Broken Hearted Boy

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

        "I didn't realized that you walked to same way I walked home." I said to Raven as we started walking out of the school.

"Yeah, no one really does because I don't really talk to anyone." she shrugged her shoulders and looked at the ground. Man, there's a part of her that is like me but I won't get that close to her. Not yet.

"You okay?"

She looked up from the ground for a quick second and smiled lightly."Yes, of course silly." She nudged my arm and laughed a little. I did the lightest smile that I have ever tried to pull off. She was defaintly beatiful and to be honest I was fine with that. She makes my heart beat 1000 miles per hour and makes me head not think straight and she also makes me think that in this world I belong somewhere. I shook off the feeling and looked towards the trees to our left. They looked different today or maybe, my eye vision was going. Oh goodness, if I need glasses I"ll shoot myself.

"So what made you move here?" she asked. I looked at her puzzled. Does she not know who I am at all? If she doesn't I want it to stay that way. I don't need her thinking that I am some kind of monster when I am not.

"Um...wanted to try someplace new." I lied. I had to. I didn't trust her at all or enough to even tell her that I was adopted.

"Hm, fair enough. I know how you feel. I have lived here for awhile but I want to leave soon. Get a new start somewhere else, but I belong here. When you feel like you belong somewhere it feels.." she faded for a second, "There is no word that can descrbe how great it makes you feel. Ya know?"

"No, I honestly don't know. I haven't belonged anywhere for awhile. I'm trying to find a place to belong."

"Oh..." she got silent and looked back at the ground. I looked at her. Ugh, I am so stupid. Why would I say that? I am such a retard! Now, I made her feel bad and now I made her think that I am some kind of outcast/loser. Which I am but either way, I shouldn't of said it. I looked away from her and heard my IPod ping. She looked at me and started to laugh. I looked at her puzzled.

"What?" I asked. I was being serious. What was so funny?

"That noise was funny. What kind of alert for a phone is that?" she said while laughing, gasping for air.

"Um.. I don't know. I call it a ping." I shrugged my shoulders and ignored the ping. If it was any of those slutty girls I don't care about them at the moment and I probably won't care about them for awhile. Not with Raven courses through my mind and veins. We turned down my block corner when I realized that she can't see where I live. She probably knows the people that adopted me.

"You live down this block?" I said in a nervous way.

"No, why?" she looked at me with a puzzled look.

"Just wondering." I shrugged. I stopped and crossed the street.

"Where are you going!?" she yelled after me.

"Home!" I yelled back without turning around. If I looked at her one more time my heart might melt and I really do need the rest of my heart right now. I opened my door and closed it quickly.

"Jordan you home!?" I heard Josie yell.

"Yes!"  I yelled back.I rolled my eyes. No, I am a freaking robber like what. I walked towards the kitchen and headed towards the fridge. I am hungry. I opened the fridge and got out an apple. Josie came in and smiled at me. I lightly smiled back and headed towards the stairs. I heard her sigh in a sad way and I stopped in my tracks towards the steps. I was hurting her. I don't want to hurt her. I turned around and said "Do you want to do something together tonight together?" I asked.

She looked up and smiled very largly, "Yes, that'd be great." I nodded and headed back towards the stairs. Somehow I am always saving the day or making someone smile. It never works on me though. Never will either. I opened my bedroom door and sat down on my bed. I sighed and laid back on my back. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine Raven, which isn't hard. Her colorful blue, purple hair and her beautiful, clear, and crystal blue eyes. Her smile, that lights up your whole world and makes my stomach go in knots. I felt a warm sensation in my stomach and sat up. I can't fall for someone, I don't belong here. She does, I will not fall for someone who doesn't comprehend or understand how I feel or what I have been through. I can't fall for someone when they don't even know me or my past. I can't fall for someone like her. I can't fall for someone this beautfiul and I can't fall for someone I am scared to trust. It just doesnt' calculate right, at all. I shook my head and put my head in my hands. This is all just too much. I can't do this. I hate my life, I hate this life. I don't belong here. I don't belong in this world. I think I am an alien. It doesn't add up at all. Nothing adds up to anything in my life or world anymore. Maybe, I am just over-thinking all of this or maybe, just maybe, I am right and the world just doesn't want me to let the people know that I out-smarted the world. This is just stupid, all of this. Thinking, breathing, heart beating, stressing, crying, anger, screaming, pain, and all other things that I do. It's too much, I wish that I couldn't feel anything. Raven won't leave my mind, I am stressing over my grades, I don't belong, and I want to die. Nothing new, except the Raven part. I wish I could understand why I am falling for someone like her. I never fall for people who belong because to me they are like animals or a different species that is unknown to man. But, Raven is different. I can't explain how she is different but she just is. There is something about her that makes her different than everyone else and the people who belong here. When she's being nice she actually means it and that's a good thing. I got up and started downstairs, I know that Josie would be calling down for me any time right about now. I sat down at the table and put my head down on the table. I don't want to be here. I want to be dead or with Raven. I can't have either one of those things. Ya knwo what? Fuck life. Fuck the world. Fuck breathing. Fuck this. Fuck that. Fuck falling.