northstar - cashton

Chapter 11

"Why am I so weak?" I whispered to myself. I didn't bother cleaning myself up, I wanted Calum to see me like this, I wanted him to know that I was in pain. Maybe he'd react.
I walked back into class and everyone was working on the packet he assigned us. Including Calum who didn't look up from his packet when I sat down. Of course Luke and Michael were talking to each other and weren't paying attention to me so I just pulled out my own packet and started working on it. But I wasn't going to cry again, I was going to listen to ALT and MCR and act petty towards the world.

The bell rang and I was ready for it, I sprinted from my seat and went to my next class not looking back.

All of my classes leading up to lunch were the same; packet, music, think about how mad I am at Calum, next class.

Then came art which I had with Michael, surprisingly he didn't bother me. We just smiled at each other and shared headphones like everyday before now.

I got most of my sketch done, I was portraying the word; Silence. Maybe it was just a reflection of Calum or it's how I felt with Justin. It was easy for me to show silence. I drew a girl with her eyes closed and her mouth sewn shut. Michael was still brainstorming, I guess he was right that he wasn't good at art classes.

The bell finally rang and he gave me my earbud back and we packed up our stuff and started walking to lunch.

"Are you okay mate? Did someone say something?" Michael asked me sincerely.

I looked him in the eyes, "No one said anything, that's the problem. No one ever says anything."

"You want more people like Ellie calling you a whore even though you're not?" he spoke quickly, looking at me like I'd lost my mind.
"I'd rather know what they're thinking than sit in silence, listening to my own mind talking shit about myself." I choked out, stopping in the hallway.

    He stopped with me, "Ash, none of this is your fault, we all know the truth. Also, I was talking to some kids in my other classes, they think you're brave for breaking up with that asshole. The normal kids idolize you for this. It's just the stuck up popular kids who can't get their heads out of their asses. You're not at fault." he put his hand on my shoulder and spoke like it was the truest words he ever said.

    "Then why is Calum acting so weird. Does he think I'm a whore now? Does he hate me because I don't think I could take any of you three hating me, especially him." I wanted to cry, I really wanted to but I was also hungry and as soon as this conversation was over I could eat.

    "He doesn't hate you. He's just deep in thought about everything that's happening. I texted him earlier because of how he was acting in Chem today. We'll be alright." he smiled at me making me believe his words even more.

    "Fine. Let's go eat, yeah?" I put my arm around his shoulder pulling him closer into a side hug as we walked into the cafeteria to our usual table occupied by Calum and Luke.

    Calum was playing a game on his phone, not eating as usual. Luke was eating like the food was the cure to corona.

    "Luke, are you even breathing?" Michael joked, sitting down next to him at the circle table.

    "Whut?" he responded with his mouth full of school pasta.

    "Gross dude, gross." Michael shoved him jokingly.

    I sat down next to Michael instead of calum like I usually do. If he wants space to think I'll give it to him. There were only two chairs in between us so it wasn't that dramatic. But he noticed, looking up from whatever game he was playing to see me stealing food off of Luke's tray. I could feel his eyes on me but I tried to shake the feeling. I joked and laughed with Luke and Mik trying to forget that Calum was sitting right there and I wasn't right there next to him. But just like Michael said 'We'll be alright.'