Living For Myself (Sequel)

Movie Night

It took a week before the hospital released me, but upon releasing me they prescribed me antidepressant and antipsychotic medications and and encouraged me to seek a counselor. From that, I'm sure it's easy to understand at the very least that I have depression, but I also apparently have anxiety and schizophrenia. My mom hasn't contacted me since the whole incident either, but I constantly get the feeling that someone is watching me. Who knows if anyone actually is, but, either way, it's creepy to think about. Meanwhile, after my discharge, Winter had me move into her dorm room to keep an eye on me. She knew what methods could help me relax, knew how to make me laugh, and knew what to do when I heard the voice speak to me. She was there for me the moment I returned.

While things in that area were going good though, everything else seemed to burn around me. My professors didn't believe my absences were to be excused even when I presented proper notices to them as soon as the incidences took place as well as documentation, so my grades were now plummeting. It took a lot of convincing of the head of the school to speak to them individually as well, but nothing has been said about the matter to me. All I can do is hope at this point.

My mind has been a huge jumbled mess too since my diagnoses. I have the triad of mental illnesses. Well, one of them anyways. Since I just started taking the pills though, there hasn't been any strong changes within me. The voice still whispers it's thoughts into my head while I have to restraint myself from acting on it. I don't think there are many other things worse than a mental incapability, let alone three, like this. Wanting to harm yourself or worse daily, feeling insane while you argue with yourself, not wanting to go to anyone about it because you're afraid they'll judge you, that stuff can't be cured, only monitored and limited.

Knowing that Nora seemed to be depressed at the very least, because she hid it very well, I can't imagine the pain she went through daily. I've been so blind this whole time to everything. To her, to myself, to everything. I really can't do anything right. I'm just a self-centered idiot who can't open her eyes... I wish I could go back in time and understand Nora better, to see her in a new light. Maybe then I'd get why she was able to be so strong...

"Adelle, did you take your medications today?" I shook my head, snapping myself out of it. Winter stood above me, leaning down with my pills in her cupped hand. "I was gone for maybe three minutes, what did your mind go off and think about?" She asked. I chuckled in response, taking the pills from her to swallow with the drink I had in my other hand.

"A lot. Is that bad?" I questioned her, frowning. She shook her head, sitting next to me as she grabbed one of my hands to squeeze it lightly.

"No, of course not, but I'm sure you were beating yourself down a lot again," She sighed, leaning up against me, "The first step is to understand you're not perfect." Winter hummed.

I smiled at her and nudged her. "Really? You're perfect to me." She snorted and pushed me lightly before hushing me.

"Yeah, yeah you flirt. How many times has that pick up line worked?" I counted off of my fingers and grinned.

"Once because you're the only one I'd want to say it to." Winter rolled her eyes and got up off of the chair we were sitting on.

"You're gonna end up killing me with these awful pickup lines." I winked at her as she walked towards the small kitchen behind the living area we were in. It was already 6pm on a Thursday night. I hadn't gone to any of my classes today because they had been cancelled, so we have been watching movies all day. Nothing has happened between us either, but it feels like nothing will anyways. Winter hasn't brought anything up about it, so we might be better off as friends. I wouldn't blame her, dealing with me is another level of being a pain in the ass. She's a model student with top grades, an athletic scholarship for swimming, and in the top ten for SAT scores. I mean yeah, I'm the same way besides I don't swim and my top scores were in the ACT, but it's not as amazing as her. Her athletic scholarship is worth more than mine, as I do play softball but I'm the third ranked on the team while she's the captain, but my academic scholarship is, somehow, more than hers. She's going for exercise science though, so there's a possibility that it's just because my major is slightly more difficult in terms of material.

Anyways, everything still feels like a dream to me right now. It's not an idea situation, yet it could possibly become better. She could like me, she may not, she could want to date me, she might not, who knows. Between my thinking, the pop of corn kernels echoed from the background. Winter picked the next movie, being as she loves horror apparently, so we're gonna be watching "Children of the Corn." Definitely romantic and hot. My chances for getting at least a little kiss has been ruined.

As soon as my thoughts finished up, Winter came back with a big tub of popcorn and hopped in the open spot next to me with a smile. She made me close my eyes, which I did, and put the movie in before letting me see the screen. Instead of the horror movie, Winter slipped in "Love, Simon" and chuckled.

"I wanted to watch this with you, but wanted it to be a secret." She laughed. I smiled and giggled, scooting closer to her. As the movie went on, and the plot was at its critical point, Winter turned to me once the kissing scene popped up. Without warning, she clasped my chin and pulled my face towards hers before locking her lips with mine. It was gentle, but also fierce as if she had been waiting for the perfect moment to do it. Once the kiss ended in the movie, so did ours as she looked down and stuttered. "How... how was it?" She asked. Instead of answering her, I pulled her back towards me and kissed her back with a grin.

"Is that an answer that's good enough for you?" I asked her with a cheeky smile. She nodded, placing her head next to mine.

"Definitely."