In Too Deep

48

Work Song by Hozier

I've quite literally been in bed for the entire day.

Jack never came back to the funhouse since he left. I'm sure he's okay. I'd know if things went south. So why am I so bothered that I haven't heard from him in over 18 hours?

I toss over and hold his pillow close to me as I close my eyes.

I should've left.

I can't tell you why I stayed.

Actually yes I can.

Because i'm a fucking idiot that's why!

I just keep putting myself in these stupid ass situations hoping that it gets better and you know what? It doesn't. And it never will. Why? Because i'm in fucking love with a psychopath! There! I said it.

I should've let this-this-this anger inside of me go. Killing him won't satisfy my vengeance. It won't bring her back. Nothing will.

My chest tightens as I think of her. It's been a while since I last thought of her. Really, thought of her. Usually it's just this fleeting memory. A flashback at the woman that raised me. One that I quickly push away far into my mind to lock away and never look back on. I hate this feeling.

I can feel myself tearing up behind closed eyelids.

Is that even possible?

Where would I even go is the question. If I did chose to leave Jack, where could I go?

A motel? With what fucking money? I live off this man.

That's another thing. I live off him. I have nothing going for me. No separate income that is just mine. I'm like a leech. It's disgusting. I've never wanted to live off someone, let alone someone as vile as him. To be dependant of a sociopath is teetering on the brink of insanity.

I'm going insane.

It's not like i didn't suspect it coming. I knew it would eventually. I just didn't think it'd be so soon.

My phone rings and I let it vibrate on the nightstand for a few moments before tossing over and reaching for it.

I see that it's Johnny calling and answer.

"Hello?" I say and put him on speaker.

"Did you just wake up?" he asks.

"What's it to you?"

"Heard about the fight you guys had yesterday" he says.

"And?" I ask.

"Figured you'd be long gone by now" he admits.

"Oh I still have time to make a run for it. No idea when he comes back. He hasn't been home since last night when he got pulled away" I tell him and he chuckles.

"We had a mission this morning. He's on his way home, Id give it half an hour" he tells me.

"Why are you telling me this?" I ask.

"You're a good person Quinn" he says cryptically before hanging up a few seconds later.

You're a good person Quinn

A good person who makes stupid decisions.

I grab my phone and throw it behind me hoping it lands on the nightstand. It doesn't.

I sigh and bury my head under the sheets. I open my eyes to see the bandage on my stomach. I changed the padding yesterday after he left to make sure none of the stitches came undone during my little altercation with the fake Black Mask.

The pain is still there although minimized to  a dull throbbing sensation.

I toss over again in my spot and sit up. I grab the pill bottle and bring it with me to the washroom. I open up the tap water and grab a bit of water in my hand along with the pills from the bottle.

After washing my teeth I head back to the bed and snuggle into the sheets.

Jack is right about one thing. I am weak; when it comes to him.

I wish I could just leave and not think twice. Just leave and start my life again. Leave and never think of him again. As if any memory that we've ever shared was a dream—no, a nightmare. Because it has been a nightmare. A never ending one. One that constantly ends up with me feeling absolutely shit about myself.

I don't want to keep feeling like this.

I don't even notice when he gets home till I feel someone looking at me. I sit up to see him staring at me. He's covered in splashes of blood.

I kick off the covers and run towards him. I jump into his arms and he catches me. I hold his face in my hands, breathing heavily against his mouth.

His hands hold my body close. His finger tips dig into my waist and my legs tighten around his waist. My hair covers his face.

"I don't want to leave" I shake my head as I tell him.

"Then don't. Stay" he tells me and I nod. I crash my lips against his and he kisses back with the same amount of urgency.

He walks us and we fall onto the bed together. One hand gets tangled in my hair while his other holds my thigh to his waist. I hold his body close to me with my legs around his hips.

He pulls away for a moment to get his shirt off. I grab his hair with one hand while the other moves down his back, scratching against his spine.

"J" I moan against his mouth and his lips separate from mine. He kisses down my throat and he nips at my collarbones. My back arches off the bed as he grinds down into me.

"Stay with me. And we'll make this city ours" he says and kisses me again.

"It's you and me J" I tell him and he kisses down my body. He keeps his eyes on me the entire time. My breathing is shallow as the adrenaline runs through me.

He grabs onto my underwear and pulls it down my legs.

"Always" he mumbles and his mouth devours me. I grab onto his hair and hold him close to me. His hands are grabbing the back of my thighs to keep me from closing around his head.

I moan and clutch the sheets behind me. I look into his lust filled eyes.

"And forever"