The Darkness In Us

Triangle

-Bela-

"Where have you two been?" Cayde demands when we walk in. Uldren opens his mouth to say something but I stop him.

"My place. Uldren crashed there last night. He was too drunk to go elsewhere." I say. Cayde watches me and I can see he's hurt, that he knows what really happened but he nods curtly. I feel torn.

I'm sorry Cayde.

"Right. Well we found Bela. She's on board with helping us find Johannan." he continues. Mara nods, pacing around the room.

"I expect yours and Uldren's full cooperation on this. Find the Guardian who's been killing my people, Bela. Or else we will wage war against you and your people." she says and I incline my head to her.

"An alliance is better for both parties, Your Grace. And although I've been slaughtering many things across the system, I wouldn't kill the Awoken." I say, looking at her. She nods, satisfied with my answer and then she takes Petra and Jolyon with her to head back to the Dreaming City.

"Bela can I talk to you for a moment?" Cayde asks I nod, walking to a different room with him. I can feel my heart beating fast and I've got an idea of what he's going to say.

No...I know exactly what he's going to say...

Cayde sighs, putting his hands on the table in front of him. He looks very stressed out which is highly unusual for the jokester.

"Did you sleep with him?" he asks. I look at him, feeling guilty but yet angry.

Yes I did and I felt alive for the first time in over a month.

"He has a name you know." I say quietly. Cayde looks at me, nodding slowly.

"So that's a yes, you did. Damnit Bela. What am I to you? I need to know now because I'm exhausted. I'm tired of chasing after you, of trying to convince you to be with me." he says. I look down, his words cut me like knives.

I've been wondering when you were gonna give up on me. The day has come. I knew it. No one ever stays...

"Cayde...I never asked you to chase after me. That's on you." I say, looking up to see Cayde is looking at me, angry.

"Yeah I know you didn't ask me to. But that's what you do when you love someone. You look after them. You check in on them. You do your best to make them see why they should be with you. And seriously? That peacock?" he asks.

I'm sorry I'm like this. I'm sorry that I lose myself in alcohol, drugs, and sex. I just want to feel numb for awhile.

"His name...is Uldren Sov. And he's...different. You wouldn't understand." I say, looking away. I'm not lying. With Uldren, it really is different. He looks at me, shaking his head.

"Fine. You want to mess around with him, that's fine. But you and I...whatever we've got, whatever the hell this is, because I can't figure it out..." I look at him, not quite wanting to believe what he's saying.

Please don't leave me.
Don't abandon me.
Cayde I care I just can't show it the way you do...please.

"It's finished. Finito. Clearly I'm not important enough in your life." he says. I keep my head down, my eyes stinging as tears form.

Cayde...I will always...

"That's not true. You're very important to me Cayde. You are important. I just-" he doesn't let me finish talking.

..love you. Always.

"Please...you have a funny way of showing you care. You're a mess." he says. I feel my heart constrict painfully.