Broken Hearted Boy

Chapter 18 ~ Letter To Raven, My Love

Chapter 18 ~ Letter To Raven, My Love

        Dear Raven, My Love:

                Hello Raven, my love. Here's something you need to know. You did something that I never thought you'd do. You broke me in half. You fixed me and then broke me, all in one hit. You took this broken thing and glued it back together and once you saw what I looked like fixed you were like I don't like this. Then, you smashed me. You broke me. You just put me into a cycle. Congrats. You made it on the list. The list of mother fuckers who have hurt me. I never thought you'd go on this list. I never thought you'd hurt me this way. I thought we were meant to be. You said it yourself. You would never leave me. I would never lose you. Well, what in the world happened? Did you just change your mind? I needed you to be on my side but you stormed away. You are scared, scared of me. I would never hurt you and I won't. It's because I love you that I won't hurt you. You don't see that do you? I don't think that you'd ever understand that. You don't know what love is, do you? You really don't. I do. I know what love is and I know how it feels to have it ripped from you as well. To have your heart ripped out and broken. Yeah, you made that feeling happen to me again. It's like my parents all over again, just no anger this time. The only anger I have rigth now is with me. I screwed up didn't I? I screwed up thinking you were ready. Ready to see the real thing that you were dating. I had a feeling you wouldn't love me once you found out what you were dating and loving. That happened didn't it? Yeah, it did. Why am I writing to you? Well, that's a great question. I am leaving Raven. I don't belong here. I am going to be leaving and I won't be back. I am sorry, but I need to go but before I do I need you to know that I do love you and that I won't ever leave you all the way. I'll always be with you even if you don't want me with you, I'll be there because I know deep down you love me. I can see it. I hope you can too. Maybe, I won't leave but I am 99.9% sure that I am. I don't think I am going to be here any longer. I need to go. This isn't a want it's a NEED. Something that NEEDS to be done. I know that, that is what it is. Everything will be better without me here and you know it. So, don't cry, don't be hurt. I will always love you and you need to understand that. I am not mad at you not wanting to love me. Who would want to? My own parents didn't want to. So why would you? I think it's about time to say that you screwed me over. You know you did. That's why you stormed off. You just couldn't deal with yourself and your decision. Sucks, doesn't it? Guilt. I know how it works. You're gonna have it for awhile because you are the reason why I am leaving. You showed me that even with you loving me and making me feel belonged that I will never really belong. You defaintly have done a great job at showing me that. You showed me other things but I don't think they matter anymore. You have chipped in on this murder. You have made this happen. You broke me too much. I am missing pieces and I can't get fixed without all the pieces. You stole those pieces and I know already that I won't get them back. Maybe, this is what you need. To feel the same pain I am feeling. That's why I am doing it this way. Instead of killing you from the outside in, I am doing it from the inside out. I'll start out with killing you emotionally and then you'll do the rest for me. Just like I am doing now. Goodbye Raven. I love you.

~Sincerely with love,

                              Jordan