Meet Me in Amsterdam

Chapter 22: Xyl

Minutes, hours, and days passed by quickly that I forgot about the person who can help me remember things before the chaos. Is Nathaniel too busy to easily forget about me? I mean I know it could meant nothing for him but wasn't he aware of how I needed this for clarity?

He knew I wasn't acting because I really had no idea about the photo and everything about us — whatever we were in the past. It's hard to move forward in this life when pieces of me are left behind. No traces, just ashes. I mean yes, I am happy with what I have right now and the things I am capable of as well as for my family's love and effort but it's difficult.

I am a person longing for herself just like the others. I believe I can't love the people in my life if I can't love myself fully. I just need to know some things to motivate me in living this life that God has given me despite the three-year-coma and I am grateful for the second chance to live. I just want an assurance that what happened to me was just an accident and that it wasn't because of karma. That I was a nice person and that I didn't deserve to be in that situation. Please.

I let out a heavy sigh before getting my phone. Thoughts were killing me and I needed to do something for the peace of my soul. I am certain of what I am going to do and this time, I hope he's available.

"Let's meet, today. 6pm sharp. Vertis. I'll send you where exactly once I get there. It'll be quick. Please, no excuses this time." I sent Nathaniel with all the courage I have because this is for myself and for my future.

After sending the text message, I got off my bed to eat my late lunch. Then I decided to take a shower and get ready because crossed fingers, I really hope to meet him today.

I was wearing my culottes when I heard my phone got a notification so I hurried to get it. It's a message from Nathaniel saying, "On the way, Xyleena."

My heart jumped and I was startled. The day has finally came. You're gonna find out about yourself Xyleena Anderson. I hope you find the serenity you've been waiting for almost a year.

I couldn't think of a private place to talk about sensitive topic so I just opted with a karaoke place and got a room for two. I hope he doesn't get the wrong idea.

"Good evening, Xyl. Nice to meet you again. Sorry for not giving a heads up. I had too much workload and went on a business meeting abroad." Nathaniel said right after he came inside the karaoke room.

"It's fine. Sorry I had to choose this place because I couldn't think of anywhere to talk about things that means a lot to me. I hope you don't get awkward." I said and when I realized that the light was too dim for a lady and a man in a tiny room together, I stood up to look for the switch.

"No worries. I understand." He said with a cold tone. Is he alright? When we met in Amsterdam he wasn't like this. He talked to me with an excited aura and a jolly attitude as far as I can remember.

"Did I interrupt you from your work or anything?" I asked politely before bombarding him with questions.

"No, Xyl. It's the right time because I had no schedule for today since I just got back from Bali yesterday."

"Oh okay. Then that's a relief for me. I want this to be quick and simple. I was in a coma for three years and I had an amnesia. All I remember is my family and I had no relatives or friends to ask about these since we moved out of our old house which I also don't know where. I understand my family if they're doing this to protect me but I can't live my life like this. I want to know about myself badly."

He listened without looking at me. It feels like he's avoiding me. But I didn't want to be sensitive to that matter since my concern here is about my past.

"If you're worrying if what happened to you was something you deserved, trust me you didn't deserve it. All of us loved you for everything you did. You always try your best to put your feet in our shoes just to assess the perfect advice for us. You're the kind of person to help without asking anything in return because what you wished was for all of us to achieve growth and development. To live without grudge and to learn accepting the consequences of our choices in this life."

Hearing it gave me a heartache in a way that was satisfying. I didn't even notice that tears were falling from my eyes already.

"Nathaniel, do you know who Nate is? I kept on having the wedding day dream since I recovered from coma. All I could see in the dreams was his name as Nate, his blurred eyes and lips, and the ring I was about to put onto him. I don't even know whether it's just a dream or if I was really the bride."

I asked him without thinking twice. It bothers me not knowing about who Nate is. I always feel guilty whenever I wake up experiencing that dream as if I left Nate behind and hurt his feelings for being in a coma.

Nathaniel was silent. He's still not looking at me and while I was waiting for his response, I wiped away the tears on my face.

"Sorry, Xyleena. We were best friends before but I needed to work abroad so I left you here and I didn't know about Nate. You didn't mention him to me before our communication was cut. I'll try to find him for you. I'm sorry for being such a bad friend. I am of no help to you."

I continued to ask him and I appreciate his effort for answering almost everything. I am still sobbing maybe because of the information I'm digesting when something unexpected happened. It was too sudden that I dropped my handkerchief because Nathaniel kissed me. He kissed me on the lips.