northstar - cashton

Chapter 1

We've been together for almost 2 years now and before that, we were best friends and neighbors. We're J+A, Justin and Ashton, the never-ending perfect couple. We got together during my freshman year, his sophomore year. It's now his senior year and my junior year and it's nothing like how it was. Yes, I know, change is inevitable but this isn't the good type of change that you welcome with open arms. This is something that I never thought I would do.

I try to keep a good reputation with our school, as they see us as the role model couple, future high school sweethearts. Justin also thinks we are perfect, we walk in the hallways with either his arm around me or hand in hand. All summer we were hanging out, posting about each other, and just being cutesy. But every time I interacted with another guy he'd get jealous and possessive, he'd tell me that I'm only his and that I should value my time with him.
He's the linebacker on the football team so everyone knows who he is. I'm not special, I'm not a nerd or an artist. I'm just average. 17 years old made of light brown hair, hazel eyes, 5 foot something and 160 pounds of nothing. I'm not part of a sports team, I don't Ace math or any class except Chem. But dating Justin, who became the starting linebacker right after we started dating, gave me popularity and safety.

But being accepted in the community gave me happiness. He gave me safety from the homophobes. And if it was just me out of the closet then I'd be bullied but because he was well known people thought he was brave for being openly gay. I guess I always resented him for that. But he's my boyfriend, so I'm supposed to let it slide. I do want to thank him for saving me from a highschool experience where all kids would do is punch me for being me.
But here's the problem, Justin and I said that we love each other many many times. We said it very early in our relationship because we knew we loved each other. The keyword there is loved. I know it, deep down, I don't love him anymore and I don't know if I ever did. I have a long term problem with short term fixes and it's not going to work but as long as he is happy, I am okay with doing this. Even if it hurts me for the rest of this year, I don't care because I know that he's not going to take me to college with him. No reasonable person would.

It's the first day of my junior year and I hear my alarm go off. I grab my phone and turn it off. I look at the time, 6:02. Ew. Why am I awake? I go through my notifications until 6:15, now I actually have to get out of bed. I get up and walk to my closet and grab a pair of black ripped jeans and a gray sweater. I walked to my bathroom with my clothes. I locked the door behind me, setting my clothes on the counter. I washed my face and brushed my teeth. I got dressed, put on deodorant and cologne. I walked out of the bathroom and back to my room to get my stuff together.

I texted my literally only friend Ellie a happy first day back message, she just sent a middle finger emoji back making me laugh. I then texted Justin good morning like I always do. This routine is already killing me.

I grabbed my bag from beside my door and slung it over my shoulder. I ran my hands through my hair and put on a fake smile to make my mom happy. I opened my door and walked downstairs. I grabbed a yogurt from the fridge and gave my mom a hug and kiss on the cheek. I slipped on my black converse, threw away my trash, and said my goodbyes.

I went to my car and just sat there in the driver's seat for a couple of minutes. Justin texted me good morning back and just thinking about Justin, I can't do it anymore. I know that I said I could live with being hurt as long as he was happy but I deserve to be happy in a healthy relationship. I could go away from those fake people and focus on myself and get good grades. I want to make my mother happy. My mom is single and I'm the only one of my siblings that stayed with her when my parents split. She's a nurse so she's never home but she trusts me. She has always taken care of me and loves me. I want to do something to make her proud.
Finally, I turned my key in the ignition and plugged my phone into the aux cable. I turned my volume up almost all the way and played Drown by Bring Me the Horizon. My mirrors were shaking from the bass while I pulled out of my driveway to pick up Ellie. She lives about 5 minutes from me and she needs me to drive her cause she is a horrible driver.

As she climbed into the passenger seat she started screaming the lyrics along with the song. It was Mr. Brightside. Our favorite song. We said our good mornings and I actually told her how I feel about Justin. She just told me to leave him if this situation caused me this much sadness and anxiety.

"I can't do it on the first day of school Ellie," I told her as I parked in my spot outside of the high school.

"You're gonna have to Ash." she sighed as she called me her favorite nickname for me.

"I don't know, I don't think I can take not having Justin." Right as I finish that sentence my phone starts buzzing, Justin is calling me.

"It's him," I say, giving her a look.

"Hey." I put it on speaker.

"Hey, where are you, we need to talk," he said in a very serious voice.

"I'm in the parking lot, meet me at my locker okay?" I wait for his reply.

"Yeah sure, see you soon." with that he hung up.

I give Ellie a look and she knows that I'm not going to chicken out of this. We both grab our bags out of the backseats and walk into the school's double doors. As always everyone stared at Ellie, she's gorgeous and always wears the best clothes that fit her perfect body. I wave goodbye to her as we part ways going to our lockers.
I wipe my hands on my jeans, Justin standing at my locker with no smile on his face.

"Hey, I need to talk to you," I said, putting my combination into my locker.

"Yeah, same. I'll go first, I think we should have a back to school party." He says as I scratch the back of my neck, nervous habit.

"Yeah, sure. Mine or yours?" I chickened out, I can't break up with him on the first day of school.

"Is your mom working Friday?" He asked knowing she had odd shifts.

"Yeah, so we can do it at mine," I told him, putting books into my locker from my bag.

"Cool, I'll spread the word. Love you babe.." he said, not waiting for my response, mini-jogging towards his football teammates.

I frowned as he walked away. I saw my vision begin to blur with tears. I knew I couldn't do it. I turned back to my locker, grabbed my binders and books, and walked to my first class. Which this year is chemistry. My least favorite subject ever yet it's my best. But maybe something will change this year.

I walked up the stairs and into Mr. Wilson's classroom. There were about 14 people already sitting in the lab stations set up in pairs. As always I sat in the back in the corner. I never worked with anyone, Mr. Wilson knew that. 2 minutes pass and the bell rings. Mr. W gets up from his desk and starts talking about the syllabus in his deep monotone voice. Right as he was ending the door opened.

3 boys walked in, one with lilac hair, next with blonde hair and bright blue eyes, and the last and most attractive in my opinion was brown almost black hair and brown puppy dog eyes. All 3 boys were extremely attractive but the last one caught my eye.
"I assume you're the 3 lads from Australia, am I correct?" he asked, handing them all the blue syllabus.

"Yes Sir." the blue-eyed one spoke up for the group.

"Well, take a seat then, these will be your seats for the rest of the school year. Also, Ashton, one of them is going to have to be partners with you, we don't have enough room for that this year, I apologize," he says looking at me from the front of the class causing everyone including the 3 guys stared at me waiting for a response.

"That's okay Mr. W, not your fault," I said, giving him a kind smile then looking at the boys welcoming them to my table, "Whoever wants an A should sit here," I stated.

"Calum, you need it more than we do." the blonde pushed the puppy-dog-eyed boy named Calum towards the back of the class.
He just sighed, walked to the back of the room, and sat on the stool next to me. The other 2 boys sat in the back next to us. I smiled at all of them and gave a small wave. They all returned it, one of them giving a peace sign. I like the dyed hair guy, he has a good vibe. Calum was quiet, never heard him say anything all class while his friends talked loudly to each other. The bell finally rang and I slowly grabbed my bag and packed my stuff, Calum on the other hand just threw his stuff in his bag and ran along with his friends who did the same. Another great day, note the sarcasm.