The Darkness In Us

Reason

****
Bela's POV

I have to get away quickly. After the corsairs escort me out, I practically run to my ship. There's too many emotions I've been bottling up. It feels like I'm falling apart and I'm tired, so tired. Truth be told, I was never okay. I was never the same after the first round of experiments, or losing the baby that had given me some ray of hope. I wasn't okay after Blaze went missing, after Cayde got too close, after I got too close, after cheating on him, after having sex with random strangers, after the drinking and drugging myself for days on end...

I'm not okay. I feel sick to my stomach of everything. I'm sick of existing. I never wanted this. I never wanted to be reawakened, to live without memories and be immortal for a machine and it's war against the dark. I never asked for any of this. I'm not some fucking hero who wants to risk it all and save the solar system. The solar system is fucked. After each and every threat, something else comes, challenging our power. I don't want this. I want out.

I go to the Last City at nightfall and make it to my home, my suite above The Peccatum. I take my armor off and throw it, not really caring about the mess I'm making. I change into a black tank top and some short shorts. I walk to my balcony and take out a cigarette, lighting it and inhaling deeply. The ding of my private elevator goes off and I sigh, exhaling the smoke slowly as the doors open.

"I haven't seen you home in awhile. Rumor is you left the Tower with the rest of your things."

"Jason. Thank you for calling ahead." I say, turning to face him. I take in his raven hair, emerald eyes, and honey colored skin and sigh.

"I'd forgotten what you look like."

"Well, luckily for you, I still have my good looks. In case you ever wanted to pay closer attention, that is."

"I don't."

"One can only hope, my dear Huntress."

"What do you want?"

"Well, I'd like to talk to my fellow -"

"Let me rephrase that. What are you doing here? You never come unless there's money or if you want info. So which is it?"

"What? I can't come here just to say hello? You're as cold as ever. I would think that being married would change that. Not being treated like royalty, I see." he says. I glare at him and he smiles at me apologetically.

"You may be wondering how I-"

I smile as a knife appears at his throat and I cross my arms. He looks at me, eyebrows raised.

"I see your telekinesis and telepathy are in way better working order. Does anyone else know how much-"

"No. Why are you spying on me, Jason?"

"What? I'm not. You were dating Uldren and you said it yourself that one night that it was serious. I saw the rings on your finger. That stone is very expensive and the Dreaming City has many unknown resources. We haven't found black opal in awhile."

"Are you lying to me?" I ask.

"Why don't you see for yourself?" he asks. I raise an eyebrow and then enter his mind, searching. I find the information I need and I withdraw, nodding as the knife flies to my hand and I grab it, sheathing it.

"I just needed to be sure. I had this feeling that someone was following us..." I say. Jason nods, rubbing his temples.

"Every time you do that when you're mad, it gives me a headache."

"Sorry." I say. I turn back to look out at the city and Jason joins me, lighting a cigarette himself.

"That's a nice suit by the way." I say. He scoffs, shaking his head and letting the smoke out.