(Magnus Haven #2) Bad Life, Bad Love (COMPLETED)

Chapter 22

Bata pa lang ako, aware na ako na hindi maganda ang buhay ko. I wished for a good life ever since, but God gave us a bad life to lived on.

We're not a perfect family, mommy and daddy used to fight a lot when I was a kid. Naaalala ko pa rin lahat ng iyon, bata pa lang ang isipan ko, may muwang na ako kung paano sila mag-away.

Yes, it may be a bad life, but it makes them to be stronger for me. Matagal na ang isang taon na hindi sila nag-away, and I know it's for me.

Nakita nila akong umiiyak sa isang tabi noon, umiiyak dahil ayoko silang naririnig na nagtataasan ng boses. Masakit sa tenga. Masakit sa puso. Masakit isipin.

And somehow, it helps for them to not fight. Ngunit hindi naman ako tanga para hindi mapansin na nag-aaway pa rin sila… kapag wala ako o kaya tahimik lang sila para hindi ako marinig.

That's okay for me, for eighteen years with them, I know how it feels to have a family. Until that accident happened.

There's no amount of pain that I can explain when I heard that news from a phone call. I almost shattered my phone into pieces when they bring down the call. I almost killed myself when I heard they didn't make it to the hospital.

I am fully aware that this life is bad… but damn, hindi ko alam na sobrang sama ng mundo sa akin.

Napatanong ako sa Panginoon, ano bang nagawa ko para maaga niyang kunin ang magulang ko? Kakatapos ko lang ng school, parang kailan lang ay binabati nila ako dahil tapos na ako, then after ten minutes, they are all declared dead.

What have I done in my past life to deserve this? Masama ba ako sa dati kong buhay? Masama ba ako sa punto na kailangan kong maranasan lahat ng ito?

God sent Ian to me. Akala ko okay na. Akala ko mahal Niya ako at binigyan ng kapalit sa pagkawala ng magulang ko. Pero 50:50 lang pala.

He loved me the best way he could, but he hurt me the brutal way he could.

It's like a dream to be with him for almost two years. Minsan, okay kami, minsan masaya kami, pero kadalasan, babagsak kami sa sakitan. Babagsak kami sa sigawan.

I won't get tired to say that maybe the reason why I stayed is because I can't fathom the idea to lose someone again. I don't want to be left behind again. I don't want people to pity me. I don't want any stares from the crown.

I don't want to feel lonely again.

But as time goes by, as I met new people in my life, I learned to let him go. I learned how to let go of him in my life. Yes, it will hurt but the idea of being free from everything that makes me depressed, it's a best idea I've ever had.

Rajih is one of the best thing that ever happened to me, after waking up to that dark dream. Maybe God has a reason why He made me go outside Evan's house that night. Maybe God has a reason why He let Rajih stay outside their house that day.

Because of that, we created our first moment together. Until we can't count anymore what we have.

I want him to think that I'm only doing this because I can't lose him anymore. Siguro nga masyado talagang mabilis, kagaya ng sabi ni Roni at Juno, pero bakit ko pa patatagalin kung parehas naman ang nararamdaman naming dalawa?

I don't want to lose any chance of being with him together. I don't want to wake up in one morning, knowing that we don't talk anymore.

Ayoko na uli masaktan. Nakakasawa na. Baka puwedeng iba naman na? Lagi nalang ba ako? Ako nalang ba ang tao sa mundo? Ako lang ba ang may pakiramdam.

"You know, if you're the one driving, baka nasa langit na tayo dahil sa pagkatulala mo." I was taken a back to reality by Juno's words.

I lost in touch where we are, nasa loob kami ng kotse ni Evan, papunta sa Westbay27 dahil may papanoorin kami. And it's Midnight Cullen's gig. This was all Evan's idea.