i think i love you • matthew healy

7. rain

a/n: bit of a trigger warning :( also a filler chapter i guess? but i felt sad writing this chapter sorry x

-

it had began to rain when i took the tube back to alice's at noon.

there was quite a lot of people on the train than i'd expected, and my top got wet from the van that rushed past the motorway while i was walking towards my flat.

i still feel like i'm floating home on a cloud.

i'm pretty sure i'm smiling like an idiot, but i have my earphones on just in case people passing by would think it's because i'm listening to music. i don't really care what they think, frankly. for the first time in a year i finally feel okay again.

a bit confused, but when is life ever not confusing honestly?

our building is eight storeys high, and alice's flat is on the sixth. usually i take the lift but this time i feel so much energy that i go up the stairs this time around.

i fish for the keys in my coat pocket and pause at the sound of glass shattering on the floor.

"alice?" i call out once i get in, kicking my wet boots off my feet before rushing to the kitchen.

"oh fuck you and your lies, oliver, i know what i fucking saw—"

"alice you're being fucking mental." ollie looks confused, but more relaxed than alice. alice is just crying.

our plates are shattered on the kitchen floor.

"i saw the way you were fucking looking at her, oliver, do you think i'm blind?" she yells, pointing at him. "are you fucking in love with her?"

oh fuck no.

"alice, i'm not in love with her-"

"what am i then? what am i to you ollie? fucking answer me--" alice shoves ollie by the door, and he winces, yelling in pain as he points to his foot suddenly bleeding, pieces of shattered glass poking out from his skin.

"oh my god." i yell out as i rush to ollie as he drops to the floor, clutching his bleeding foot. "alice, calm down, he's fucking injured--"

"and you're on his side then?" alice looks at me incredulously. "cheaters do have each other's backs don't they?"

i look at her. "what?"

"i know you fucked matty when you went to see them last night, i'm not going to lie to you." she says through gritted teeth. "and you know full well he's got a girlfriend."

i feel my cheeks turn hot. so much for a perfect night.

"you don't have to be dragging her into this, alice, rhiannon has nothing to do with this." i hear ollie say.

i wince when i hear another shattering sound. alice has thrown another plate on the floor.

"fuck off the both of you." she mutters before storming off.

i look at ollie, expecting him to look intensely bothered by the way his girlfriend caused such a mess. but i'm surprised when he smiles sadly at me instead. "she's... her moods, i mean... they're a bit off today." he says softly.

"your foot is bleeding." i state dumbly. "she pushed you on the wall."

he sighs deeply. "yeah. i'm quite sure you know her to be like this, rhian, you're her best friend."

i know alice has her own issues. i've never known her to commit to any relationship, honestly, maybe that's why it came as a shock to me that she had ollie move in a few weeks when they started dating. ollie's calm; a complete contrast. i thought she could be good for him.

i furrow my eyebrows together. i can't stop looking at the way the blood drops are falling on the kitchen tiles. "you're okay with this?" i whisper.

"she's done worse." ollie says casually, shrugging. "would you hand me a tissue, rhian?"

i thought she could be good for him.

"sure." i say, bringing him the roll sitting on the cupboard.

while ollie quietly cleans his swelling foot, i start carefully picking up the glass shards off the floor all caused by alice's unnecessary outburst.

i want to tell ollie to just leave, to save himself from the damage he will bring onto himself.

but i don't know anything, so i just keep quiet until i hear him leave the room.

"i'll make sure she's alright." i hear him say before leaving me to clean up the mess in the kitchen.

i wish to understand a lot of things, but right now i want to understand how someone can hurt a person they care about and call it love.

-

it's still raining outside even as i open my eyes. my curtains are closed shut but i can see it's still dark out, so i take out my phone to check the time. 4:45 am.

shit. i got class in a few hours.

and my throat's feeling pretty dry, so i walk out my room to get myself a glass of water.

alice's door is opened slightly as i pass by. i take a glance and see her laying on ollie's chest, sobbing quietly. he's running his fingers through her jet black hair, and i hear him whispering.

"nothing's wrong with you. it's all going to be okay."

"i feel like i'm going mad, i'm sorry." alice says quietly. "i'm really sorry."

i feel awful hearing the conversation, so i walk towards the kitchen, turning the light on quietly.

after downing a glass of water, i hesitate about coming back to my room, so i find myself sitting instead on the kitchen counter with a half-empty bottle of wine, drinking quietly until i see the sun finally come up from the tiny window in the kitchen.