The Darkness In Us

Closer

After I get home, Cayde arrives and there's an awkward silence between us. I'm leaned on the glass doors to my rooftop and he's leaning against the wall by the elevator.

"I'm sorry about...everything. What I've done to you. What I've said to you. I wasn't a good friend." he says quietly. "Or a good partner at that." he adds.

"It doesn't matter." I say. He scoffs.

"Bela you can't keep doing this."

"Doing what?"

"Acting like nothing matters! Like you've got nothing to lose...stop doing that."

"I'm not acting like that."

"Now you're just lying." he says. We look at each other before we both crack up. We laugh and once it stops, I sigh. I caught a glimpse of my favorite Exo. Of my best friend before I got together with him. Of when I started giving him small pieces of me, glimpses of what I could be like if I opened up.

It's nice being around you like this.

"There's the Cayde I know." I say. He smiles walks over to me, offering his hand.

"Yeah.. I've missed him too. Fun guy, really." he says. I smile, taking his hand.

"Yeah...I've missed that scrap heap too." I say. We let go and we just look at each other. His eyes are brighter than I've seen. Kind, sincere, warm.

"You'll always be my Queen of Hearts. I still love you." he says shrugging.

"I know. I love you too. We just..."

"Can't be together. I know." he says. "I also know you love him...that peacock." he says. I nod.

"I question it too, Cayde." I say. "Although honestly...it looks like I won't be able to be with him either.." I say, trailing off. He puts his hands on my shoulder.

"Don't. Don't blame yourself. It's not you. I'm...too distant. Always gone on missions or in boring meetings. Hardly paid attention to you when...I should've been home more often. Paid more attention to you. Accompanied you on missions. I should've been there for Ace. He and you should've been my top priorities." he says. His words cut me open. They reopen the wounds of that day. I can feel the pain come rushing back. Him in chains, then on the surface, under control of the Hive.

I miss you Ace...

I watch Cayde fidget with Ace. I put a hand on his cheek.

"Stop blaming yourself." I say. "Ace...was old enough, smart enough, and experienced enough to know what he was getting himself into." I say. He nods, putting a hand over mine. "Besides...he fought off the control." Cayde nods, smiling.

"That's my boy." he says, his voice cracking. I know that if he could, he'd cry. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him tightly. He hugs me as if this is the last time I'll see him. Like he never wants to let go. I can feel him shudder from the grief. I can feel his pain, his feeling of uselessness, his anger...I can see all those images running in his mind.

This...is what we needed to do when Ace died. To grieve together. To talk things out. I was selfish when I ran off. I didn't once consider how he felt.

I'm so sorry Cayde. This is my fault too.

****
Uldren's POV

I got my ship to Bela's place and I landed on the pad perfectly. I jump out and quickly make my way Don to the rooftop patio she's got just below and as I look to the double doors, I see them.

Her and Cayde hugging. I stop dead in my tracks. Of course they would make up as soon as I was out of the picture. I get closer. They don't even realize I'm just outside the doors and then Bela speaks up.

"I should've been here to grieve with you. We should've talked about it...but I ran off and I never once considered how you felt after Ace..." she falls silent and it pains me because I remember the look on her face. I saw her heart torn out of her the day Blaze died.

I forget how strong you are. I forget everything you've gone through. The way you smile...you'd never think anything had gone wrong in your life.

They keep talking about it and I...I walk away. I go to my ship and I wait for awhile. After sometime, I see her walk out to the roof and she lights a cigarette. I jump off my ship and down to the roof and she still doesn't seem to notice me.

"You really shouldn't smoke." I say. She turns around quickly and an instant, there's a knife at my throat.

Classic Bela Nyx.

"What are you doing here?" she hisses, pressing the edge closer to my skin.

"I want to talk."

"I don't. Now go away."

"So what you're just gonna run away the way you always do?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"That you always run away from your problems. That doesn't fix things. You know that." I say. She narrows her eyes but she stays quiet. She looks like she wants to cry.

"I know I fucked up...big time. And I'm sorry. You've got to know that I am. That I truly am..and I know that you and Cayde were talking just a little while ago. He's...a good man. He could treat you better...like a queen." I say. I notice she put her knife away at some point. She's staring at me but I can't tell what she's thinking.

"I know it's selfish of me to ask you this...especially after what I told you. But..." I can feel myself choke on the words I'm trying to get out. "Don't leave me..." I whisper. She stares at me, seemingly in shock. I can see her mind racing, the varying thoughts forming rapidly.

"Please...don't leave me." I say again.