Living For Myself (Sequel)

Moving On

"Adelle, I can't do this anymore. I can't deal with you always talking about your ex! Nora this, Nora that, it's too much for me. You need help, professional help." The woman sitting in front of me screamed, slamming against the table that was right in front of us before walking towards the exit of the cafe we were in. She twirled back around and glared at me, opening her mouth once again. "It has been four years, how much longer are you going to need?" She questioned me, stomping out of the building with her purse tossed over the back of her shoulder.

Yeah, I guess it has been four years, huh? I have one year left of college, I'm in my mid twenties now, and that's my tenth date for this month and I'm only a week into September. Man, look how sad I've become.

I sighed to myself, grabbing the coffee I had purchased and pulled my laptop off the table that I was working on. I've been focused on school and... her too much that I pretty much fuck up any hint of a relationship that I get. Guys, girls, they're all the same. They don't really care about me, but I guess I don't care about them either. They're just background static to the main driver of my life which is graduating and keeping my promises to... yeah. Despite how hard I've tried to move on and be happy and so on, I just can't. This dream I have? It's not really mine anymore at this point. I'm just going through the motions anymore.

That woman? Her name was Sasha. She was amazing when we first started talking. She's an engineer, she's making 100k a year, she has her life together, and she was interested in me... Yet, I fucked that up and started talking about her and pissed Sasha off. I'm pretty sure she's not going to contact me ever again and throw my name and number under the "do not message" list. I'm not anything like Sasha, hell I'm making minimum wage as a research assistant and barely work at all.

Looking back down at the laptop I just picked up, I groaned, wishing I could just chuck it out the window and quit college already. However, I know that I can't do any of that, so I hurried and left the cafe before my temper took me over more than it already has. Even though college hasn't been that hard since I've actually started trying (shocker, I know), everything has still been weighing down on me. Any moment now, I could crack and punch some people to death... but that's not a smart idea either because prison isn't in my agenda yet.

My phone buzzed, notifying me of a message. It was from an app I use for... well... finding dates. Since she left me, I found it harder to talk to people in person or get to know them... yeah, that still doesn't fix the whole issue with meeting people in person when I finally have to do it, but you can't tell me anything. There were multiple unread messages, mainly from bots or people looking just for those kinds of relationships, but the new message that popped up just seemed to catch my eye. It was from a girl, someone slightly younger than me, who went to the same college as me. The message read just a few words.

"Hey, I've seen you on campus before."

I chuckled in a low tone, surprised by how such a simple sentence could make me laugh, but it did and I was glad for just a moment, wondering if, at the very least, she could be a possible friend. My fingers typed back, struggling just a little bit with the laptop still being in my arms.

"I don't think I've seen you before, what's your major?" I asked her, twirling my thumbs over the phone as I procrastinated getting into my car. Three dots popped up, indicating that she was messaging me back already.

"Childhood education, but I'm only on my third year. I've always wanted to work with kids. What about you?"

I smirked at the thought of this girl as a teacher. From her picture, I can tell she's fairly short, she has pitch black hair in a quiff, that skin tone that's not too tan and not too pale, and dark brown eyes with a golden lightness to them. She was incredibly beautiful in the picture she had, especially because she had a slimming black dress that was almost like a gown. I cleared my throat, shaking off the flushed look I probably gave myself and typed back to her.

"Pharmacy. I'm going to be graduating next year hopefully." I replied before realizing I had been standing outside the cafe doors for almost ten minutes. I shoved the phone back into my pocket and rushed to my car to get back to the college so that I could both work in peace and continue the conversation.

The moment I put down the phone, got into the car, and started driving, my mind began to wonder again. To the moments where I was both sad and happy at the same time, to the moments I wanted to die, everything collided at once. The one person I want to think about and always have in my heart though? She's just background static a lot of the time. I almost get to the point of forgetting her name, of not remember the outline of her body, of wishing I could forget her face at the moment of her death, but I can't because she meant too much for me.

You know, it's really sad that you have so much potential, but you waste it on thinking of someone you can't have.

Maybe, I guess, but it's not like I can just stop. Yes, I'm just a sad, lonely, depressing individual with no real life, but I'm also pretty sure that's at least 80% of the human population, so fuck you... wait, I'm pretty much just saying that to myself, so how does that work?

You're fucking stupid.

Ok, I'll give you that one at least. Meanwhile, while I have been arguing with my sarcastic and bitchy subconscious that hates me, I somehow managed to drive back to the dormitory in one piece which is the single more shocking thing to have happened since I got a C+ in Environmental Biology. I do have an excuse, Professor Wilkins was a bitch. Then again, I think everyone is.

Once I put the car in park, I pulled the phone out of my pocket to see if the girl had sent me any messages. I smiled widely once I saw her name light up.

"Winter..."

The phone opened up to her message and immediately my grin grew wider and wider as I, for once, became happy with the conversation.

"Tomorrow, let's grab lunch at the cafeteria and get to know one another, ok?"