bts sickfics [completed]

Yoongi | Anxiety

Sorry if I depict the effects of an anxiety attack wrong, I don't mean to offend anyone and I'm not doing it for extra attention or sympathy. I don't have anxiety myself but my readers may so if this triggers you be warned. 🙂

The day of an award show was usually a great day for Yoongi. But when he woke up and felt the constant crawling feeling under his skin he knew that the day was going to be a long one. Some days it just happened. An award show was no excuse for his anxiety to let up just for one day.

The day dragged on like a particularly drunk snail would, but after what felt like centuries it was finally time for the group to leave the dorm and head to the Gocheok Sky Dome. On the ride to the venue Yoongi could feel mild tremors run through his body every so often. It wasn't yet severe or noticeable to anyone but him but he knew that it wouldn't be soon enough. He sighed and kept his hands in his pockets, hoping that the shaking would stop.

The Gocheok Sky Dome was huge, and a lot of other artists were already arriving, stepping out of glossy black cars. Yoongi was not very happy with having to perform in front of these idols. He hated that his anxiety had to show on such an important day. After all, BTS were nominated for the daesang and album of the year.

"Hyung, are you okay?"

Yoongi turned around quickly, startled by the confrontation. Hoseok was leaning forward in his seat, looking directly at him. Yoongi cleared his throat awkwardly and said quietly,
"Uh, I… I'm fine," he knew he didn't sound convincing but he mainly just wanted the conversation to end quickly. He forced a false smile that Hoseok accepted without a second thought, too busy in his thoughts. Yoongi collapsed back in his seat and checked his phone. 19:03. It was gonna be a long night.

After the Idol performance, Yoongi thought that the exhaustion would slow his shaking and calm the tightness in his chest. Nope. It only seemed to get worse. He tried to look as normal as possible, but took several opportunities to drink plenty of water and try to control his irregular sounding heartbeat. He managed to get through the half an hour of performances without an issue but he realised that tonight was not going to end well. He could feel his stomach tightening along with his chest, and the tremors in his hands got so bad at one point that he had to keep them under the table.

Heechul entered the stage once more, announcing,
"Yes, the awards will be announced now. Firstly, the Best Rookie Male Group and Best Rookie Female Group. The winner of the 2019 rookie award is… Stray Kids!" 

An uproar of applause behind Yoongi made him flinch, but he still clapped along with his members, not entirely aware of who had won the award as he was paying more attention to the ringing in his ears. Heechul listed off the awards one by one, until it got to an award that BTS had been nominated for. Yoongi felt terrible about himself for wanting to not win the award, as it meant that he would have to go up on stage whilst his tremors were having a particularly bad spot, bad enough that any fool would notice it on camera.

"The popularity award goes to…"

Yoongi stopped breathing for a second as he hid his shaking hands under the table again.

"SHINee!"

Yoongi actually felt himself breathe out a sigh of relief, applauding under the table for Minho and Kibum as they stepped up to the stage without the rest of their members. Yoongi didn't know what he would do if he had to go to an award show alone while his other members were unavailable.

He kept catching himself dissociating every few minutes and he knew that he wouldn't last to the end of the night without having to excuse himself to the bathroom to calm down-

"The Album of the Year… Love Yourself: Tear, BTS!"

Yoongi stood up a little too fast, now feeling dizzy but still managing to follow the others to the stage. He kept his trembling hands behind his back, managing to look like he was just being formal, not on the brink of a breakdown of sorts. Namjoon gave a suggesting look to each of them discreetly, a clear gesture for them to give a speech instead of him. Yoongi felt himself glaring daggers at his leader before he could stop himself. Namjoon stepped away from the mic, misinterpreting Yoongi's death glare for an agreement.