His Queen (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Chapter 7: Opening Up

As your eyes fluttered open, flashes of the day's events came to you. Kylo holding you in his arms and falling asleep. Him effortlessly carrying you to your room, laying you down on the bed, and not leaving your side. You turned your head and came face to face with Kylo's helmet. Disappoint filled you because you had only seen his face once, and you could barely remember during your panicked state.

"You're awake.""Yes, um... Don't worry about what happened back there; it was no big deal," you explained, sitting up.

He leaned forward in his chair, helmet inches from your face.

"Liar," Kylo scoffed.

"What.. I'm not lying. Everything is fine. I'm fine." you pleaded with him.

"That was the worst lie I've ever heard. Why don't you tell me about what happened because you sure didn't seem fine to me."

Crossing your arms against your chest, you replied, "No, you seemed to have known what was going on."

You could tell Kylo's patience was wearing as he clenched his gloved fists.

"I only saw what you were thinking about I don't know anything else, so tell me."

This was something personal that you had never told anyone. You weren't used to talking about your past and feelings because you had been alone for so many years. It was hard to open up, especially to an almost complete stranger.

"No. I don't have to talk to you."

You could feel his eyes burning into yours as he said, "I'm your master, now tell me."

An idea came to your mind so that he would get what he wanted, and so did you.

"I'll tell you, but only if you take off your helmet," you smirked.

He sat there, contemplating your negotiation. Slowly his hands released his helmet and took it off. Black wavy locks fell from it, framing his face nicely. Kylos' brown eyes connected with yours. You couldn't stop yourself from gazing intently at his features. His lips were pink and full. His jaw was sharp. Everything about his face was perfect. He was beautiful. You had never really been attracted to anyone before, but your attraction to him was strong even more now. He was absolutely beautiful.

"It's funny; I don't even have to try to search your mind. Your thoughts come easily to me without resistance."

Realizing what he said, blood rushed to your cheeks, showing your embarrassment. You really needed to learn how to block your thoughts or something.

"How do you do that? Can you teach me?"

Kylo leaned back in the chair, folding his arms.

"Yes, I can, but I took off my helmet now it's your turn."

You leaned back against the wall next to your bed and looked at the ceiling, not wanting to see his soon to be disgusted expression. Your hands shook slightly as you took a deep breath and started opening up about the past, "My mother died. I think when I was four. I'm not sure because I can't remember her very well. Since I had nowhere to go, Unkar took me in and made me work. He started beating me when I was about seven. He had caught me stealing portions and whipped me. That was his favorite weapon, but chains made a few appearances. He liked to see me cry. So when I decided that I would never cry in front of him again, the beatings stopped. I never knew why he beat me the worst out of everyone. Sometimes it would be for no reason, just because he wanted to. The last time he whipped me was two years ago. Ever since then, I've had nightmares every single night. I dreamed he beat me with a chain, so when Phasma came towards me, it brought me back. I was so weak today, letting my emotions take over. How could I let that fear control me as it did? He has made me so powerless. I despise him, and I despise myself for letting him control me even after you freed me."

You didn't look at Kylo even when you had finished. You didn't want to see disappointment or judgment on his face.

"Look at me, Y/N."

You wanted to defy him, but something in his deep voice made you submit. Slowly you turned your gaze to his eyes. They looked angry but sad, not what you had expected. His fists were clenched so hard that if he hadn't been wearing gloves, his palms would have been bleeding.

"Show me. Show me what he did to you."

Your mind wandering thinking about every beating he had given you. All the nightmares that had become a reality. Starvation and heat exhaustion that had almost killed you. No tears spilled from your eyes; you wouldn't let Unkar make you so weak, not now. You thought about a particularly bad one when you couldn't move for three days because of the pain. Abruptly, Kylo stood up, knocking the chair back. He paced back and front in your room, fury written on his expression. You curled your knees into your chest, not knowing what to do when he was clearly angry. After a couple of minutes, his expression calmed some, and his pacing stopped.

"Rest for the night, and we'll do force training tomorrow. Don't forget to eat." Then he left.

Confused, you watched his massive frame depart from your room. He had left so suddenly it made you think why. Was he disgusted by my memories and could stand to look at me? Why was he so angry? Your stomach growled, which made you forget your thoughts for a little bit while you ate. Tomorrow you would ask him. You deserved to know since you showed him your pain. Tomorrow you would get answers, but now you would try to sleep. Maybe tonight, you wouldn't have nightmares.