. I never meant to hurt you. I love you, and I was just afraid of how you'd react when you found out the truth."